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When I was very young, four or years old, I had recurring dreams about being a young girl in a heavily wooded area in what I think may have been Northern Europe, and a young boy in a desert. I still find that sort of odd because I didn't know anything about those places at that age.
When I was very young, four or years old, I had recurring dreams about being a young girl in a heavily wooded area in what I think may have been Northern Europe, and a young boy in a desert. I still find that sort of odd because I didn't know anything about those places at that age.
That's interesting, because it is similar to my dreams as a child of being on a plane coming in for a landing in a place I knew was called Johannesburg (see Post No. 26) and was surprised one day to find out there really was a place by that name.
That's interesting, because it is similar to my dreams as a child of being on a plane coming in for a landing in a place I knew was called Johannesburg (see Post No. 26) and was surprised one day to find out there really was a place by that name.
Yes, Pittsburgh. I am going to check it out. Took a seven-month lease. I will still come back here sometimes during that period. I still have a part-time job in the city, although I am working less and less these days.
But after some grief counseling and trying to sort out what to do next, I realized that one of the things I am grieving for, besides my partner/fiance, was the place where I was living with him and what it represented to me. I can't go back there (they don't take American retirees as permanent residents), but I have no privacy or solitude here. I've got the homeless brother living with me, and while it's easy for everyone else to point and say "just throw him out", I can't just do that. I was no raised to allow my family members to live in their cars when I have a room, especially when they have medical issues, and at the very least, I have to help him out of respect for the memory of my parents while he navigates the disability system.
But it's hard to have someone living there with me in a small place. He cleans up after himself, buys and cooks his own food, but still, he's just THERE. Then I also have a "friend", actually a neighbor who like me is on the condo board, and she just is so attached to me, considers me a friend way more than I consider her one, and has no filter or sense of acceptable behavior. She just creeps me out sometimes. For example, the other day she called, and she told me she'd stopped by because she bought something for my cat, and she saw my car there but I wasn't answering the door so she looked in the window and could see my bathroom door was closed, waited a while, and when I didn't come out, she figured I was taking a shower (which was the case) so she left. But who even TELLS someone they did that? And do I need someone peering in my windows and checking my bathroom door status?
I want to leave. I just want to get the F out of here, drive away and go where no one will bug me.
Everybody Wants You! Not the lyrics to that song, but people like, love, and need you. It can be a complete pain in the ass. I've written about putting up a recovering addict, but there were two. The mother of the second one and her SO dropped him and a few boxes of belongings off at my house the evening before they left the state. My son told her that this was OK because he had nowhere else to go. She was a chef and supposedly had snagged a great job in Savannah. I found out the hard way that he had a seizure disorder. I was walking to the kitchen in the middle of the night and heard strange noises from the family room where he was sleeping.
If I chose to come back to help others, I'm not doing it again. I'm totally done.
Everybody Wants You! Not the lyrics to that song, but people like, love, and need you. It can be a complete pain in the ass. I've written about putting up a recovering addict, but there were two. The mother of the second one and her SO dropped him and a few boxes of belongings off at my house the evening before they left the state. My son told her that this was OK because he had nowhere else to go. She was a chef and supposedly had snagged a great job in Savannah. I found out the hard way that he had a seizure disorder. I was walking to the kitchen in the middle of the night and heard strange noises from the family room where he was sleeping.
If I chose to come back to help others, I'm not doing it again. I'm totally done.
I hear you, my sister. I'm done with it in this life. My whole life has been others taking advantage of me to make life better for them without giving back. The exception was the late love, with whom my time was way too short, but it made me understand that I'm not doing that again.
My sister, who has long believed in reincarnation, and whose life is completely now given over to caring for her invalid husband, says she believes she was put here to care for others. She's resigned to that. Even in her last job (she was an LPN) she took care of mentally challenged adults at a sort of daycare facility for them, and before that, a per diem home care job taking care of a young man whose mother had accidentally driven over him with her car when he was two. She has nothing for herself anymore, only full-time care of her husband. I love her and would hate to lose her, but I don't think she will be unwilling when it's her time to go and rest. She is only 73, and I hope she gets some time here for herself.
I hear you, my sister. I'm done with it in this life. My whole life has been others taking advantage of me to make life better for them without giving back. The exception was the late love, with whom my time was way too short, but it made me understand that I'm not doing that again.
My sister, who has long believed in reincarnation, and whose life is completely now given over to caring for her invalid husband, says she believes she was put here to care for others. She's resigned to that. Even in her last job (she was an LPN) she took care of mentally challenged adults at a sort of daycare facility for them, and before that, a per diem home care job taking care of a young man whose mother had accidentally driven over him with her car when he was two. She has nothing for herself anymore, only full-time care of her husband. I love her and would hate to lose her, but I don't think she will be unwilling when it's her time to go and rest. She is only 73, and I hope she gets some time here for herself.
I'm glad that you're going to Pittsburgh. My crazy nephew went to grad school there and loved the place. He had hoped to find a decent job and stay, but that didn't happen.
Do you have any idea why your sister believes in reincarnation? We do, but we had those dreams.
I'm glad that you're going to Pittsburgh. My crazy nephew went to grad school there and loved the place. He had hoped to find a decent job and stay, but that didn't happen.
Do you have any idea why your sister believes in reincarnation? We do, but we had those dreams.
No, I don't know exactly what prompted her to believe. It's a question I could ask. We were raised in a dark version of Christianity that focused on sin and death and hell, and was quite damaging when you think about it. God could hear your thoughts, Jesus was always watching you to see if you sinned, and so forth, and I was always aware that God could just kill me at any time if he felt like it. Lots of fear and anxiety. We all pretty much rejected it as adults.
This oldest sister had the hardest time, as we were raised that the only real goal for girls was to get married and have kids. She had married someone who was not very nice or very responsible or mature, and she married him because she was overweight and didn't have many choices, but then she lost weight and began to get attention from better men and she got divorced at 22. It upset the apple cart because NO ONE had ever gotten divorced in our family, and she was disobeying God by breaking her vows, yada yada yada, but she could not go back to what life was like before. She ended up completely rejecting the Christianity and seeking other forms of spirituality.
Somewhere along the way, she embraced the idea of reincarnation. Now that I think of it, she was an LPN working in the hospital and she had a number of Indian friends. Maybe she knew of it from them?
I know she spoke of a spiritual experience she had once in her kitchen while washing dishes. The room suddenly filled with a light, and she felt enveloped by a feeling of complete and utter love. It lasted only a couple of minutes, but she never forgot how it felt.
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