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When I was working the cash register, a male customer asked me if I had a boyfriend.
I told him that that was none of his business.
Later my boss told me that I was being rude.
What do you think?
Personally I think the customer was the one who was being inappropriate. I was trying to do my job, not pick up guys. Who thinks it's a good idea to hit on service people?
You are technically correct. Practically, why not answer with a more kind comment, unless the guy asking was doing so in a gross tone/ with gross body language?
I still don't think I was rude. The customer was not entitled to personal information about a total stranger.
Even if he was a "10", I still would not have been receptive to his approach. When I am in "work mode", my "dating mode" is turned off. When I go to work, I focus on my work, not shop for a new boyfriend or husband.
Regardless of what others here are saying, you encountered a harasser. The question may seem innocent enough - "Do you have a boyfriend?" - but, as another poster has said, the circumstances show that this man was exploiting your "captive" position and the imbalance of power between you to his own benefit. He may not have been flirting with you, really...he may have simply been trying to make you uncomfortable, by the most effective means he could think of, for his own enjoyment.
It is very important, in this sort of situation, to clearly demonstrate to the harasser that you will not be intimidated - that you will not be his willing target. Anything else you do(including remaining silent) shows him he is winning, and practically gives him permission to escalate the harassment "next time".
I think your response was perfect.
Given the way your boss handled things, it may be time to start looking for another job. There is no amount of money you could earn that would make it okay for the person who manages you to so blatantly disregard the basic rights you're entitled to as a human being.
Any woman who takes this position is going to be looking for a lot of new jobs in her career. Businesses put the customer first ... always. Especially retail businesses. They are already underpaying their help and, in most cases, denying them benefits. To ignore their complaints is only another small step in how they are taken advantage of. For better or worse we have to deal in life as it is, not how we wish it would be. Except for physical danger, not many retail managers are going to step in to support a clerk against a customer, even if you (rightfully, I believe) define that customer as a harasser. That's life in today's business environment and a young woman has to be prepared to deal with it in a realistic manner.
Any woman who takes this position is going to be looking for a lot of new jobs in her career.
.
So what? As you later indicated, retail offers low wages and few if any benefits. That makes changing jobs essentially a free position, as one is not losing raises or benefits gained.
There is no dilemma for the guy here. It is inappropriate to pursue this kind of thing against (and I use that word with full intent) a total stranger at her job. Why does he want to "get to know her" except that she is eye-candy? He knows NOTHING about her. Nothing. The ONLY reason he would have for pursuing her is that he has already formed some kind of nascent sexual attraction.
This isn't a question of being friendly. It is purely a case of acting on an initial, inconsequential, meaningless, and likely passing sexual attraction to a total stranger. It is STILL stalkerish.
Good god, is this a joke? How exactly do you suggest guys meet women, then? If this is the case, then a lot of healthy relationships only started out because the guy ONLY approached her cause she was cute. My Father first approached my Mother cause he found her attractive, I guess he was a stalkerish type person, and only cared about my Mom cause she was eye-candy. A very huge misconception on your part.
The first thing guys do before they approach a woman they're interested in, is to see if they're first attracted to her (vice versa for a woman approaching a guy, or being interested in him). I'm surprised this isn't common sense to you already. Even if I'm sometimes not a fan of it, it's basic biology.
No offense, but women like you and the OP are reasons why guys have become so timid of approaching women nowadays. Although in this case, if what the OP said is true and that the guy who was interested in her could be mistaken for her Father, then I SORT of do agree with her lashing out at him the way she did.
geez..since when do people delegate how you SHOULD react when being propositioned at work..Whether she sounded rude or not-it is unwanted attention, and anyone with an ounce of social etiquette and respect for people who have to work for a living-as if customer service isn't bad enough...should be a little smarter when it comes to addressing the "HELP"..I really wonder how some people are so ignorant and can't see how this type of behavior might make someone uncomfortable. the people chiding you on these forums -Such a typical reaction to a woman "complaining" about unwanted attention-OH BUT WHY AREN'T YOU HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE A CREEPER-i mean, ADMIRER ugh..i certainly hope he was,like,thirteen or something just socially inept..yep-that might explain it..Try not to let it bother you..if you are ever in a position like this again simply ignore the question. It might seem awkward,but hey-treat others as you'd like to be treated, if they're not a dip they'll get the message, and if you ever feel threatened let your manager know. Hopefully they will step up..don't care how underpaid you might be..
I have worked in customer service for the past 11 years and after realizing my day wouldn't be any better by letting rude or disrespectful people upset, I actually learned to ignore most of it and focus on work. It's the most valuable skill you'll ever learn.
Last edited by rangerpaige84; 03-12-2014 at 12:28 AM..
I still don't think I was rude. The customer was not entitled to personal information about a total stranger.
Even if he was a "10", I still would not have been receptive to his approach. When I am in "work mode", my "dating mode" is turned off. When I go to work, I focus on my work, not shop for a new boyfriend or husband.
Then just say "Yes, I do and your total is $9.45. Thank you." It probably just took you by surprise. You may not be shopping for one, but occasionally a customer will. I guess he liked you and figured he had to ask you there, because he does not see you anywhere else in town.
geez..since when do people delegate how you SHOULD react when being propositioned at work..Whether she sounded rude or not-it is unwanted attention, and anyone with an ounce of social etiquette and respect for people who have to work for a living-as if customer service isn't bad enough...should be a little smarter when it comes to addressing the "HELP"..I really wonder how some people are so ignorant and can't see how this type of behavior might make someone uncomfortable. the people chiding you on these forums -Such a typical reaction to a woman "complaining" about unwanted attention-OH BUT WHY AREN'T YOU HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE A CREEPER-i mean, ADMIRER ugh..i certainly hope he was,like,thirteen or something just socially inept..yep-that might explain it..Try not to let it bother you..if you are ever in a position like this again simply ignore the question. It might seem awkward,but hey-treat others as you'd like to be treated, if they're not a dip they'll get the message, and if you ever feel threatened let your manager know. Hopefully they will step up..don't care how underpaid you might be..
I have worked in customer service for the past 11 years and after realizing my day wouldn't be any better by letting rude or disrespectful people upset, I actually learned to ignore most of it and focus on work. It's the most valuable skill you'll ever learn.
Before internet dating, it was actually quite common for guys to ask women out this way in the 70's, 80's and even early 90's. Of course, they should do it respectfully and take "No' for an answer. If this is the only place you ever saw the person and were interested in them, what choice would you have but to ask them there?
Good god, is this a joke? How exactly do you suggest guys meet women, then?
Avoid those who are half your age.
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