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The visitation is different than the funeral in that it is usually the day/evening before - it gives people another opportunity to meet with the family in case they can't make it to the funeral itself. It's not totally about "viewing" the deceased.
Also, because there is no actual service for the viewing people can all just talk to each other more freely than at the funeral. Sure, you can talk after the funeral if the family is having some kind of gathering. But yeah, just another opportunity to express your condolences and I don't think too many people go to both except of course immediate/very close family.
Funerals are more about paying respect to the family than paying respect to the dead.
Not really. The family is way more concerned with their grief than keeping tabs on who was there or not. I literally do not remember a soul who were at my parent's funerals. I don't remember even which pastor did my mother's funeral.
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Originally Posted by ThomasCrown
We think it was a calculated decision on his part unfortunately. He stayed just long enough for his life insurance benefit to be out of the contestable period before he did it.
Nothing says that it was not a rash decision and even if "calculated," it does not mean he was in his right mind making rational, well thought decisions. Suicide and thoughts of suicide is not rational and should not be used against that person or their memory. A little understanding woud be nice by some folks.
When a member of my family dies, we get a phone call notifying us and that they will be cremated. THen its mentioned that at a later time when everyone is free we can get together and empty teh ashes somewhere. THis has yet to happen and the urns are slowly accumulating on a shelf, lol.
My wifes family on the other hand is all about wakes and funerals and I was just at one last Tuesday. Luckily it was a closed casket wake as I find it to be somewhat traumatizing to see a loved one in that state, especially for the kids. It was a very traditional Catholic funeral and though it was nice seeing family, it just seems a little over the top. When I die, I just want to be cremated and placed on the shelf.
Id be perfectly happy never going to another funeral again and I dont think there is anything wrong with that. People grieve differently; some need the funeral for closure, others just need to be alone and forget about it.
The family of the deceased do get comfort in people showing up, which is why I went to the funeral of my Aunts husband. he was a jerk, but she loved him, & was pleased I traveled a long way to go to the funeral. Funerals are really for those left behind. I always go to a family funeral if I am able to do so, it is a mark of respect. But that is my way of life, you do you.
When I was 18 my uncle who brought me up died..I refused to go to the cremation.. six months later his wife my lovely aunt died..they had took me in as a baby and were good to me but again I refused to go to her cremation.. I just couldnt face them and it was at a time when cremations had got more popular from burials... and women werent allowed at gravesides or expected to go to the.. Whether it was this or not being able to face them actually leaving I dont know.. but I hate funerals although I do attend now if a relative.. I dont see anything at all wrong with refusing to go to one... I have a cousin who hates them and also hates visiting anyone in hospital... so she never does.. but up to her..I attended my very first burial six months ago of my twenty five year old granddaughter and hope never to do this again in my lifetime.. it haunts me..
A little understanding woud be nice by some folks.
You can’t (nor should you want to) change people/make them more compassionate; they are what they are.
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Originally Posted by lair8
Funerals are more about paying respect to the family than paying respect to the dead.
It’s both/either i.e. support the family in their grief and/or pay one’s last respects to the deceased. ‘Modern’ funerals don’t involve coffins or burials; it’s often just a gathering of sorts (for those who have been cremated). In other words, it doesn’t require a church, religious belief, ‘viewings’ or whatnot to do so - particularly relative to one’s explicitly-stated wishes.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 01-10-2023 at 08:23 AM..
Reason: added quote/response
I never have viewed my deceased family members before or during their funeral services.
That includes my beloved oldest grandson who died unexpectedly at age 29 this past July.
I much prefer to remember them alive….and keep them that way in my memories.
You can’t (nor should you want to) change people/make them more compassionate; they are what they are.
I don't know if that is true.
Cause when something tragic happens to THEIR own, they very suddenly "get religion". So to speak. But I agree that you can't make them more compassionate than they are unless they are open minded and can listen with full hearts. But then I guess they'd be compassionate. Ha. I just contradicted myself.
But I'm with Joe on this one, I would still want people to be more compassionate. Wouldn't you?
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