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Just a suspicion, but a first time poster copying a reddit post that made for a "news" story recently on yahoo?
You should be happy you even get to meet the baby. One of my cousins and my aunt have yet to meet the only (great) grandchild. Grandchild was born in 08/2020.
Her daughter does not allow photos of the baby online. Cousin posted and removed a post about the upcoming grandbaby at daughter's request. The daughter required a Covid vaccine. Cousin refused to be vaccinated. Masks would be required for a visit. While it might seem a bit outlandish to some, cousin could have been vaccinated. She is a teacher. Instead she's had Covid 3x. The no photos thing was related to predators online or something.
A lot of those rules about health and safety are reasonable and are similar to what others in our family have done recently. Their baby, their rules. If you would prefer to wait until the baby is older to visit and has a stronger immune system, that is certainly up to you. But keep in mind, mom and dad are always going to be the ones who get to set the rules for their health and safety, so their rules may relax with time or they may not and you may miss out on time spent with your grandchild.
I'm sorry to hear of this difficult attack on what should be a very happy time.
I feel sorry for the kid, who is apparently going to live in a virtual bubble. The exposure to family and friends at an early age helps develop immunities. More importantly, though, is the fact that this person has actually set up formal rules for visiting, especially when they are so far away, and visiting has a high cost for you. When our two were born, we visited at the hospital the day of the births, no masks. With covid now that is one rule that might actually make sense for the first few months, but I foresee a very controlling, over-protective father developing.
I hope that son-in-law is planning on taking paternity leave so that the new mother has some help with the baby for those first few weeks and months. Usually, that's the period of time when select family and friends come over to help out with things around the house so the new mother can enjoy her baby and take her rest as she can. He sounds like someone who has zero experience with infants, small children, and what things are like for a new mother.
Some of the rules (not the more practical ones about vaccinations, etc.) make me wonder if there's something amiss with the unborn baby in terms of her health and appearance and the parents are trying to keep things mum. Either that, or he has some serious control issues. (Covering the stroller is borderline Michael Jackson "Blanket" behavior; it's doubtful that he's trying to conceal the new baby from the prying eyes of the paparazzi. ) I'm voting for the latter.
Hopefully, with time, he and his wife will settle into parenthood and realize that such rigidity isn't a net positive. By the time they have their next child, they'll likely be wiping off a dropped binky on their shirt and popping it right back into baby number two's mouth. All of the parenting rules and plans that seem to be set into stone with kiddo number one seem to relax once the next kiddo comes along.
I'm okay with 1 & 2. As our kids have had kids, the extra bedrooms are no longer there plus we kind of like going to a quiet hotel. The rest are a bit over the top, some attributed to first child anxiety.
Next child - hey, can you stay here and watch child 1 while we are in labor? And stay and help with the new baby?
Our daughter is expecting our first grandchild soon. A girl. Son-in-law has come up with ‘rules’ that we and others in the family feel are strange. And sadly, our daughter has apparently agreed to these rules.
I should say that both sets of grandparents live about 700 miles away.
*FIRST; when the grand parents come to visit from out of state, we will no longer be allowed to stay at the kids' house. We all must stay at a hotel/motel.
*SECOND; no one will be allowed to visit for at least two weeks after the baby comes home.
*THIRD; when the grandparents DO come to visit, we must have a long list of shots, including Flu vaccine and TDAP (?) shot. (I get extremely sick off the flu vax, and doctor advised not to get the yearly flu shot.)
*FOURTH; for at least the first three months that the baby is home, everyone must wear a mask in the house.
*FIFTH; no one will be allowed to hold the baby.
*SIX; absolutely NO pictures taken of the baby, which includes no pictures of the baby posted on social media, and no telling anyone that the baby is here and what her name is. We were not even allowed to tell family and friends that our daughter is expecting.
*SEVEN; when they do take the baby out for a walk, the stroller will be covered so that no one will be able to see the baby. SIL says, “No outside of immediate family deserves to see our baby”.
*EIGHT; when the grand parents are allowed to come visit the new baby, when the baby is sleeping, everyone must vacate the house until texted that the baby is now awake.
I am sure there are other ‘rules’ that we have not yet been told about.
We have never heard of such absurd rules.
What can son-in-law be thinking?
All four grandparents want to be a part of our granddaughter's life, and want to be proud grandparents, but this has taken the joy out of the occasion.
While some are reasonable and others are over the top unfortunately they are their rules and you are going to have to figure out how to be part of your grandchild’s life in a different way than you expected. Your disappointment is understandable. We have never been allowed the kind of privileges my son’s mother in law has , no buying the children clothes, no overnight stays, no buying toys ( they have so many from my dil’s family and friends), and it’s been hurtful at first but that’s how it is. So we have had to put aside OUR expectations and be different kind of grandparents and it’s worked out.
So my advice is accept it through gritted teeth, put aside your expectations, offer loving support and try and nurture how to be a loving ,creative grandmother from afar and within the limitations they have imposed. One thing I did when we lived a long way from our first grandchild was read a book on video so she got used to my voice and I’d send the book so she could look at the pics as she listened to me tell the story.
"No outside of immediate family deserves to see our baby."
That's some weird stuff.
Paranoia strikes deep on the other stuff and add delusions of grandeur to list of possible problems with the sil.
Yep, control issues, fear, etc. many daughters want their mothers around to help the first couple of weeks so this situation seems odd and troubling. Not much the op can do though.
I'm going to be the alarmist here. Best be prepared for anything that can happen.
This looks me like more the just "control issues". It's way too extreme and crazy and is a symptom of spousal abuse of which extreme control is a major component. It also could be that the husband has lost his mind somehow, maybe a psychotic break. Your daughter might be too afraid of him to disagree. Does this seem like something your daughter could cook up? If I were you, I wouldn't even question whether I should intervene or not and I'd act asap.
Check it out.
1. Ask her if there is trouble in the home. Say she tells you Yes, but she's afraid to leave...go to point #3 below.
2. Consult with a psychologist about his behaviour. They will know if the situation is dangerous etc.
3. Consult with staff at a women's shelter/safe house. They will instantly understand the situation.Their job is to provide refuge in a home-like safe place until the person is ready to move out. Could be months or weeks. The police work closely with shelters when need be.
It might not be a good idea for her to stay with you. Depends on whether there is a safety concern like from threats.
Waiting for him to issue rules to the baby and expect baby/toddler/child/teen/adult to follow his rules.
Boy - is he in for a rude awakening if he expects the baby to follow his rules.
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) I'm voting for the latter. 