Narcissistic co-worker competing with me for promotion (job offers, employee, interview)

[sauronic]

Hello, everyone!

I have a bit of a dilemma that I have been trying to deal with for a while. I am at a relatively new workplace and have always seen it as my enjoyable "stepping stone" into a leadership role within 5 years. We only have a dozen employees. The job offers the ability to move into leadership in accordance with certification and education.

I have my Masters degree, and am working on the next step. I plan on completing an accelerated program for the next step, which will likely take two years.

Here's the thing: that annoying, narcissistic, approval-seeking person we all work with is intending to achieve the same goal, pursuing the same degree through the same school, and within the same timeline.

Now, I've kept the peace and held my cards close, yet this person has been chosen by the boss to attend a marketing leadership conference in a couple months. She and I are going on another leadership conference in March. The boss is aware that both of us are doing this, yet they have not said anything to either of us about it. I only know because this competitor broadcasts their abilities and opportunities to everyone else.
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For me, this is what it all means:

1) Employees complain about this arrogant, loudmouth co-worker. Does the boss pick up on this? If so, why would he have the company pay for her conference and flight?

2) With 10 years less experience, I have created a lot of new systems and have shown my worth. I have a better educational background, grades, and success. How does this compare to numeric experience? Is this totally dependent on the boss, or is there a typical trend?

3) With all of this said, is it worth it to have this internal competition, or should I look elsewhere? I would rather not spend my time elsewhere and I feel that I am the best choice because I keep to myself, do my work, let myself be known, and don't boast about myself. I suppose that part of what bothers me is that I feel that this other worker gets recognition simply because they over-promote their work. It would seem to me that this is apparent to everyone--many co-workers comment on it--but I'm not sure it is clear to the boss. I feel that I would be the better leader because I have the support of the workers. To be completely honest, this person has explained to me for about an hour, on a few occasions, how intelligent they were and then described the major turning point in their life once they discovered that there are people more intelligent than them. Because I am in charge of scheduling, I ask everyone if they are available during certain periods. This person always publicly says that they are too busy, but when I ask privately, the available times seem to be perfectly fine.

Overall, I am looking for advice because, despite my drive, passion, and attempts to improve myself, I lack experience and insight when it comes to jobs and perspectives of employers. I know that my competition is very flawed, yet gaining recognition where I am not.

[HappyDogToday]

Yeah and then when she starts sabotaging your efforts, lying, back stabbing, setting you up, creating alliances, and has the boss wrapped around her little finger, where will you be?
It's bound to happen with this personality type. It's what they live for.

[sauronic]

That's what I'm afraid of as well. I am considering leaving soon, leaving once it becomes a problem, or leaving if my promotion is unsuccessful. The boss is great, so I'm having a hard time believing that he doesn't understand how poorly people think of this worker, yet he is rewarding her. I am trying to get a leadership role as quickly as possible; I'd like some insight as to whether or not this seems on the surface to be a dead-end.

Do bosses award based on what they think is right or do they delegate to appease? My feeling that the boss made this seemingly crazy decision raises a big red flag for me, but I have never been a boss and would like to give him, as a great employer so far, the benefit of the doubt...

[MPowering1]

Sauronic, the way I read it, you're part of a toxic group of people. What makes you think you have leadership skills?

[mdlee3_46041]

1) Good bosses can usually pick up on a groups feelings towards another employee. Despite this other employee's "flaws", she has apparently shown something that appeals to your boss. It doesn't mean she's getting the job, but more than likely it won't hurt to give her the opportunity either.

2) The competition can be good unless it turns into what FeelinLow says and she starts sabotaging, lying, backstabbing to get her way. I'm not sure how your company makes the decision, but when my company hires a new supervisor, they have the department manager, a person from HR, and another supervisor in the interview and they are firing questions at the applicant rapidly. It will be questions like, "Two employees arguing in the cafeteria, how would you resolve the situation?" or "You're covering for another supervisor in a department that you aren't familiar with. An employee isn't sick, but requests to go home. What do you do?" Then, if the applicant gets through all of the questions like that, they will ask him/her for an idea about how to improve the department. Generally speaking, in my company, the answer to that question will be what decides if you get the job or not. So, if you really are the best person for the job, then your work should show it and when it comes time for an interview if they give you one, you should be the one that is able to answer the questions the best.

If you get in an interview situation, focus your answers towards what you can do, not what your coworker can't do. If you don't get the promotion, ask for feedback to see what you could do to give you a better chance at the job in the future if it opens up. Of course, you may exceed their expectations and them decide that they have another position in mind for you that would be better than the one you're being considered for now.

[Mnseca]

Originally Posted by sauronic

That's what I'm afraid of as well. I am considering leaving soon, leaving once it becomes a problem, or leaving if my promotion is unsuccessful. The boss is great, so I'm having a hard time believing that he doesn't understand how poorly people think of this worker, yet he is rewarding her. I am trying to get a leadership role as quickly as possible; I'd like some insight as to whether or not this seems on the surface to be a dead-end.

Do bosses award based on what they think is right or do they delegate to appease? My feeling that the boss made this seemingly crazy decision raises a big red flag for me, but I have never been a boss and would like to give him, as a great employer so far, the benefit of the doubt...

You should probably look for another job - one with more straightforward office politics. Your office sounds toxic. If you are promoted over her, she'll just make a big stink and sabotage you. Likely the boss knows that, too. It's also possible that she's finding ways to make you look bad to the boss without you knowing - dropping little hints and making small comments that somehow show she is better than you. And anyway, if there is only one opportunity for advancement and you have to compete viciously for it, then that's not really a lot of opportunity for advancement.

Also, as far as figuring out what the boss is thinking, it's already a bad sign that you don't know. Most bosses I've had don't reward anything - they couldn't care less about what you deserve or what you can do. They only care what you can do for THEM, personally, and how you will forward their personal agenda, whatever that might be. So there is no point in trying to figure out what he/she is thinking.

[harlowvart]

Is this other person narcissistic or just good at self-promotion? I also have a strongly negative reaction to people who talk themselves up, but those are the people who get promotions. It might be a good idea to learn a few tricks from her.

Are you at the same level as this person who has ten years experience? Why hasn't she been promoted already? Are the promotions unlimited if they are based on certifications and education?

I would say that for most employers, experience trumps education. By the time this promotion comes up, your employer will have a pretty good idea what you are capable of, so the lack of experience may not be an issue. Your educational background will also probably matter less at that point, unless you are in an industry like education.

A lot can happen in two years.

[MPowering1]

Apparently I'm the only one reading it this way - but it sounds like the other person is above the fray and isn't engaging in bashing another member of the team. In addition, what the op describes as arrogant self-promotion, could simply be doing things and then letting the manager know she's done them.

OP wants to compete with someone who has ten years on her when it comes to experience. What's the best way to do that? Tear them down.

I can't speak to the other person being described, but I think the post comes across as arrogant and childish.

[sauronic]

Thanks for the replies everyone! This has helped a lot. I know that I have a long way to go before the promotion (we both do). I suppose I'm trying to figure out what is working for this other worker and how I can improve and be even better than that. I'm ultimately trying to be the best I can be--even if it doesn't lead to THIS promotion, I feel that there must be something this person is doing right that I can learn from.

And yes, I can safely say that this other worker is arrogant and all the other things-- they rattled off to me for an hour about their genius intelligence and how it took a long time to understand that there are actually people in the world that are smarter. They say things like, "I know that I have really wonderful ideas, but another great thing about me is that I am actually willing to look at other ideas, so if you have any, I will definitely consider them." People avoid eating lunch with them because it is usually one-sided. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Is there anything "good" about this personality type that we can learn from? Have these traits gone unnoticed by the boss or are they helpful in some way?

Thanks again for all the great replies!!

[joe from dayton]

There is internal competetion just about everywhere for most promotional opportunities. Do you honestly think otherwise?