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I never said that I was and youre proving my point. The point is that men are afraid to send subtle cues at work, cues that let a female know that he would like to date. You admit that people meet at work and date, how do women know a guy is interested if he isn't sending cues.
If people are meeting at work, then obviously SOMEONE is sending signals. Who is afraid?
I never said that I was and youre proving my point. The point is that men are afraid to send subtle cues at work, cues that let a female know that he would like to date. You admit that people meet at work and date, how do women know a guy is interested if he isn't sending cues. My point is these days it is in the girls court to suggest that she likes a guy. You are proving the kind of attitude that makes guys afraid to approach girls. If a guy really likes a girl that he knows from work, THIS is the kind of attitude he is facing/afraid of.
Or you know, be smart about it, and don't send your cues at work... if you like her, ask to meet outside of company time, then send your cues... why should you be paid to send cues at work? do it on your own time
Ok so this thread may be targeted more towards the younger crowd like myself, however this "problem" has been created by the older crowd.
Yesterday a female coworker was talking to me at lunch and mentioned that we work such long hours that the only way she can find a boyfriend is here at work. (Outside of our department of course which is ok with the company.) However her rant was that the single guys here never approach her or even flirt with her. I bit my tongue out of the same fear that these single guys have....theyre afraid of being fired! Or sued! Men have to be so tamed these days in the workplace that we aren't allowed to do what nature has programed the male role to do, flirt! If you women really want to meet men and date them, the sad truth is for now on the ball is literally in your court. You have to take over the flirting role, because men are too scared for their jobs to do it.
This is all of course under the guise that you are in a large company that allows relationships with other employees. Many do, as long as you aren't in the same department.
Thoughts?
Many women, myself included, don't want a relationship from someone at work at all. We are afraid of being fired for sexual harassment the same way you are.
Maybe she was giving you a hint that she digs you?
Either way, I don't see where older people caused this. Maybe you mean smarter people.
this situation can go to an extreme. I have a couple of friends in Washington who both work for a major company and are married, but are in the same department, and they have kept their marriage a secret. Not this this situation is typical, but still.. when you have men and women in a workplace, fraternization is going to happen
Ok so this thread may be targeted more towards the younger crowd like myself, however this "problem" has been created by the older crowd.
Yesterday a female coworker was talking to me at lunch and mentioned that we work such long hours that the only way she can find a boyfriend is here at work. (Outside of our department of course which is ok with the company.) However her rant was that the single guys here never approach her or even flirt with her. I bit my tongue out of the same fear that these single guys have....theyre afraid of being fired! Or sued! Men have to be so tamed these days in the workplace that we aren't allowed to do what nature has programed the male role to do, flirt! If you women really want to meet men and date them, the sad truth is for now on the ball is literally in your court. You have to take over the flirting role, because men are too scared for their jobs to do it.
This is all of course under the guise that you are in a large company that allows relationships with other employees. Many do, as long as you aren't in the same department.
Thoughts?
Women who you would hit on at work have tons of other options.
They don't have to resort to relying on guys at work. I worked with a woman who had maybe 10 guys from work interested in her, and she wasn't interested in any of them.
And if they like a guy at work, then they'll go after him, sometimes if he has a girlfriend or is married.
You could ask out your co-worker if you want, but as you said, at best it's awkward when you get rejected, at worst, you could lose your job. Just look elsewhere.
Ok so this thread may be targeted more towards the younger crowd like myself, however this "problem" has been created by the older crowd.
Yesterday a female coworker was talking to me at lunch and mentioned that we work such long hours that the only way she can find a boyfriend is here at work. (Outside of our department of course which is ok with the company.) However her rant was that the single guys here never approach her or even flirt with her. I bit my tongue out of the same fear that these single guys have....theyre afraid of being fired! Or sued! Men have to be so tamed these days in the workplace that we aren't allowed to do what nature has programed the male role to do, flirt! If you women really want to meet men and date them, the sad truth is for now on the ball is literally in your court. You have to take over the flirting role, because men are too scared for their jobs to do it.
This is all of course under the guise that you are in a large company that allows relationships with other employees. Many do, as long as you aren't in the same department.
Thoughts?
Unfair stereotype that is not true.
"Men have to be tamed," they have some kind of roll to live up to, and the worst of them all - this "programmed" thing. Please.
Think for yourself, dude. Control yourself, you're at work! Obviously one has to be careful if you are interested in dating someone you feel attracted to. It was already brought up to take it off the clock, if one feels the urge something could click. Nothing wrong with some friendly, not so obvious talk leading up to that. As an adult you should be able to sense the signals and know what you can get away with.
Any doubts then just back off and go about your business. Thinking about getting sued for that is beyond silly. I've worked in different high-rise office buildings for the last 23 years and I never saw so much as one problem. Believe me, with this line of work I would have heard about it too!
I work at a major university and often work upwards of 60 hours a week. I still have time to date and have an active love life - even when I was actively going through chemo while working full time and now when I pull those hours and also do grad school part time. And that's not counting my hour long commute or chronic fatigue from cancer! To each their own, but there is plenty of time in the week to meet people online, volunteering, in classes, etc even when working long hours.
Don't poop where you eat. In my experience, it's the people you least want to see who have a habit of appearing everywhere. There are more than a 5,000 staff, grad students, and professors who I could date (there are no rules against it) but even though I have nothing to do with say, the physics post-doc program, I still see people from the program all the time.
P.S. I'm 26. Not of the "older generation" at all.
Great post and I agree. So sorry to hear you battled cancer - and at such young age - and hope you are now, and remain, cancer free.
OP, I'm with some of the others and wonder why you had to make this an age issue. That doesn't make sense and seems to be pot stirring.
I slept with a girl I worked with when I was 18... She wanted to date me really bad, but I didn't want to date her because I later found out she already had another boyfriend..
Well this made her MAD.. So, I was working in an area with her one day, and I get a call from a coworker saying "Hey, I just heard (girl I slept with's name) talking to another girl in the break room, and they were talking about some plan how she could try and get you to do stuff with her at work and then get you fired for sexual harassment"
I immediately left work, went outside, and called the HR person. I explained the whole situation and the woman who called me to warn me verified it.
That was one of the most upsetting moments of my life. I was nearly in tears that someone would try and do that to someone else. Sexual Harassment is a HUGE deal and can haunt you for many many years. The fact that a woman would try and do that simply because she was mad you wouldn't date her is pathetic.
Needless to say, ever since that I was very very weary about any workplace romance and a woman would have to do basically 100% of the work to get me to see her outside the workplace.
One thing about working with all men, is they would never pull that crap. Even working with women, yet I know I'm not the first guy that's happened to, some women will pull that card to screw someone over in and outside the work place..
How exactly are the "older crowd" responsible for this? Work is for working not hooking up. Most professional women don't want to mix work with romance. Most of the modern day laws protecting women against sexual harassment are a good thing, don't you think?
The laws don't protect women and they are are a very bad thing. And you are totally wrong that most professional women don't want to mix work with romance.
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