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Ok, so now that I was able to lure every one in, I do have a question and hopefully you all can offer some guidance, perhaps even a psychological perspective. Why is that that when a person comes to work, does their job, is CORDIAL, other colleagues have a tendency to dislike them.
I am a female in my early 30s and am what some previous bosses have described as being low maintenance. In other words I don't constantly need supervision to do my job or be told to do certain things that are my responsibility. I am nice to my coworkers in a professional way. I steer clear of gossiping or divulging anything about my personal life. I know that this is career suicide and I am not likely to move "up" but this is just my personality.
I have noticed that I seem to insight some aggravation with coworkers or even be dubbed not a team player. I do prefer to be alone and could care less about being in the limelight but those qualities have never stopped me from being nice, exchanging pleasantries, and your typical office banter. I must admit that I do not regularly seek people out because I am usually at my desk, but if someone stops by for a chat I am mostly open to it.
People in my office seem to get aggravated at me when I leave on time, come in on time, and because I take my lunches away from the office. Not to mention that my work does not impact theirs and this is a gov. job so one is bringing work home unless they are salaried. My current department is small (6 people) and my boss literally expects us to go to lunch with him every day. He gets offended when I take my 1 hour lunch break and returns as opposed to going with him. I used to go to lunch with them but got sick of it because my boss was always wanting to "sit" by me and eating off my plate. I believe that he does not have a fulfilling home life because I cannot imagine why he or others would expect a person to stay beyond their assigned time. I see this gig as work and it is not like my work impacts others nor am I behind.
My current department is small (6 people) and my boss literally expects us to go to lunch with him every day. He gets offended when I take my 1 hour lunch break and returns as opposed to going with him. I used to go to lunch with them but got sick of it because my boss was always wanting to "sit" by me and eating off my plate. I believe that he does not have a fulfilling home life because I cannot imagine why he or others would expect a person to stay beyond their assigned time. I see this gig as work and it is not like my work impacts others nor am I behind.
Any thoughts?
Government job, and your boss like to eat off your plate? Update the resume and get another job.
Almost everything you mentioned sounds typical (unfortunately).
Expecting you to go out to lunch with him everyday, and your boss insists on sitting next to you and eating off your plate??? Yeah that's a little bit weird.....
People like others who jump into the conversation because they look involved and engaged, so for introverts who like to be alone, they look standoffish.
Let's say you're at a party. Most everyone is mingling with others, even if it's just minglng with one other person. You see a person by themselves. It's not easy approaching that person to ask them to join; it's uncomfortable. I don't know why it's uncomfortable (maybe someone can explain), it just is. It takes a compassionate person to approach someone sitting there alone.
But let's say an extrovert just arrives. They immediately find a conversation to jump into. That's great because they look engaged. You don't have to do anything to engage them.
Ok, so now that I was able to lure every one in, I do have a question and hopefully you all can offer some guidance, perhaps even a psychological perspective. Why is that that when a person comes to work, does their job, is CORDIAL, other colleagues have a tendency to dislike them.
I am a female in my early 30s and am what some previous bosses have described as being low maintenance. In other words I don't constantly need supervision to do my job or be told to do certain things that are my responsibility. I am nice to my coworkers in a professional way. I steer clear of gossiping or divulging anything about my personal life. I know that this is career suicide and I am not likely to move "up" but this is just my personality.
I have noticed that I seem to insight some aggravation with coworkers or even be dubbed not a team player. I do prefer to be alone and could care less about being in the limelight but those qualities have never stopped me from being nice, exchanging pleasantries, and your typical office banter. I must admit that I do not regularly seek people out because I am usually at my desk, but if someone stops by for a chat I am mostly open to it.
People in my office seem to get aggravated at me when I leave on time, come in on time, and because I take my lunches away from the office. Not to mention that my work does not impact theirs and this is a gov. job so one is bringing work home unless they are salaried. My current department is small (6 people) and my boss literally expects us to go to lunch with him every day. He gets offended when I take my 1 hour lunch break and returns as opposed to going with him. I used to go to lunch with them but got sick of it because my boss was always wanting to "sit" by me and eating off my plate. I believe that he does not have a fulfilling home life because I cannot imagine why he or others would expect a person to stay beyond their assigned time. I see this gig as work and it is not like my work impacts others nor am I behind.
Any thoughts?
Considering that we are only hearing your side of the situation how can we tell? If one person gets miffed at you that can just be them. If a group is acting miffed there's more going on and it is related to something you did or or still do. You've done nothing at all? Doesn't sound like it. If you happen to be in a bunch of workaholics maybe they do resent your more "cavalier" attitude about the job. When people decide their work is important and fulfilling they do stay after hours. Nothing wrong with that, its their decision. It could be that when you decided not to keep joining the lunch crew you handled it awkwardly so it did offend. Maybe you gave the impression they were not worth your time. Have you ever asked anyone about this?
I'm like you except that I'm male and a little older. However, my coworkers don't treat me anything like yours do. For the most part they treat me well or at least okay. I was thinking maybe introverted women are treated differently than men but than I came to the part about your boss wanting to eat with you every day and EATING OFF YOUR PLATE. That's not normal nor acceptable, especially the part about eating off your plate. Just based on this behavior it seems your boss is abusing his power. I don't think being treated like this just because you're an introvert is normal, at least everywhere I've worked. I would never eat with my boss again and start looking for another job. I'd never stand for this kind of behavior.
I'm like you except that I'm male and a little older. However, my coworkers don't treat me anything like yours do. For the most part they treat me well or at least okay. I was thinking maybe introverted women are treated differently than men but than I came to the part about your boss wanting to eat with you every day and EATING OFF YOUR PLATE. That's not normal nor acceptable, especially the part about eating off your plate. Just based on this behavior it seems your boss is abusing his power. I don't think being treated like this just because you're an introvert is normal, at least everywhere I've worked. I would never eat with my boss again and start looking for another job. I'd never stand for this kind of behavior.
Well, there is another older female who works with me and they don't seem to be miffed at her and she does not go to lunch with them. However the guys will go out and she will have lunch in the office. I used to go but as I mentioned the comments being made in the office are not appropriate and make me uncomfortable so I stopped. I also don't like being the only young female going with a bunch of men, especially when they regularly have locker room talk around me. I suspect that one of the guys have had sex with the older female because one of my coworkers hit her on the butt with rolled up paper. Usually people in the office do NOT act this comfortable with each other unless they have crossed other boundaries.
Considering that we are only hearing your side of the situation how can we tell? If one person gets miffed at you that can just be them. If a group is acting miffed there's more going on and it is related to something you did or or still do. You've done nothing at all? Doesn't sound like it. If you happen to be in a bunch of workaholics maybe they do resent your more "cavalier" attitude about the job. When people decide their work is important and fulfilling they do stay after hours. Nothing wrong with that, its their decision. It could be that when you decided not to keep joining the lunch crew you handled it awkwardly so it did offend. Maybe you gave the impression they were not worth your time. Have you ever asked anyone about this?
Well I think a part of it is that I don't fit in. This office is very very very lax. To the point of being unprofessional. My coworkers show up 30-40 minutes late to work today and take very long lunch breaks. I am used to working in a more structured type environment and if I would have done that in previous departments my supervisor would have said something to me about it. One of my coworkers who is much older said that I should be MORE like them in terms of laxity, however I am very cautious about this because our dept. has been heavily scrutinized lately and under the microscope for a myriad of problems.
I'm an introvert too. Sounds like your boss has a crush on you. I've had jobs where I was told to slow down and do less work, because I was making everyone else look bad. (summer manufacturing job in college). That was probably my first actual job working for someone else at a big fortune 500 facility. I was also invited to lunches with the white collar folks who drank beer during lunch.
Just keep doing what you're doing and be you. If you have to, tell your boss you are fasting during days and don't want to be tempted to eat or you go walking, take care of a pet, run errands..etc...at lunch break.
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I believe that he does not have a fulfilling home life because I cannot imagine why he or others would expect a person to stay beyond their assigned time. I see this gig as work and it is not like my work impacts others nor am I behind. 
