Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't understand what is going on with the culture today. Why do men have to use every opportunity to try to "pick up" girls even when they are trying to do their jobs? Guys have no respect for other guy's girlfriend or wife. They see any un-escorted female as a target of opportunity. My wife tells me the stories of guys approaching her on a daily basis. When we go out together, I go to the restroom and by the time I get back she has already been approached by some guy.
YES.
The OP was at work. Sorry, old guy was out of line.
The customer was completely out of line, I agree. And, I think that you handled the situation appropriately; however, if the situation arises in future, you could more politely say the same, with a redirect to work-related matters. For example, if you were to say "I'm sorry, but that's personal." in a friendly, yet firm, tone, you have immediately put him on notice that it is none of his business. Then, deliver with a smile (through gritted teeth if need be), "Now, is there anything else that I can help you with today?" You will have controlled the situation and redirected back to work, while being pleasant, and making it clear that you do not intend to answer his question.
Even if the next step is to tell him the total of his order, or whatnot, redirect to business matters as it reinforces that you are there to perform a task assigned by your company, and that is the sole purpose of your interaction with him. That's not rude, but a fact that respects the boundary of the workplace. If the customer's response is "No," then you can just follow up with a smile and say something akin to your usual introduction of the bill, something like, "That will be $X." and be sure to follow up with your company's usual concluding of the transaction.
I agree that I would not add language that it is inappropriate to discuss "at work" because qualifying the statement weakens your position, and implies that you would open up to him, but for company policy, or someone overhearing, etc. Your message needs to convey that the topic is not going to be discussed with him. Delivery is key because you do not want to come across as condescending or rude, yet you want to be firm in your tone so that it's a non-negotiable statement. That's why if you say it firmly, yet politely, and then redirect in a friendly and sociable manner to company business, you have saved face in the interaction and there will be no awkwardness.
Practice with a friend, and rehearse a scenario like that, perfecting your delivery and redirection to a topic appropriate for the interaction with the customer. It may seem silly, but once you have delivered the line 50-100 times, you will know exactly how to act, and how to deliver the statement to assert your position, while avoiding a situation that could potentially cause you grief, especially with a manager who seems unconcerned with the objectification of the staff.
__________________
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
Regardless of what others here are saying, you encountered a harasser. The question may seem innocent enough - "Do you have a boyfriend?" - but, as another poster has said, the circumstances show that this man was exploiting your "captive" position and the imbalance of power between you to his own benefit. He may not have been flirting with you, really...he may have simply been trying to make you uncomfortable, by the most effective means he could think of, for his own enjoyment.
It is very important, in this sort of situation, to clearly demonstrate to the harasser that you will not be intimidated - that you will not be his willing target. Anything else you do(including remaining silent) shows him he is winning, and practically gives him permission to escalate the harassment "next time".
I think your response was perfect.
Given the way your boss handled things, it may be time to start looking for another job. There is no amount of money you could earn that would make it okay for the person who manages you to so blatantly disregard the basic rights you're entitled to as a human being.
Given the way your boss handled things, it may be time to start looking for another job. There is no amount of money you could earn that would make it okay for the person who manages you to so blatantly disregard the basic rights you're entitled to as a human being.
A good boss should have told her "Next time, he comes in , page me to come up front, pretending you need help with something".
If you want good employees, you must insure they need not put up with abuse.
I really hate how women are continually advised to reply "I have a boyfriend" if they're not interested in a guy. What bothers me about this approach is that it implies if she didn't have a boyfriend, she would be interested.
There's also an implied element of "I am the property of another man already" that's kinda squicky.
OP, assuming your tone wasn't rude, no, I don't think you were out of line. It's inappropriate for customers to cold approach employees, IMO. The employee is placed in a very awkward situation where they cannot escape. And if they have a job that is dependent on tips or customer satisfaction surveys, they're placed in an even more uncomfortable situation.
Even saying "I have a boyfriend" doesn't work, you eventually get the jerk who says "well bf doesn't mean anything" or some other smart remark!
My sister is the funniest, if a guy starts to harass her she yells "NOT INTERESTED" and walks away. My sister is gorgeous, dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin, the whole 9, and she can't go out without being approached. I feel sorry for the guys but don't blame her for being mean to them now lol.
It's not a crime but there is a time and place for everything. This was the workplace, not a bar or a nightclub. I have no interest in having men trying to exploit me for sex when I am trying to earn an honest living.
You made a fuss over something that could have been very easily handled with a simple yes.
Is it that tough to answer a simple question with a simple answer?
Also what "exploitation" happened? He asked if you have a boyfriend,
he did not ask you if you were a $20.00 hooker who could take care of his sexual needs/desires on your break.
You made a fuss over something that could have been very easily handled with a simple yes.
Is it that tough to answer a simple question with a simple answer?
Also what "exploitation" happened? He asked if you have a boyfriend,
he did not ask you if you were a $20.00 hooker who could take care of his sexual needs/desires on your break.
Of course are we forgetting he was TWICE her age?
If anyone here has a teenage daughter or niece, have one of your OWN friends ask her out, at a retail job.
You don't have to be polite about it, but the employer does not have to keep you on the payroll if he/she is paying you to be polite either. The employer isn't paying her to put customers in check.
There are a lot better ways to handle this question without being obnoxious(and apparently the manager thinks she was). Including ignoring the question completely, saying I'm here to work not socialize etc etc.
The OP wasn't rude. It was none of his business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by changeisdue
Which would be interpreted to mean "wait for me outside until I get off work".
OP, you handled it just fine. The dude was a nut job. No one besides elementary students and serial killers in training express interest in someone by asking "do you have a boyfriend". Were you rude, yes, but you needed to be in that situation. Anything less would have been interpreted as interest, and he would not have just went away.
Exactly! You nip it in the bud. This guy very easily could have waited outside if he took that as a signal that I can't talk now but will later.
She handled it correctly.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
