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Last fall I went through a job loss that was really hideous. Without going into a novel, it completely blindsided me and the other people affected, parts of my job were given to a person cheaper and less qualified, much of the department I'd created from scratch over years was thrown away. In my case, the job loss was not part of a wider layoff. As I later found out, my new VP "hated" my area and thought what we did was "useless" so he took the first opportunity to give us the ax. ( I never even met the guy). There's more, but again, no novel.
I had tremendous support from my friends and professional community, and thankfully, a few months ago I found new employment. It's a great job-- better pay, more responsibility, expanded duties. I'm really liking it so far. I really thought I could really put the old, crappy job behind me-- concentrate on great new job, get to learn a new city, etc. Give a big ol ********* to previous job by finding something better.
Today a friend shared some news/updates about previous job that just made my blood boil. It's along the same lines as above. I was honestly surprised how much venom I still felt about this past job. Clearly, I have not remotely "moved on" if I'm feeling this much anger.
How have other people "moved on" from previously awful experiences? Not that *any* job loss is usually good, but some are worse than others. People say "just let it go" but it's not that easy. I think a lot of my lingering resentment is that it was so personal. I didn't lose my job because of budget cuts, or an organizational shift, or because I was a bad worker. It was because someone higher up thought my skills were "useless." That's really painful, even if my new job thinks they are awesome.
There's really nothing else you can do other than to "let it go", although your anger and frustration at how you were treated is certainly understandable. It's easier for some people to let go than others, and you may have to work at it, but doing so is for YOUR benefit, not for your ex-employers. Think of the old saying about the "best revenge is to live well", and if you can imagine, if you will, actually thanking your old employer to have let you go, so that you could take advantage of the opportunity for a better, higher paying job that's better for you in every way ( not that you will actually do so) it might help put the whole thing in a better perspective.
Also it helps to think, and really believe, that your former employers letting you go was THEIR loss, not yours, and that doing so was certainly an error in their judgement.
It's happened to me too, the last time was in a job where I had spent over 6 yrs there, had made a lot of personal sacrifices to go over and above the job description, and had put my heart and soul into the place ( I should have known better, I had enough experience to know how foolish this was, but it was in a pediatric oncology clinic and some things just do that to you). The doctors decided to eliminate half of the staff when they turned down a request from the hospital in which the clinic was located to buy the practice, and the hospital said it couldn't supply the employees anymore. I was one of the folks let go (frankly a relief at that point because the job had been very stressful). We were let go pretty unceremoniously- most of the doctors didn't even say goodbye, let alone thanks for all we had done. I was asked by the hospital administration to stay on for an additional 6 weeks to train folks in the hospital for the job(s) we did, and that I considered a slap in the face, so I refused to do so. Fortunately it didn't
affect my separation pay, although I was so piZZed at that I might have refused even if it had.
But.... at 5 o'clock on my last day there, as I walked out, I imagined myself taking off a heavy coat and dropping it in the parking lot, as I separated myself from that job, and moved on. I got a better job, and started working in that job three months later, and I enjoyed the three month break from having to work.
What the absolute kicker was, that they called me to ask me if I would come back and work for them- about 1.5 years after, and again about 10 years after I was let go. I don't guess they were too surprised at my reaction as I declined, both times, laughing while I did it, (and asking the person who called if she thought I was crazy enough to do that). But I must admit it gave me some satisfaction to be able to treat their wanting to rehire me like the joke it was.
So you will move on, you'll do even better than you would have in that old job, and it'll be a part of your past history, over the dam and no more.
I am comforted in the fact, they do not have my skills, nor have they found any one to replace me, in the past 11 years.
And they still keep wanting me back , and I have no need for them, being retired, and I would go to other previous employers first , if I did need to go back to work.
Try to see the bigger picture & dont take it personally. Sometimes skills & departments become unnecessary & expensive for the company so they are slashed. It is very common in big corporations. You have to cut corners. If you or your spouse loses a job, the first things you will cut are things you consider luxuries, like your cable tv or kid's cellphone. It must be devastating for your kid who might be too attached to their cellphone & they might think you hate him but you did not have a choice. No matter how hard you work to build your skills & your team, the company has to make some sacrifices to save themselves from time to time. Its nothing personal. Many skills & technologies become obsolete fast. When was the last time you bought a watch, calculator, camera, pen, paper? These are becoming very rare because of just one device - cellphones. If you worked in a company that was manufacturing one of these products, do you think you would still have a job? You worked hard & got another job. Thats the only thing that matters now. Dont go into too many details. Be grateful for every job you worked as your previous employers took a chance on you & through the years you were able to learn, grow & support your family by working there. You lost a job but you gained so much over the years. Be thankful for that.
I can understand and relate to feeling anger over being laid off for what can be some pretty paltry reasons, some that are completely unprofessional, even. My last corporate job was like that. But, my new job pays me double what I used to make (and more than what my previous boss currently makes) so in the end I don't care about it much anymore. I heard from other friends that still worked there that things went to hell after I was gone, they even had to fly in specialists from other states for a few months to do my job because no one at the site could do my job. So, it cost them quite a bit financially and in experience to get rid of me, and that in turn translates into poor job performance for my department for my previous supervisor.
If your life is better off now, you're making more money and enjoy your new job better, I'd say you came out on top. Still feeling a bit indignant about how you were terminated is fine, you're human. Just take the time to realize that overall, you are in a better position now in life, and in the end that's all that matters.
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Last fall I went through a job loss that was really hideous. Without going into a novel, it completely blindsided me and the other people affected, parts of my job were given to a person cheaper and less qualified, much of the department I'd created from scratch over years was thrown away. In my case, the job loss was not part of a wider layoff. As I later found out, my new VP "hated" my area and thought what we did was "useless" so he took the first opportunity to give us the ax. ( I never even met the guy). There's more, but again, no novel.
I had tremendous support from my friends and professional community, and thankfully, a few months ago I found new employment. It's a great job-- better pay, more responsibility, expanded duties. I'm really liking it so far. I really thought I could really put the old, crappy job behind me-- concentrate on great new job, get to learn a new city, etc. Give a big ol ********* to previous job by finding something better.
Today a friend shared some news/updates about previous job that just made my blood boil. It's along the same lines as above. I was honestly surprised how much venom I still felt about this past job. Clearly, I have not remotely "moved on" if I'm feeling this much anger.
How have other people "moved on" from previously awful experiences? Not that *any* job loss is usually good, but some are worse than others. People say "just let it go" but it's not that easy. I think a lot of my lingering resentment is that it was so personal. I didn't lose my job because of budget cuts, or an organizational shift, or because I was a bad worker. It was because someone higher up thought my skills were "useless." That's really painful, even if my new job thinks they are awesome.
I don't think you can let it go, until you let it out. Maybe write a long letter to the guy who did the crap to your department, let it all out until you are exhausted and then ...burn it.
Or create some art to let out your feelings....
Just don't let it take up valuable head space. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself that way.
I was very angry when my mother in law died from Alzheimers -- it's a dreadful disease.
I planned out an art quilt -- and the planning of it really helped and I never had to make it, because I think looking at would have broken my heart all over....
It was triangular shaped and the small end represented her birth. A nice clean cut of fabric. Each piece added going out was another year all nicely pieced in bright happy colors until about piece 70, when the pieces would get a little frayed and then turn darker and raggedy, with strands and strings and showing the batting.... just a mess. Just like alz...
It really helped me cope and deal to plan this out and understand the meanings ... and if I could have found a home for it outside of the house I might have made it... but I couldn't have it here.
Last edited by Tallysmom; 09-10-2014 at 04:36 PM..
Last fall I went through a job loss that was really hideous. Without going into a novel, it completely blindsided me and the other people affected, parts of my job were given to a person cheaper and less qualified, much of the department I'd created from scratch over years was thrown away. In my case, the job loss was not part of a wider layoff. As I later found out, my new VP "hated" my area and thought what we did was "useless" so he took the first opportunity to give us the ax. ( I never even met the guy). There's more, but again, no novel.
I had tremendous support from my friends and professional community, and thankfully, a few months ago I found new employment. It's a great job-- better pay, more responsibility, expanded duties. I'm really liking it so far. I really thought I could really put the old, crappy job behind me-- concentrate on great new job, get to learn a new city, etc. Give a big ol ********* to previous job by finding something better.
Today a friend shared some news/updates about previous job that just made my blood boil. It's along the same lines as above. I was honestly surprised how much venom I still felt about this past job. Clearly, I have not remotely "moved on" if I'm feeling this much anger.
How have other people "moved on" from previously awful experiences? Not that *any* job loss is usually good, but some are worse than others. People say "just let it go" but it's not that easy. I think a lot of my lingering resentment is that it was so personal. I didn't lose my job because of budget cuts, or an organizational shift, or because I was a bad worker. It was because someone higher up thought my skills were "useless." That's really painful, even if my new job thinks they are awesome.
It's years later, and yet I still get angry with a couple of former employers. They suddenly come to mind -- for whatever reasons, I don't know -- and I find myself angry all over again. BUT -- being angry with another person is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. I won't do that to myself. I do it let go. I know that in time I will forget them completely -- or at least almost.
It's years later, and yet I still get angry with a couple of former employers. They suddenly come to mind -- for whatever reasons, I don't know -- and I find myself angry all over again. BUT -- being angry with another person is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. I won't do that to myself. I do it let go. I know that in time I will forget them completely -- or at least almost.
I do too. My last employer before the job I have now. Talk about unappreciated! AND they cost ME over $700 and a black mark on my credit report. I don't think about it much, except when I see my ex boss where I work now. I walked out on that job when she wanted to write me up for stepping out the back door for five minutes. Said I didn't work enough hours to get a break. I figure 5 hours is worth a 5 min. break! But that was just the final straw. I came out the winner by quitting....except for the money they cost me.
Last fall I went through a job loss that was really hideous. Without going into a novel, it completely blindsided me and the other people affected, parts of my job were given to a person cheaper and less qualified, much of the department I'd created from scratch over years was thrown away. In my case, the job loss was not part of a wider layoff. As I later found out, my new VP "hated" my area and thought what we did was "useless" so he took the first opportunity to give us the ax. ( I never even met the guy). There's more, but again, no novel.
I had tremendous support from my friends and professional community, and thankfully, a few months ago I found new employment. It's a great job-- better pay, more responsibility, expanded duties. I'm really liking it so far. I really thought I could really put the old, crappy job behind me-- concentrate on great new job, get to learn a new city, etc. Give a big ol ********* to previous job by finding something better.
Today a friend shared some news/updates about previous job that just made my blood boil. It's along the same lines as above. I was honestly surprised how much venom I still felt about this past job. Clearly, I have not remotely "moved on" if I'm feeling this much anger.
How have other people "moved on" from previously awful experiences? Not that *any* job loss is usually good, but some are worse than others. People say "just let it go" but it's not that easy. I think a lot of my lingering resentment is that it was so personal. I didn't lose my job because of budget cuts, or an organizational shift, or because I was a bad worker. It was because someone higher up thought my skills were "useless." That's really painful, even if my new job thinks they are awesome.
I would think by now you would be tired of the old crappy job still controlling your life.
Time to mature, move on, and quit dwelling on "what if" or you can continue to allow the old crappy job to control your current life and continue to be angry, bitter and get an ulcer or high blood pressure.
Your choice to move on or not.
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