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I am 90,I moved to CT to be with family knowing end was near for all on Feb 2016,I have seen 18 deaths including my wife not much of me left.
Got my present on Dec 15,2021 from booster Moderna #2,crippled legs.
Dan, you're a real veteran of the path most of us will walk before we say our goodbyes. I think about the losses sometimes as time goes by and they keep piling up.
It's one of the things you don't think about much until you start to experience them. Not only do we lose pets, favorite entertainers, friends and loved ones but also so many of our abilities. Sometimes I think there's not enough time left for me to properly grieve all the losses.
We had three deaths last week - a cousin each and a member of my class. Seems like they always come in groups like that.
My mom and dad were both babies of their families and I'm an only child so all the cousins left are older than
I. I've told my family not to expect a very large attendance if they decide to have a funeral as there will be few people left to grieve me. Like it will make a difference to me!
As far as making it easier for others to grieve I believe the social gatherings help a lot. Get them out of the church, where they are expected to be quiet and respectful, and feed them, play some of the deceased's favorite music and encourage people to tell stories about their relationship with the one who's gone.
Not only does this benefit the grieving spouse and children, if there are any. There may be many ways people remember their loved ones that they don't know about. It gives people some joy in remembrance and stimulates emotional response for later private grieving.
And, half joking, maybe throwing a party of celebration with grief might coax out a few reluctant mourners.
It'll be good for them.
Dan, you're a real veteran of the path most of us will walk before we say our goodbyes. I think about the losses sometimes as time goes by and they keep piling up.
It's one of the things you don't think about much until you start to experience them. Not only do we lose pets, favorite entertainers, friends and loved ones but also so many of our abilities. Sometimes I think there's not enough time left for me to properly grieve all the losses.
We had three deaths last week - a cousin each and a member of my class. Seems like they always come in groups like that.
My mom and dad were both babies of their families and I'm an only child so all the cousins left are older than
I. I've told my family not to expect a very large attendance if they decide to have a funeral as there will be few people left to grieve me. Like it will make a difference to me!
As far as making it easier for others to grieve I believe the social gatherings help a lot. Get them out of the church, where they are expected to be quiet and respectful, and feed them, play some of the deceased's favorite music and encourage people to tell stories about their relationship with the one who's gone.
Not only does this benefit the grieving spouse and children, if there are any. There may be many ways people remember their loved ones that they don't know about. It gives people some joy in remembrance and stimulates emotional response for later private grieving.
And, half joking, maybe throwing a party of celebration with grief might coax out a few reluctant mourners.
It'll be good for them.
actually, one of the changing trends in the funeral home industry, is a celebration of life gathering, rather than the solemn services of the past. as the younger generation adapts to their wants and beliefs, we will see even more changes.
my mom's family had the casket brought to the house in the very early days and then someone from the family took turns staying with the casket in the funeral home as they moved away from that old tradition.
i attended a celebration of life recently where all the music was festive and upbeat, not a single hymn was played. while i am kinda old school, i will admit, i left my dear friends service feeling good. so, i am not opposed to change, when change is better. (i won't go into the cost of services in a traditional funeral, but that is one of the reasons for change is cost of services)
Caretaking is definitely hard, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. That's my way of giving back for all of the care my mother gave me while I was growing up. For eighteen years, she provided both physically and mentally. Being there for her during her last days was the least I could do.
I was just thinking today of all the people I've lost in recent years. Finding out about people I'd lost touch with dying of various things. Talked to my dad today, he is doing so well that he said he's shooting for 108. I said "well how about 105?" -- that's more realistic. (He's closer to 102 than 101.)
I'm happy to pass on far, far sooner. Would that all of us could feel complete and ready to go whenever we feel like it. That sounds strange. I guess it means being comfortable and accepting the end of earthly life or accepting going on without others who have passed on. Today I felt sad about all the deaths of family and friends. I certainly have not had as many as some here on this thread, so my heart goes out to you all.
I'm having ptsd from the caregiving aspect. I was honored to care for my mother, but it was really traumatizing to watch her deteriorate so quickly. Before cancer, she was a vivacious strong woman. the cancer reduced her to skin and bones and her mental state had changed. Confusion had set in and that was another trying issue.
Just typing this makes me ache for her, because all I could do was make her comfortable and provide her care and companionship.
The sad truth about pancreatic cancer is that the survival rate is so low, and the aggressiveness is high so that sadly, you don't have a "long drawn out" road to death. From what people have shared with me here, the rapid progression falls in line with how the cancer operates and only the very few get to live a year, let alone two. As a result, the financial impact isn't as great as some of the cancers that drag on for years. Dementia, however, is hard on families financially. My grandmothers care cost far more because she lived for years in a care center (not getting any better, mind you). It exhausted her life savings and she had to go on Medicaid. When she passed, the center tried to claw back any remaining assets but my mom and my aunts were smart enough to pre-pay the funeral arrangements before the asset review came into play. Or else that would have been taken.
My younger brother died of pancreatic cancer a few years ago - one of a string of immediate family deaths that like to have killed me! IN MY FIFTIES, which was a decade I was really looking forward to ironically. Anyway, he died THREE YEARS after the initial diagnosis, after enduring surgery, chemo, radiation, all of it. I just wanted to point that out after rereading your post. He also lost 100 pounds which was a terrible thing to witness.
I was just thinking today of all the people I've lost in recent years. Finding out about people I'd lost touch with dying of various things. Talked to my dad today, he is doing so well that he said he's shooting for 108. I said "well how about 105?" -- that's more realistic. (He's closer to 102 than 101.)
I'm happy to pass on far, far sooner. Would that all of us could feel complete and ready to go whenever we feel like it. That sounds strange. I guess it means being comfortable and accepting the end of earthly life or accepting going on without others who have passed on. Today I felt sad about all the deaths of family and friends. I certainly have not had as many as some here on this thread, so my heart goes out to you all.
My niece, who is 35, was flying to another city for a wedding a few days ago. She said, "Whenever I fly, I do a self-check and ask myself if I die now, am I satisfied with how I lived my life so far?" Wise for her age.
I don't WANT to die just yet, because I hope for a few more experiences, and I know my daughter would grieve. But I am not overly afraid. It is the circle of life.
I had a weird experience a few years ago finding out about the death of someone with whom I was once work friends. We worked together at the World Trade Center, and we got along pretty well. Then she did something illegal on behalf of her druggie boyfriend, and she lost her job. I found out about it from another coworker.
In 1991, I was pregnant and on maternity leave, and I decided to call her. She had gotten rid of loser boyfriend and was marrying someone better. She'd started a new job out where she lived on LI and wasn't coming to the city anymore. She said she didn't talk to anyone from our old job, and I got the distinct impression she was saying "I'm leaving the life I had there behind, so it was nice to know you." I understood and didn't attempt to contact her again. I had my kid, and life went on.
Then 9/11 happened. I heard from several friends I hadn't heard from in years, checking in on me or reaching out to my mother, but I never heard from "Kathy". I thought that was very odd, particularly since her dad was a retired cop from the same agency where we worked. But not a peep.
Over the years, as the Internet took hold, I occasionally Googled her name, but nothing popped up. I remembered she said she was getting married, but I didn't know her new last name, if she had changed it.
Then in 2018, I thought of her and searched again, This time something did pop up--her father's obituary. And there she was, listed with a different last name as having predeceased him in April of 2001. She was already gone when the buildings went down.
I felt so sad. She'd been dead for 17 years already, and I never knew.
I was just thinking today of all the people I've lost in recent years. Finding out about people I'd lost touch with dying of various things. Talked to my dad today, he is doing so well that he said he's shooting for 108. I said "well how about 105?" -- that's more realistic. (He's closer to 102 than 101.)
I'm happy to pass on far, far sooner. Would that all of us could feel complete and ready to go whenever we feel like it. That sounds strange. I guess it means being comfortable and accepting the end of earthly life or accepting going on without others who have passed on. Today I felt sad about all the deaths of family and friends. I certainly have not had as many as some here on this thread, so my heart goes out to you all.
I talked to an 84 year-old woman not long ago who said, "If I continue to have okay health and my mind, 87-89 is enough - after that, it's really all downhill for the most part, even if some don't act like it."
I talked to an 84 year-old woman not long ago who said, "If I continue to have okay health and my mind, 87-89 is enough - after that, it's really all downhill for the most part, even if some don't act like it."
On her ninetieth birthday, my mother said, "I really can't believe I lived this long! Never did I think I'd get to be ninety years old."
She'd get another year and a few months. She started to deteriorate about six months before her death, and I'm pretty sure she was ready to call it quits when the end came.
On her ninetieth birthday, my mother said, "I really can't believe I lived this long! Never did I think I'd get to be ninety years old."
She'd get another year and a few months. She started to deteriorate about six months before her death, and I'm pretty sure she was ready to call it quits when the end came.
My mother would have never made it until 85 or 90 mentally. Why? She had two big nightmares that she talked about all the time.
1) My dad is 5 years old than her, and she feared him dying first and leaving her. She was pathologically needy with my father.
2) The mention of a nursing home made her panic like nothing else. She said she would haunt us if we put her in one.
All said, she ended up dying in her 70s, avoiding it all.
My sister is working on strengthening her mind, because she doesn't want to have our mother's mindset if she lives to be older.
I was just thinking today of all the people I've lost in recent years. Finding out about people I'd lost touch with dying of various things. Talked to my dad today, he is doing so well that he said he's shooting for 108. I said "well how about 105?" -- that's more realistic. (He's closer to 102 than 101.)
I'm happy to pass on far, far sooner. Would that all of us could feel complete and ready to go whenever we feel like it. That sounds strange. I guess it means being comfortable and accepting the end of earthly life or accepting going on without others who have passed on. Today I felt sad about all the deaths of family and friends. I certainly have not had as many as some here on this thread, so my heart goes out to you all.
Today I discovered that my feelings of my own mortality have changed since the recent deaths of my husband (10 months ago) and my dog (7 weeks ago.) A speeding car ran a red light as I was about to cross an intersection, and if I hadn't glanced to the left before taking off when my light turned green, the car would have nailed me. Moments afterwards, rather than thinking "I could be dead now," I was surprised that I was more focused on "I have to change my Will."
I suppose this newfound indifference to death is a byproduct of grief. While I don't want to die, I accept it more now. This is a huge change from a dozen years ago when I battled cancer and all I wanted to do was to live. With those I love the most now gone, it doesn't seem as important anymore.
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