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Wow, a therapist sounds like a good idea here. I believe you are setting yourself up for a major let down somewhere down the road. You said the only thing matters is whether your boss likes you. Really op, is this the absolutely only thing that matters to you. I'm not buying that, because if that's the case then indeed you need to seek some help. Young people should not put their lives and do nothing but work, tomorrow isn't promised and there is no guarantee any of use will live to retirement age. Life is what you make and sounds like you are not trying too hard to make it enjoyable. You need to loosen up big time and enjoy your life in your youth or it will be gone in a flash. Living just to please your boss is not a good thing, seek professional help.
I'm existing in a world where people hate my generation (millenials) and assume we have nothing to offer. I feel I must put my life on hold if I am to have any hopes of a career.
I wouldn't want my employer to think I'm frivolous. I am not a frivolous person.
I'm existing in a world where people hate my generation (millenials) and assume we have nothing to offer. I feel I must put my life on hold if I am to have any hopes of a career.
I wouldn't want my employer to think I'm frivolous. I am not a frivolous person.
nobody hates your generation and many young people of your generation are doing very well for themselves and living productive happy lives. I have some good example of that on my job and sounds like some of your coworkers are doing just fine as well. Its not all doom and gloom man, you have to change that mindset and choose to turn things around in your life and make a conscious effort to live a happier life. Nobody can do that for you but you.
I'm existing in a world where people hate my generation (millenials) and assume we have nothing to offer. I feel I must put my life on hold if I am to have any hopes of a career.
I wouldn't want my employer to think I'm frivolous. I am not a frivolous person.
LOL! Many live and also rock their employer's worlds. My godson has, at 24, worked for 2 of the nation's largest CPG corporate hqs. Great starting base pay, bonus structure, relo package..and he also avidly enjoys his life outside of work, too. Many of his colleagues are also like he is, mid 20s to early 30s. This employer has far more applicants per open position (many times more) than the average employer. They can always be very, very, very selective, and they want people who are well-rounded..which means a life outside of work is a prereq.
Personally, I think it's all about balance. And this isn't even including your life away from work.
I like it when my boss is happy with my work, because then I know I'm doing a good job and they're happy with what I'm accomplishing, etc. HOWEVER, unless you plan on staying at your specific job for the rest of your life, I'd make sure you're friendly to everyone. Why? Because that co-worker you aren't personable with, could one day become your boss (happened to me a handful of times since I started working). At work, don't burn ANY bridges. You never ever know who you could end up working for, directly or indirectly, over the years. So, yes, although right NOW, what your boss says about your performance is important, but if he moves on...who replaces him could have a huge impact on your life.
I am in no way saying you have to be everyone's friend, but you should be likeable to most.
As for your family and friends, IMHO, I agree. What they think really has no bearing on work life. They aren't there, they don't know, they aren't living your life and they may not share your career path or how to approach it. I would listen, but your life, is your life.
In work life.....you never know who could make or break your career....tomorrow. And that is why you don't treat people badly, just because they can't get you somewhere.....or so you think.
I, rather ill-advisedly, got into a discussion with my coworkers the other day regarding this issue. I was blunt with them - I do not care for what my family thinks of me, nor do I care what my friends think. They are meaningless to me because they will not help me advance in life. I am nice to them because I feel I have an obligation to keep up appearances and in order to make things like holiday dinners less awkward, but I feel absolutely no connection to them.
Instead, what drives me is approval from my boss. I regularly get good reviews, and have been promoted (I work at a university) based on my prior performance. In short, things are good at work. That's the only fulfillment I have in life, and a co-worker called me out on this. She overstepped her bounds, imo, but I decided to stand up for myself.
She said that I seemed very unhappy most of the time, which is probably true, but I'm successful at my job, whereas most people in our office regard her as completely worthless. I wouldn't be able to live with myself - literally - if people thought of me in such a way. Now, this entails working 9-10 hour days five times a week, but I'm well regarded by my colleagues and superiors. They constantly rib me for never going out with them, and for being so mysterious about my private life (I have no life outside of work; I do not date or socialize, as I feel these activities are counter-productive to my goals. A few nights a week I will go to the gym, but mostly I sit at home reflecting on whether I am performing poorly at work and how I might improve as an employee). People keep telling me to lighten up - I'm told I always frown and look severe and univiting - but why should I lighten up? If other people can't help me advance in life, why seek their approval/friendship?
As I see it, the only thing that matters is whether my boss likes me. I live with constant fear, but that is good motivation as I see it. Coworkers have told they think this worldview is terribly unhealthy, but I couldn't disagree with them more. We're all in our twenties, and they often say that I'll regret not 'living more' and that I should 'put myself out there'. I think this is terrible advice, especially in this current job market. How many employers will be impressed that you took a long weekend to go rafting? How many employers will hire you because you spent $100+ to attend a music festival and took off a couple days of work to do so? If I was hiring, these types would be rejected immediately. I'm not wrong, am I? I think young professionals should put their lives and hobbies on hold if they ever hope to retire by age 70 (and 70 looks like a dream, given where things are going; 77 is more accurate).
I'd appreciate it if others weighed in.
First off, I'm not convinced a word of what you wrote is even true. In fact, I'm guessing most of this is simply intended to get a few laughs or see if anyone would actually agree with what you wrote.
The game of LIFE does not revolve around what your boss thinks of you. If you think that you will be viewed favorably for career advancement because you don't take part in normal social activities because of your preoccupation with your job, guess again. People promote people they like, they promote people they think they can be friends with and enjoy being in the company of. That's part of the human condition. Qualifications often can take a back seat to likability, popularity, and how interesting your superiors judge you to be. That's why worthless people often get promoted over their more qualified peers.
If you were being serious with your post, know this: You got it exactly backwards. You don't live to work, you work to live. You need to flip the script.
I don't care as long as I'm getting paid (and my boss doesn't want to kill me.)
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