Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Disagree. I'm not going to allow some raving lunatic to ruin my career. She is already on her way out so why now leave? It sounds like she's the one who needs counseling, not OP.
I agree that some of this was probably brought on by the OP and I wholeheartedly agree about nothing being personal friends with co-workers outside of work, most especially in a male/female relationship, you stand too much to lose there.
This probably doesn't need to be said but you should no longer be emailing/communicating with peers outside of work. And re-read everything 3 times before you hit the send button for everything you send internally. These people are everywhere and are looking for some poor schlep like you to take down with them.
Yes, but the problem is the OP is now viewed as a liability who created way too much noise over something that was of his own doing. It doesn't matter how many times he is exonerated, the fact it happened in the first place is never good. After all he is the one that sent an unprofessional email.
Plus, the OP will be bitter that the company didn't fully back him from the beginning even though they acted correctly.
And if it bothers him this much after the fact, believe it, it's going to keep affecting him in the long run.
To the OP, so where EXACTLY does this stand now?
You've been completed exonerated at every step, right? So sounds to me like your employer and managers know there was nothing to the allegations.
Also, you said:"not once has anybody (apart from my immediate manager) even told me what the investigation has found..." well, it's better that not that may people know. And from what you've said, I'd guess that more higher ups know than just your manager. The manager is just the one delivering the updates.
As for your feelings/emotions about the whole thing, of course you'd be livid. BUT -- as you said -- you have a wife and kids, so you can't let the stress of some nut job take you out health wise. Find your own coping mechanism. Even if it's just the determination and motivation that this biotch isn't going to ruin your life.
Now that you've been completely exonerated...can you suing her civilly. That would just drag it out and you know the biotch is crazy so you may not want to stoke the bear. Only you can decide if you want the entire episode over -- or revenge -- or both!
Quote:
And why were you exchanging unprofessional emails with her in the first place. Work relationships should always be professional, and it looks like you brought this situation upon yourself.
Quote:
but the problem is the OP is now viewed as a liability who created way too much noise over something that was of his own doing.
Whoa.....where does the OP say any of what you've stated here? If it's there I've missed it. Did the OP say the email was personal, not work related or after hours? Did the OP say the company didn't back him up, or he's viewed as a liability because of his own doing? Where are you getting this?
If your company has an employee assistance program that could get you started with a few counseling sessions, that's a good place to start. Your frustration and anger are legitimate, and it's reasonable that you would need some help walking through this traumatic experience and learning how to put it behind you.
For the past three months I have been going through hell. A woman at work, who I have always been good friends with, decided to get annoyed with an email I sent. Instead of talking to me about it, she went straight to HR as in her words it was "condescending, inappropriate". Without going into details, HR looked into it and decided there was no case to answer from me. I am the manager, she is the assistant and although looking back I regret the tone of my email there was nothing that meant it should go any further.
In any case I apologised for it to keep the peace, she accepted the apology and we all moved on. Or so U thought. The next day she went back to HR, complaining I was now ignoring her. The rest of the team said this was ridiculous. 2 days after that she stormed out the office saying I was looking at her aggressively. From there things snowballed. She would make a complaint, slowly upping the stakes until HR investigated and found no case worth answering.
As the weeks went by the accusations went to racism, sexism, and bullying. She was signed off with stress and I found myself defending myself regularly with HR. Each and every accusation was disproved.
The final accusation came from her via email at 2am one morning (when I suspect she had been drinking). She sent in a message to all senior management saying "this is an example of how inappropriate his behaviour is". She attached an email with the saluation "hey chopsticks". She also attached a copy of the urban dictionary which describes what "chopsticks" apparently means to the younger generation. Without going into details here it is extremely vulgar.
Her big mistake also came here now. Upon receiving the chopsticks email, HR launched an investigation off their own back Did I mention she has refused to launch any "official" complaint because it "might hinder her career". At this stage however HR went through all my conversations with her via any work medium. The one thing that was discovered was that she had used the "chopsticks" term, not me. So basically she incriminated herself (although she has since accused the IT department of doctoring emails!)
Work have now taken the decision that I am completely exonerated, and she has been told to resign or face being sacked (which still annoys me as surely this should be gross misconduct). however my work want to keep it out of the papers.
At this moment we are just awaiting final details of her severance package but she has now had 3 months signed off with "stress". I however have continued to go to work day in day out throughout this whole debacle. I have a wife and two very young children and the stress and strain I have been through is off the scale. My work have been useless, constantly making sure she is ok - not once has anybody (apart from my immediate manager) even told me what the investigation has found, or even asked how I am coping. One of my senior managers did phone me early on however and state "if you are found guilty you will be out of your job with immediate effect)
I now find myself absolutely livid. Firstly at her - why has she done this to me and my family? And secondly with my employer for the wy they have treated me through the whole situation. I am fed up of thinking about it - its the last thing I think about at night, and the first thing I think about in the morning.
What do I do to get over this? My blood pressure is through the roof, I haven't slept properly in months and I seem to have lost my confidence somewhat...which is very strange for me as that has always been one of my main traits. I feel that everybody is against me (not true I know, I have had unwavering support from everybody in the office) and have a headache that just refuses to shift.
But I don't want to get signed off with stress...or should I? In my mind that is almost an acceptance of guilt, that I have something to hide. Am I just being stupid? All I know is that my work and home life is being hugely impacted at the moment
Sorry for the long post. Has anybody been through anything similar?
Many thanks
I am sympathic to your plight but company management should maintain an objective, impartial stance. Any expression of concern to you, etc. might be construed as partiality and taint the outcome.
I am assuming as part of her severance package she will waive her right to sue. Until she signs off, there is the potential for litigation so the company will remain mum about the details of the investigation. Just because the company investigation results in an unfounded finding does not preclude the employee from taking outside legal action.
For your own sanity, consult with an employment law attorney. An employment law attorney will be familiar with these cases and his counsel may be helpful to your wellbeing and will worth the one-time consult charge.
Yes, I second the suggestions to use your companys free counseling plan. Typically it covers about 5-6 sessions. To use it does not imply you are weak or screwed up in any way. In fact, it's a sign of strength. I've used mine before and I'm glad I did, even if just to process your feelings.
I am so sorry, this is horrible and unfortunately I see this daily because I am one of the people who investigates allegations of workplace misconduct. I deal with stories like this everyday and it pisses me off. Granted I do find individuals who are awful people and do awful things but unfortunately we do not get to decide which allegations we think might be bogus and which are not.......the facts and investigation will answer those questions. In OP's case, it was found the woman was a wackadoodle, I can't tell you how many people like this exist, it is mind boggling BUT as I said a company has an obligation to all staff to address all concerns without bias. As a manager, you must accept some level of risk and understand you will be a target at times, if you don't have the skin for it you may decide management is not for you. I would also suggest seeking professional counseling, I would guess your company offers some type of support resource, they can really help talk through things and give you a clearer head. In the end though, if you have no guilt then you need to just shrug it off and keep going and know that probably everyone else saw this wachadoodle a mile away (like I do) and simply HAD to go threw the motions. I doubt your reputation was tarnished at all because like I said we can see wackadoodles a mile away. Let it go.
Sorry for the long post. Has anybody been through anything similar?
Forgot to mention, being an investigator and part of HR, YES I have been complained about SOOO many times, lied about, accused of horrible and egregious wrongdoing. It stings every time because some a-hole is crazy, lazy, a liar, a sociopath, unmedicated bipolar...the list goes on and on but I don't lose sleep over it, my skin has thickened and I've become immune because I know I'm doing the right thing and I don't have to go home with their problems. Just keep focusing on work and going forward because trust me, you are SO much better off than the wackadoodles.
And for the love, don't listen to rants of "HR is not friend and is only in it for the company". While this is true, EVERYONE that works for a company is there for the company and to do their job and not assigned to be a "friend". HR is a job just like all the others which in your case sounds like they did their job investigating a claim, coming to a conclusion and trying to resolve it by getting rid of this wack job. Sounds like they rocked it to me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
