My boss acts like we are a team, but only when it benefits her (employee, secretary)

[Mandi9]

Recently, I have been feeling a bit bitter towards my boss. I was hired two years ago to work under her. Coming in, I spent about two weeks with her, and then she went out for over 12 weeks on a family health thing, she had surgery. So I didn't know a lot about her or working with her. They had a temp fill in for her, and we got along well. I came in, a young person, with a lot of experience. I was lucky to gain experience right after college and I was very confident in my skills and what I was doing. When my boss came back and we started working together, I was so happy she was nice, compassionate, and understanding.

We get along splendidly personality wise, but I feel a little bitter towards her as my boss. I have since made close relationships with the secretaries in the office, and they have given me some insight that has changed my whole view of her, and makes total sense.

She originally was hired for my job. But was very under-qualified for it. She thought it would be an easy cake walk with easy hours. Right after she took the job, her boss, the director of the department left, and they were in a scramble, so they just bumped her up to be the director. She had little to no experience in the field. Then she went out on the family medical leave.

They hire me, and I have way more experience than her, but I'm younger. She talks like she knows what she is doing, and she doesn't do a bad job, but she often doesn't do standard practice type things, which she should know. She tries to act like she knows things, but she makes poor decisions planning events sometimes, and likes to try things that I tell her don't work. I've been in the field for a long time, I know what works. We meet with clients. She'll talk to a client for an hour at a time. I'll have fit in three clients to her one. She needs to be faster and more efficient. She also speaks to them way too casually. I'm fun and happy, but she'll make these crazy squeals and yells in this obnoxious way when she speaks to them, trying to be lively, but it comes across as unprofessional. She also doesn't dress professionally for someone who is a director. She's comes to work before, her hair a mess, with little kid clips in it-she has multiple children, palazzo pants, that looks more like lounge pants, and just sometimes seems like an overall mess. The secretary told me that the higher ups don't notice, but other colleagues of ours have made comments about her and her professionalism before. The secretary also mentions how she thinks I'm often getting used by her. She does try to pawn more work off on me, when I already have a set job which account for 80% of my job.

Recently, we've been in the event planning mode. She and I are supposed to be a team but I feel we are anything but. I used to work with a team. We collaborated on many events, it was seamless, and we each had our own little part.

With my boss now. She's planning all these events, that have her name smacked on them, but she's been using me and the interns for these brainwashing sessions, and I feel she is just sucking ideas from us, and then using us to help her in her goal. When I bring up an event I want to plan, she says, okay you go ahead and do it. No help, no brainstorming, no nothing. It's not a team effort. And she monopolizes the interns for all her stuff, that my stuff gets pushed aside. The thing that got me, was she was speaking about all these gifts she wants to buy for clients. She's going on and on all about her things and her gifts. I throw in multiple times that I am throwing events coming up too and I need gifts for my clients. She ignores me. By the end, she was all about her stuff and acted like she was going to spend our entire budget on her stuff. I didn't find that fair. She has control of our money, and now I feel like my stuff is junk back burner. I reached out to her through email, professionally and told her how I want gifts for my clients too and if she could give me a budget, so I can decide what I can get. Instead of throwing out a number, she says we will have to discuss it. Makes me think she is hoarding all the money to herself. Recently she was called out by a high level executive who heard from clients that she wasn't producing. Now I think she feels under the gun so she is using all our money and resources for her events, and I get nothing. I feel bitter over this.

She's planning this event for April. She has me helping her and I'm expected to be there. I'm planning an event for February. I am getting no help, and I doubt she'll even be there. As the director over me, she should be showing her face and being there.

The secretaries claim she uses me and everyone knows it, and if it wasn't for me and my experience, that she'd be drowning, and I hold her afloat. I do see it now. She picks my brain constantly for her stuff, promotes her stuff to our bigger bosses, and ignores my stuff. I think she has to do this so they think she has her stuff together. She isn't unorganized, but I think she talks a good talk, when in reality, she doesn't know what she is doing and just makes off the cuff decisions, where I am very secure in my actions and know what I want, because I have experience in the industry. I just feel like I'm being used all the time, but she tries to promote that we are this team. She doesn't help me on one thing that I do. But I help her heaps.

[turf3]

This is not necessarily a terrible situation to be in.


Think George Bush and Dick Cheney.


Keep on making yourself indispensable.

[bobsell]

Sociopaths will sociopath.

[Oceanside_M]

If she's your boss in a badly managed company she can do all the above and no one would change a thing. I think your mindset needs to change because you somehow think you're better than her or you are the one who deserves her job. You can leave...

Or the alternative is to treat this as mostly a mental game with her. Stop letting her get to you so much and make her believe that if she scratches your back, you scratch hers. You appear to come from a very textbook or sterile environment prior where things worked like clockwork. Things have changed. Evolve and change your mindset that you're entitled to anything. The majority of companies are dumps like this - badly managed and not a lot of accountability. So what are you going to do about it? Sink or swim? How badly do you need the job?

I agree with you that she's unprofessional and sounds unqualified for the position.

[Thoreau424]

Reminds me a little of one job where a much younger and less-experienced person was put above me, as boss / supervisor. She was very green, not only a boss, but even as an employee (she was straight out of college, and came across as though she worked very little before that). She was uneasy that I had so much experience and maturity, and it seemed to have freaked her out. She started building a case of lies to make me look bad, as though I wasn't able to my job well. In the end, she pulled it off (that I wasn't up to par, and having me let go), conveniently disposing of me. The company was too spineless and blind to look any further, and just took her word for everything.

In some ways leaving hurt, because I saw through it all, and knew it was bogus. On the other hand, the company was inept and dysfunctional in letting her run the show without checking things out, so I'm glad to be away from such a company. Even though it was my loss, I bet she didn't last long carrying on like that. What goes around, comes around. There's satisfaction in that karma sort of thing that regulates and corrects situations.

Yeah, "teamwork". That word got thrown around too. "Teamwork" for her meant a big stab in the back.

Best of wishes and luck with your situation.