Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ignoring someone speaking in a demeaning way in the office is like ignoring littering, only worse. It's more like ignoring someone dumping toxic waste all over. It's bad for everyone, and it gives rise to more of the same.
The person being bullied relied on everyone else to do the dirty work for her. Much later I noticed that she never listened to all the good advice from friends and peers, and even rejected a job opportunity that she was encouraged to apply for (and she didn't do it, which didn't set well with HR, either). She just wanted to sit back and have everyone take care of her. Thinking back on this makes me angry at both her and myself for not realizing it much sooner.
And remember - HR is NOT your friend!
100% agree with above. What is this victim guy at work like? Trust me I have spent 30+ years helping a family member in an emotionally abusive domestic situation....and then she betrayed and turned on me in order to stay and please her abuser
On the other hand I have had co-workers crying in the office that I really felt badly for, supported them by urging them to speak up to the supervisor. Later on as it escalated and because I felt she wasn't the wimpy type to deny everything if asked, I eventually brought up the issue at a management meeting. However I presented in a way that "x and y employee not getting along and x causing y to cry at work is not a conducive to a positive work environment please look into it"
I think it's sad that many people at work witnessed this and said nothing
The person needs to go to human Resources.
If nothing is done, he or she can sue.
Companies are not allowed to let a hostile work place environment to continue, once informed.
In my case, trying to use Human Resources was the final straw in my determination that I work for horrible fetid scum disguised in suits. I was the third person in a year to stand up to a really insane, level 1 bully. Instead of acknowledging it an stepping in, they did everything they could to officially cover it up for a pending legal action. In going through all of this, I have learned that in schools and business, it is a common phenomenon to silence the victim rather than confront the bully. There are reasons bullies rise up to level they do, and never seem to go away. Human Resources are usually their biggest fans and personal protectors.
I was bullied in the workplace. It got to the point where I had nothing to lose. I walked into HR and gave then an ultimatum. Either they let me, the person who they hired do their job, or let the bully do it. Not both of us. Their answer was to make me report to a new manager who was an equal nightmare to deal with. So I quit without anything to fall back on. Best decision I ever made.
It's funny that I stumble across this thread today. I just confronted a work bully on Friday at an after-work event. It was all very casual and low-key.
The bully likes and respects me, so I figured I was in a good position to step in.
I told him, "I know you are a good person and you always try to do the right thing. I've known you a long time. But I think you have a blind spot when it comes to (Miss X). You don't seem to treat her like you do the others."
When he asked me for examples, I provided them. I told him I wanted to bring it up before she brought it to management herself. I didn't want something like that to be on his record.
If a younger coworker confided in you that they were being bullied by another coworker, and you had more sway with management, would you step in on their behalf (because they're too afraid and beaten down to speak up) and report the situation yourself? Or would you be hesitant to involve yourself in a situation that had nothing to do with you in the first place?
Early in my career, I was hired and immediately this senior guy was giving me a very hard time. The owner of the company came over and asked me if this guy was making it hard for me to do my job, because someone said something to him about it. I said yes, that was the case. The owner fired that employee. I found out later, the owner felt that was the last straw with a problem employee. I never found out who told the owner about it, but I was thankful they did, because I was just trying to deal with it because I was young and new on the job.
So as a result of that experience, I have no problem going to talk to management when needed. I wouldn't listen to the pathetic punks who tell you to ignore it. It does have something to do with you, it has an impact on where you work. Don't talk to HR, go talk to someone in management who can do something about it.
Been there. What would probably happen, is the guy will back down and say everything's fine when the supervisor calls him in to ask him about what you reported. "No, I'm happy. Everything is fine." is probably what he'll say. Then you look like the idiot who just brought something to the supervisor who now has to deal with the complaint by you, without a complaint by the supposed victim. The supervisor won't be grateful to you.
The guy is an adult. The fact that he's complaining to people says to me he's hoping someone else will deal with it. But, my experience is that if it means the supervisor wants him to file a complaint against the bully, he'll back down and wimp out.
All you can really do is tell the guy the next time he whines to you, is tell him "Go to HR and report him." Rinse. Repeat.
I agree with the others who have said this answer is the best in the thread. Agree with you 100% NoMoreSnowForMe and I would rep you multiple times for it if I could. The best thing the OP can do is be available to offer encouragement to their co-worker on how to fight their own battle but otherwise stay out of the situation. There is usually little benefit and lots of risk to someone in the OP's situation to get in the middle of something like this.
Last edited by patches403; 02-29-2016 at 06:12 PM..
It's funny that I stumble across this thread today. I just confronted a work bully on Friday at an after-work event. It was all very casual and low-key.
The bully likes and respects me, so I figured I was in a good position to step in.
I told him, "I know you are a good person and you always try to do the right thing. I've known you a long time. But I think you have a blind spot when it comes to (Miss X). You don't seem to treat her like you do the others."
When he asked me for examples, I provided them. I told him I wanted to bring it up before she brought it to management herself. I didn't want something like that to be on his record.
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
- Martin Niemöller
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
