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I'm a long-time lurker, first-time poster. I have a convoluted question for you guys. I will lay out the background as honestly and candidly as possible.
In no particular order:
1. I suffer from depression and social anxiety (the two tend to go hand in hand). I don't care what people want to believe - it is a real disease. I've lived with these issues for the past 15 years, so it's manageable as long as I don't have to deal with too many external stressors. I have enough friends and do not hate life, but I absolutely hate the way I'm living my life right now. I like to wear my heart on my sleeve and greatly appreciate it when people are able to reciprocate.
2. I'm very grateful that I'm employed, but I absolutely hate my job. I work for a very large, top-heavy corporation, so I have to deal with lots of office politics, red tape, CYA, posturing, saber-rattling, backstabbing, small talk, cheerleading and strategic obfuscation. Basically, I'm forced to play the game along with the others, but I can't tolerate it anymore. I feel that my core skills and talents are not utilized at work, nor are they applicable to the type of work that I do.
3. I'm very analytical and enjoy technical projects/work. I have an engineering degree from a respected university. I enjoy technical design and R&D. Although I understand that someone has to do it, I abhore systems engineering and integration type work (please disregard if you don't know what these things are). I am a discouraged engineer living in a nation that values cost-cutting, marketing and sales strategies, over technological advancements and investments in human capital (i.e. short-term vs long-term gains). But, with that said, I don't necessarily feel that I'm entitled to or deserve a design or R&D job.
4. I need to take care of my parents. They are aging and cannot fend for themselves very well. I'm surprised that we all managed to survive up to this point! I have some difficulty communicating with them due to the growing language barrier; maintaining a language is almost a full-time job.
5. This may sound arrogant, but I frequently feel that the vast majority of people on this planet are not quite as enlightened as I'd like them to be. I accept that life and nature are inherently unfair, but it bothers me that people blindly and voluntarily perpetuate the cycle of pain and suffering for selfish reasons. We are certainly making progress, but I still feel as if I were born a century too early. I'm frequently overwhelmed by how messed up people are and chose to be.
Lately, I've been feeling very out-of-place among the hustle and bustle of the modern way of life. I just can't imagine myself coming across a job/career that is compatible with my personality, eccentricities and life perspectives. Due to discouragement with my present situation, and perhaps a healthly dose of curiosity, I've been daydreaming about escaping to a simpler life with fewer expectations and social pressures. I fear that I'm treading a fine line between Thoreau and the Unabomber!
Some of you will completely understand where I'm coming from; many will think that I'm a lazy whining wimp. Well, I'd like the latter to understand that I desperately want to find a way to contribute to society, but I just can't handle the stupid shenanigans. I'm a decent, hard-working person, and there must be something I can do to help the world along. But, with all that said, I need to figure out a way to take care of myself and parents first.
Any suggestions? Should I become a bum? RV full-timer? Or, maybe I should just shut up and get back in line....
Have you thought about starting your own company? Or contracting yourself out? It is a lot more risk, but with either of those options you could easily pick the projects YOU want to do, and focus on the R&D aspects of the job.
Also, what sort of degree do you have? Bachelors? If so, it sounds like grad school (PhD maybe?) might be a great fit for you. I have a friend who sounds just like you (personality wise). He is going after a PhD in molecular biology right now, and loves the fact that all day every day he is in a lab researching. His school (as in most PhD programs) is completely paid for, and his stipend is good enough he bought a house two years into the program.
Such a good post; I appreciate your honesty and depth. Number 5 especially caught my eye. I don't know where I belong in this world and whenever I try to figure it out or do research I end up more confused and frustrated. I don't think, though, that 100 yrs from now will be much better. (I watched a movie called IDIOCRACY and I feel that is very possibly where the human race is heading.)
You sound like a good person and I hope that people will give you constructive advice and comments.
Hi all,
... Due to discouragement with my present situation, and perhaps a healthly dose of curiosity, I've been daydreaming about escaping to a simpler life with fewer expectations and social pressures. I fear that I'm treading a fine line between Thoreau and the Unabomber!
... Well, I'd like the latter to understand that I desperately want to find a way to contribute to society, but I just can't handle the stupid shenanigans. I'm a decent, hard-working person, and there must be something I can do to help the world along. But, with all that said, I need to figure out a way to take care of myself and parents first.
Any suggestions? ....
Look I am no professional and in some ways may be in a position even worse than yours but from reading your post I think I can provide you some incite and maybe even advice.
It sounds like you need balance. You have a lot of larger issues that have control over your life: your job, your family, and your will for the future. This is not something you solve overnight but I think it would be beneficial to list the issues or problems in categories of now, 6 months, 1 year, and later. What is something you can fix now? What do you want to change in 3-6 months from now. What endeavor to you want to be involved in within one year? What are long-term (1+ years) you want to begin/achieve. Ultimately, I am saying don't try to swallow all these aspects in one setting. Tackle the easier stuff now, moderate soon, and the major later.
I use to suffer from the "if I can't save the world, do nothing at all" syndrome and its terrible. You can make an immediate difference today but even the most simple actions. What are your passions and what do you want to be involved in? Find that organization and help group and join. Its a one step at a time process.
As far as the social pressure. I probably cannot help here. I will tell you this one story. I had an old friend that was a highly popular, sociable person that everyone knew and like. Our friendship kind of faded over the years as their popularity rose and I went into another direction (if you will). I later found out through a mutual friend how this person suffered from an disorder that made them highly self-conscious. Now, never in a million years would I expect this person to go through something and it debilitate them so much that they became a bit of a homebody. All that said, the image people feel about you is often one you betray. Don't wear your sorrow/sadness on your shoulder unless you want people to see that.
I don't think you have to be a bun in life. I think RV'ing across the country would be awesome; however, don't take this adventure unless its a journey you want to do and not "settle" for.
Believe it or not OP, there are many people around the world feeling just like you. It always seems that these like-minded people feel they are the only ones in the world feeling that way when its rarely the case.
Best wishes for your and your family. Is it any possible way to get your some help with your parents (friends, extended family, organization)?
Never mind, I live pretty much live like that now.
Hehe, I do too. I'm not seriously practicing to become a bum, but I do like to conduct little experiments on myself to prove that true happiness cannot be derived from food, sex, money, material things, etc. For instance, I've been eating for about $3 a day for the past few months to see if it would make me unhappy. Instead, I gained a great sense of empowerment by learning that no matter how badly I screw up in life, I'll never starve to death in our great country. I can probably eat for even less! For $1.50 a day, I should be able to eat a diet which consists of beans, peas, rice, Costco fish oil, vitamin, calcium, quinoa (getting expensive), eggs, powdered milk and oatmeal. And, I'm perfectly happy with it! Oh yeah, I also sleep directly on the floor sometimes, but only because it's been really hot lately.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq
Have you thought about starting your own company? Or contracting yourself out? It is a lot more risk, but with either of those options you could easily pick the projects YOU want to do, and focus on the R&D aspects of the job.
Yes and yes. I'm still studying up on small business. Unfortunately, I've learned that business is mostly about networking, marketing, sales, etc. Technical people like me tend to have very skewed and biased ideas of how the business world works. I have a BSEE background, but most of the useful things I know were acquired through self-study (as is usually the case with tech people). I still haven't found a marketable skill that would be of value to a niche market. I spend 10 hours a day learning useless corporate jargon and lame Japanese Kaizen buzzwords to make the dudes on the other end of the phone think I know what the hell I'm talking about. I currently spend my free time studying for a test to get my state license for engineering, and I also have many unfinished electronics and programming projects. I already have a fairly good understanding of what it's like in academia; my fiance just finished her Phd in biomedical engineering at my alma mater. Good R&D/teaching jobs are hard to land. Then, there's the issue of over-qualification in industry. I know many unemployed/under-employed Phds.
Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk
If you are on medication for depression I would speak to your doctor about your concerns. In all honesty it might need to be changed or upped.
Yes, I've tried two different kinds, but they didn't seem to do a whole lot. As you may know, mental disorders are a product of genetic predisposition and environmental factors. I've already acknowledged and accepted the biological aspects of my disorder(s); however, I have yet to sort out the external issues that stress me to the limit everyday. Ironically, I'm very confident that I possess the capability to find true happiness within. That's why I was toying with the idea of voluntary simplicity. If my parents were well to do, I'd be off to the mountains in a heartbeat!
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatnow
I watched a movie called IDIOCRACY....
Haha, oh yeah, that movie. Well, although there is scientific evidence that suggests that intelligence is heritable, I don't think intelligent people are particularly inclined to use their talents to help society. In fact, the opposite may be true; the current plight of America can probably be blamed on the "best and brightest" that were monkeying around with funny money on Wall Street. These financial wizards, or quants, at the i-banks were all shoplifted from academia. We've produced and imported some of the brightest people on Earth and allowed them to leverage their abilities with cutting-edge tools, but yet the socioeconomic disparity in this country is getting worse and our standard of living is in jeopardy. We don't need more brainpower, we need to fix our culture and political system.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cityhopper
This is not something you solve overnight but I think it would be beneficial to list the issues or problems in categories of now, 6 months, 1 year, and later.
What are your passions and what do you want to be involved in? Find that organization and help group and join. Its a one step at a time process.
Believe it or not OP, there are many people around the world feeling just like you. It always seems that these like-minded people feel they are the only ones in the world feeling that way when its rarely the case.
I keep myself pretty busy. In fact, I get frustrated just thinking about all the things I want to do, but I just don't have the time. I could learn so much more and actually get things done if I didn't have to waste my time and energy at work. But, it's a good paycheck that I need and I try to save every penny that I can. I don't take it for granted as it's my only life line.
I'm trying to think of ways to break into the green tech industry. My generation will be the first to experience a true global energy crisis, which has the potential to lead to another world war. I hope we solve the impending problem with our brains, instead of our emotions.
If you are on medication for depression I would speak to your doctor about your concerns. In all honesty it might need to be changed or upped.
Frankly, I had the same type of thoughts about your post. Not that your feelings aren't valid, but I just get the impression that the way you are viewing things right now may be the result of depression. Besides, meds, some counseling might be in order here. Again, not because your impressions and feelings about things aren't valid to some extent, but again, it just strikes me as someone who is dealing with some fairly major depression. It really does color the way we see obstacles. You say you have already gone the meds route, but what about the counseling?
Yes, I've tried two different kinds, but they didn't seem to do a whole lot. As you may know, mental disorders are a product of genetic predisposition and environmental factors. I've already acknowledged and accepted the biological aspects of my disorder(s); however, I have yet to sort out the external issues that stress me to the limit everyday. Ironically, I'm very confident that I possess the capability to find true happiness within. That's why I was toying with the idea of voluntary simplicity. If my parents were well to do, I'd be off to the mountains in a heartbeat!
I am not a dr. (nor do I play one on this forum ) but I do suffer from depression and it took many years (and dr.s) to find the right medication. Reading your post, I can totally relate to your feelings. My brain just will not produce enough seratonin/neoephrine on its own so I have to depend on medication for it. You need to talk with your dr. about your options for medicine or looking at your current dosage levels. Please don't stop at 2...I have gone through more than 4-5 to find the right one. Your body can adjust to the level/type of medication and stops being effective over time. There are many options available to you and it can help you get a grasp on things.
Taking care of parents is no easy chore but you have to be there for them and it's only fair you get the help you need in order to be able to do that.
I agree with what some of the other posters have said here to about talking with a therapist or at least a really good friend that can help you vent, cry, shout, etc. when you need to.
Best of luck to you!
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) but I do suffer from depression and it took many years (and dr.s) to find the right medication. Reading your post, I can totally relate to your feelings. My brain just will not produce enough seratonin/neoephrine on its own so I have to depend on medication for it. You need to talk with your dr. about your options for medicine or looking at your current dosage levels. Please don't stop at 2...I have gone through more than 4-5 to find the right one. Your body can adjust to the level/type of medication and stops being effective over time. There are many options available to you and it can help you get a grasp on things. 
