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I got a new job about 6 weeks ago and encountered a problem I never have in the past. Cliques aren't just in high school apparently. The assistant manager and most of the employees (5 out of 7) have formed a tight clique in which they exclude the two new employees, myself and another woman, who were hired about the same time. The favoritism is extreme: these girls (early 20s) are invited to social events outside of work, are allowed to go to lunch before us 2, exclude us from conversations at the workplace and via text, etc. . .
It doesn't help that our manager is rather distant and uninvolved and makes the assistant manager take care of everything. I am much older (40) and have many years more experience in the field than the other employees, and patients like me, and although I have done my best to be friendly and nice, I have gotten the cold shoulder with these young women from day one. I get along just fine with coworkers from my other jobs no matter what their age; it is just this job. I like the company itself, but not this environment. I am not sure I can change this situation.
I am considering asking the manager for a transfer to another location, since it is corporate, but that would involve more drive time. We had other employees come in from another location temporarily and we got along great. I like the company itself and the way it operates, but I don't want to be a snitch and cause problems by ratting on the assistant manager to the manager, since she is the ringleader in this. I know that work shouldn't be just about socializing but it makes it uncomfortable working with several women who dislike me just because I'm not in this stupid group. I love what I do and don't want to hate the place where I'm doing it. Has anyone else had this problem? How did you solve it (if you did)?
Only if I were 20 something, I would feel bad if that clique did not invite me out for lunch or to social events. Otherwise, I would not bother to hang out with them at all. Those girls just want to gossip mostly.
I'm an introvert. I don't like small talks. Even when I was in my 20s, I hated gossips and politics at work. I was/am lucky that I had/have very good co-workers. Whoever organized the events often invited everyone. I used to feel tense when someone invited me to go out for lunch or to the social events with them. I tried my best to join the groups here and there, so I would not be left out or not to have a hard time at work. Now I'm glad that I've been with this company for quite a long time, everyone knows and understands that I'm quiet, experienced and good at what I do and don't really like to be in the crowd much, so there are times they just leave me alone.
To me, my purpose to come to work is to work, to do my job well, to earn my honest money, and at the end of the day I go home to my family. I would feel very tired if I had to around to talk, talk, talk too much about nonsense stuff that is not related to work. And I don't like someone to come near me to talk too much and does not do her job. I just hate it.
At my work, I'm nice and professional to everyone. But I don't care to be friends with anyone. I saw cases of people who were friends one day became rivals the next. I want to avoid that. I have friends out of work.
As for OP, you are new and as you state that you are older than many of those girls, so don't worry and don't bother so much those girls did not invite you to go out with them.
Don't feel bad, don't ask for a transfer, don't give up, don't need to look for a job somewhere else. Stay there, work hard, show those girls and the management you are good at your job and are better than them, and you are confident and secure. Eventually, you will have seniority (by work hours), you will know everything there inside out. Nobody can look down on you or jealous with you or bully you. They will have to respect you and may even come to you for advice.
And if you want to make friends, you can be friends with those two who are not in the clique. You can initiate to invite someone instead of waiting for someone to invite you. And make sure everyone goes dutch. Don't let anyone thinks the one who invites has to pay. It happens sometimes. Just to make it clear, so no one feels hurt.
Last edited by AnOrdinaryCitizen; 09-06-2017 at 11:47 PM..
you guys its not about being included in a social club- who cares about being part of some stupid clique-
its that the exclusionary nature of a workplace communication that is impeding workflow and making some co workers uncomfortable.
For example by all means have your 6 friends you eat lunch with etc, and party with, but for godssake don't do a group work text to advertise it. Thats juvenile, bad form, and against any legitimate company protocol I have ever worked for.
And that weird lunch protocol of favorites always going first to lunch no matter their start time? Whats the rules around that- there should be a set policy- the OP says its "corporate"-
again, it's in the business's best interests to run as a business and not some overgrown mean girls squadron....
I got a new job about 6 weeks ago and encountered a problem I never have in the past. Cliques aren't just in high school apparently. The assistant manager and most of the employees (5 out of 7) have formed a tight clique in which they exclude the two new employees, myself and another woman, who were hired about the same time. The favoritism is extreme: these girls (early 20s) are invited to social events outside of work, are allowed to go to lunch before us 2, exclude us from conversations at the workplace and via text, etc. . .
It doesn't help that our manager is rather distant and uninvolved and makes the assistant manager take care of everything. I am much older (40) and have many years more experience in the field than the other employees, and patients like me, and although I have done my best to be friendly and nice, I have gotten the cold shoulder with these young women from day one. I get along just fine with coworkers from my other jobs no matter what their age; it is just this job. I like the company itself, but not this environment. I am not sure I can change this situation.
I am considering asking the manager for a transfer to another location, since it is corporate, but that would involve more drive time. We had other employees come in from another location temporarily and we got along great. I like the company itself and the way it operates, but I don't want to be a snitch and cause problems by ratting on the assistant manager to the manager, since she is the ringleader in this. I know that work shouldn't be just about socializing but it makes it uncomfortable working with several women who dislike me just because I'm not in this stupid group. I love what I do and don't want to hate the place where I'm doing it. Has anyone else had this problem? How did you solve it (if you did)?
News flash:
1. Many workplaces are just an extension of high school
2. Management knows about the cliques
3. Cliques exist to exclude people
4. If you cannot handle the situation, suggest you find another job with more professional people.
From what you describe OP, it would seem to me that this workplace has a well defined culture. One that you are a poor fit for. Management has allowed this culture to develop and it appears to be very exclusionary, therefore the employees dictate who gets "in" and who gets left on the outside. My advice is to move on sooner than later.
Father time does some amazing thing to cliques - he destroys them. Just watch - best friends today will become non-speaking enemies tomorrow. My 30 years in various private and public positions have witnessed such.
I prefer to be a 'social' loner - one who 'is' a clique in and of themselves yet has no issues talking with others whether they like me or not (and I don't care what clique they belong to). Some folks hate to see others happy - pissing them off gives this individual clique great joy LOL.
Living well is the best revenge against those who'd take any chance to rail against you.
you guys its not about being included in a social club- who cares about being part of some stupid clique-
its that the exclusionary nature of a workplace communication that is impeding workflow and making some co workers uncomfortable.
For example by all means have your 6 friends you eat lunch with etc, and party with, but for godssake don't do a group work text to advertise it. Thats juvenile, bad form, and against any legitimate company protocol I have ever worked for.
And that weird lunch protocol of favorites always going first to lunch no matter their start time? Whats the rules around that- there should be a set policy- the OP says its "corporate"-
again, it's in the business's best interests to run as a business and not some overgrown mean girls squadron....
Time to get HR involved.
That's exactly what I'm saying. I appreciate the other posters' input. I'll stay where I am a while and see what happens. Maybe it's just a matter of me getting to know them. If not, I'll put in for the transfer. Another location nearby needs people.
well, i've seen one pro happen at my workplace recently when it came to cliques. a supervisory/team lead position became open, and one of my coworkers--who happen to belong to a pretty influential clique at work--applied for such position. my bosses refused to give him that slot given the nature of the clique and how it can affect his objectivity with us subordinates when time comes for annual performance appraisals. i also think the bosses are fearful of how he can turn the subordinates around against his superiors when needed
well, i've seen one pro happen at my workplace recently when it came to cliques. a supervisory/team lead position became open, and one of my coworkers--who happen to belong to a pretty influential clique at work--applied for such position. [b]my bosses refused to give him that slot given the nature of the clique and how it can affect his objectivity [/B]with us subordinates when time comes for annual performance appraisals. i also think the bosses are fearful of how he can turn the subordinates around against his superiors when needed
I would have done this too. This is called integrity and was a good call on your boss's end. Cliques are counter-productive and serve no purpose in the interdependent cultures that we all work in these days.
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