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I'm civil considerate and nice. I just don't want to get personal about my life
You don't have to. Its all in the delivery. If someone asks a question like "what are you up to this weekend?" you can politely give a non committal answer like "oh nothing exciting, chores, errands, a walk", smile and walk away. As they get to know you they'll figure out how much you care to share. You are still pretty new BTW.
One lady asked me if I had kids and I don't and then she asked me if I ever wanted any. I wanted to say that's none of your business
That likely wouldn't go so well, but you could be snarky and ask her an overly personal question in return. Or simply say "why do you ask?" with a smile, which puts the pressure on her to answer and takes the pressure off you.
That likely wouldn't go so well, but you could be snarky and ask her an overly personal question in return. Or simply say "why do you ask?" with a smile, which puts the pressure on her to answer and takes the pressure off you.
This^^^
I happen to be someone who finds good friends at work. I figure that most of my time is spent there, I may as well enjoy the people I am with. I actually met my husband at work.
I'm fairly new at my job - 7 weeks. I think some of my female colleagues find me "unfriendly" because I choose not to get personal with them. I don't talk about myself or feel the need to share anything. I'm always nice, professional and willing to help however I can. I'm 35 and have been working long enough to learn from my past mistakes about getting too chummy at work. I don't care if I'm not part of a clique.
What is your opinion on this?
It depends. You need to form a relationship with them, talk about your personal life to some extent. Otherwise it can feel so official to converse with you it can almost feel unnatural. And then it becomes uncomfortable. So it depends on how you handle it. Your goal is to make them enjoy conversing with you all while doing your job effectively. I'd also try to be helpful when you have a moment to spare
I'm fairly new at my job - 7 weeks. I think some of my female colleagues find me "unfriendly" because I choose not to get personal with them. I don't talk about myself or feel the need to share anything. I'm always nice, professional and willing to help however I can. I'm 35 and have been working long enough to learn from my past mistakes about getting too chummy at work. I don't care if I'm not part of a clique.
What is your opinion on this?
My opinion is you might be my long-lost twin.
Your inclination to be professional and polite but not personal is 100% legitimate, and it is your right. The problem is, in most professional environments, people like you (me) will be significantly outnumbered, and there's a strong chance your performance could be negatively impacted by the steadily growing communication gap.
There are at least two ways to address this issue head on before it escalates:
1- Consider if there's a way to communicate in a way that your coworkers consider adequately personal, even if it is not personal for you. In other words, are there ways for you to share enough meaningless details for them to feel like you're being more "friendly", without actually revealing anything that you consider personal or off-limits?
2- Confront the situation. Sometimes a frank conversation to explain your position does wonders. Let the offended persons know directly that you're committed to being professional and polite, but at the same time having personal conversations falls outside of your comfort zone. They will likely understand, but even if they don't you've already taken all reasonable professional steps you need to take before elevating any potential "retaliatory" behaviors from them to management.
Personally my notion is to be open to establishing friendly relationships with coworkers, but at the same time to understand there's no guarantee people will click just because they work together. I'm friendly with a good number of my coworkers, but I usually only get there after it becomes clear over time we get along well and have mutual interests. I don't ever walk into a new workplace expecting to make friends. Being casual about the company one keeps seems to be a one-way ticket to office drama.
I support your caution, but for your own sake please do not allow the communication gap to widen. Push back, with all professional tact of course. Don't allow the extroverts to shove us introverts off the stage!
Corporations would like nothing more to dehumanize the work place.
* They think, mostly with good reason, this will make the work place more productive
* They fear, with good reason, interpersonal relationships will lead to HR issues
So from most corporate perspectives, they want you to resemble intelligent machines. Do your work, do it well, then get out. Don't cause problems.
This is all fine and good except one thing. We aren't just machines.
* You will often spend more waking time with your coworkers than your family, sadly
* People are social animals, and relationships happen. Friendships, love interest, "water cooler talk", etc...
It doesn't matter what the HR policy says (hell the often break their own policies), relationships with coworkers dealing with non-work related stuff will happen, unless workplaces become grey fascist places of full on drudgery, which is where they might be headed, at least your job is automated and you become one of the excess labor units that "world thinkers" are trying to come up with a plan to deal with. Hint, it won't be pretty long term.
Best solution? Corporations should realize people are people and quit trying to fit square pegs into round holes. Workers also need to realize that although they are human beings they are being paid to work. You will make friends or more, you will chat about unpolitcally correct things, that is ok, you just should be wise about it. If you are offending someone or making someone uncomfortable shut up. If you are being offended, politely say so before running to HR. If they don't get the hint, then run.
Just everyone follow common sense and work will get done without having a sterile environment.
As to how much you expose at work, that is a personal choice. Each person is different. There are good reasons to be mostly guarded. Many factors come into play. Everyone should be focused on getting the work done though, if other things become too distracting against that, either the situation should be self corrected or people should be let go.
Some people just want to have a conversation or want to know a little bit about you.. SMH
That's not a conversation I'm comfortable with
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