Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree. Open adoption is confusing and painful for all concerned. It's a BAD idea.
I see no benefit in involving people into a child's life who may have problems. Parents are charged with keeping unsavory individuals away from our minor children. Even if they are not from another country, they may be very different from us in their values and customs.
Thanks. I wish I had some other allies here. I am pilloried for being "insensitive."
I am missing something here. Open adoptions have been an option for a very long time, even when we adopted our son 37 years ago. The birth mother was not looking for an open adoption and neither were we, so it works.
If a child becomes an adult and wants to find their birth family, they have that option as there are registries for doing that, and some can get original birth certificates, etc. The birth parents? The birth parent(s) made a decision to cut ties with the child. We have the papers from the adoption, and it was very clear what the birth parents were surrendering. It was a "forever" deal, and they both signed.
I known people who were adopted that, when they were interested in locating birth parents, it was more to understand why they were surrendered for adoption, and others just didn't care to ever have contact with the birth family. I think it should be the choice of the child as an adult, as they were left out of the decision as to who would parent them.
I have a friend that gave up her baby. That baby is late 40s, and sought out his birth mother. They have a friendly relationship now. She is very happy with how he was raised by the adoptive family, and has no regrets in having surrendered him, as she was not "in a place" where she felt she could be a good mother when he was born. It was his choice to contact her, which I believe is the best way for this to happen. Not all "reunions" are positive.
In the case that the state removes the child from the home, whole different situation, and those kids need extra protection, at least until they are adults and can make informed decisions regarding relationships!
I am missing something here. Open adoptions have been an option for a very long time, even when we adopted our son 37 years ago. The birth mother was not looking for an open adoption and neither were we, so it works.
If a child becomes an adult and wants to find their birth family, they have that option as there are registries for doing that, and some can get original birth certificates, etc. The birth parents? The birth parent(s) made a decision to cut ties with the child. We have the papers from the adoption, and it was very clear what the birth parents were surrendering. It was a "forever" deal, and they both signed.
I known people who were adopted that, when they were interested in locating birth parents, it was more to understand why they were surrendered for adoption, and others just didn't care to ever have contact with the birth family. I think it should be the choice of the child as an adult, as they were left out of the decision as to who would parent them.
I have a friend that gave up her baby. That baby is late 40s, and sought out his birth mother. They have a friendly relationship now. She is very happy with how he was raised by the adoptive family, and has no regrets in having surrendered him, as she was not "in a place" where she felt she could be a good mother when he was born. It was his choice to contact her, which I believe is the best way for this to happen. Not all "reunions" are positive.
In the case that the state removes the child from the home, whole different situation, and those kids need extra protection, at least until they are adults and can make informed decisions regarding relationships!
As a birth mother, this is it.
Yes, I would LIKE to meet my now adult son...but I don't expect to. I'm on the state registry, so maybe someday he'll look me up.
When I gave up my rights, I knew what I was doing. And frankly, the adoptive parents have ALL the power in this situation.
Thanks. I wish I had some other allies here. I am pilloried for being "insensitive."
Its one of the reasons we adopted abroad.
The rules are written to protect the birth parents, not the children or the adoptive parents.
In most cases domestically, its a young teenage girl. And they not only pick the parents, they decide the relationship. Will they have none? Will they be there for every holiday?
While its understandable, its just way too tilted for the birth parents and not for the benefit of the child.
I'm not an adoptee...I'm a bio mom who gave a child up for adoption. I'm wondering...do you get any kind of closure from DNA testing? Any sense of who you are? I'm not supposing one way or another. Just wondering.
I had a friend who had no idea she was adopted. Her parents and sibling were deceased and she did a DNA test. It popped up that someone else in the system was likely related to her. She talked to a relative who told her that yes, she was adopted. As I recall, the birth mother wasn't really interested in connecting, but it was the DNA testing that gave her the information that she was adopted.
The rules are written to protect the birth parents, not the children or the adoptive parents.
In most cases domestically, its a young teenage girl. And they not only pick the parents, they decide the relationship. Will they have none? Will they be there for every holiday?
While its understandable, its just way too tilted for the birth parents and not for the benefit of the child.
So many recent "reforms," including that with adoption, are geared towards destroying a functioning system and creating chaos,with no resulting benefit. People are allergic to existing systems working in harmony.
My son has Down syndrome, but I have always talked about his adoption in his presence. He had 3 or 4 movies that dealt with adopting that he would watch, and he seemed to accept the idea as just another kind of "normal".
If we should ever get an inquiry from a member of his birth family, I would not consider it an issue, and would be glad to allow them to meet him, or give them photos and an update on his life. I would have felt more threatened if they tried to enter his life when he was a child though.
I do not think I would ever have kept it a secret that a child was adopted though, as I am pretty open with the boys about everything.
So many recent "reforms," including that with adoption, are geared towards destroying a functioning system and creating chaos,with no resulting benefit. People are allergic to existing systems working in harmony.
You say that...but how? How are MY rights superimposing yours? Cause...as I see it...I really don't have any (anymore) regarding my son's adoption.
Yes, I got to pick the parents. Yay me. Once I signed my parental rights away...that was it. I am not, and was not any kind of threat to the adoptive parents.
So many recent "reforms," including that with adoption, are geared towards destroying a functioning system and creating chaos, with no resulting benefit. People are allergic to existing systems working in harmony.
But it is not a system working in harmony. The adopted children (the adoptees) are unhappy, They are worse than 2nd class citizens. Their entire identity was stripped away from them and they are blocked from finding out who they really are.
I'm not seeing much in the system that benefits the birth parent, either.
My son has Down syndrome, but I have always talked about his adoption in his presence. He had 3 or 4 movies that dealt with adopting that he would watch, and he seemed to accept the idea as just another kind of "normal".
If we should ever get an inquiry from a member of his birth family, I would not consider it an issue, and would be glad to allow them to meet him, or give them photos and an update on his life. I would have felt more threatened if they tried to enter his life when he was a child though.
I do not think I would ever have kept it a secret that a child was adopted though, as I am pretty open with the boys about everything.
That's pretty standard practice nowadays. No surprises. My children have known from the start they were adopted from Russia. They haven't really shown any interest in the birth parents and they are in their 20s. They knew lots of other adoptees, especially Russian. Its not like they used to do it where they hid it from the children.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
