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I'm a woman working with a male co-worker in a large office. He's not one to be a very friendly soul, comes off as grumpy at times.
Anyway, the other day, just out of the blue, we were in the break room at the same time. He was looking at me but not saying anything, so I said hi.
He responded with "You know there are two kinds of women in this would, beautiful women and smart women. You are going to have to be smart"
I'm very pissed off by this comment, is it something I should skwak about or just keep quiet? What would you do if a co-worker said this to you out of the blue??
I suppose it hurt my feelings more than doing any real harm, but now I feel strange working on projects with him.
First, ask yourself what would happen? Who would you report to? Would they do anything about it? What would happen to him? I know if I were to ever say anything to any of the males who are in supervisory positions at my company, they'd tell me to get over it and then probably tell stories about me complaining. It's an awful world sometimes and the people who are supposed to help you really do not help at all.
If you want him to get talked to, I'd think he'd be more retaliatory. I'd worry about that. Also, you don't want bad press to come back on you. It's really a terrible system, but you have to weigh all of that. Or will the guy lose his job? Is that what you want? I guess the question is, what do you want?
Me? I'd probably get back at him in small ways. I might tell my immediate boss just to keep him aware of what was said. I might then say you are now aware but it's not necessary at this time to react. Let's just keep watch. But let's also remember that I will not be working with this guy as he creates a hostile environment for me. Hopefully, your boss can accomodate that.
I would be hurt, too. Some men (and women but that's not the example) are just horrible to women they don't deem worthy of "doing". It disgusts me...I guess the question is, what do you want to happen? I'm sorry this happened...what an awful thing to say to someone.
I do agree you should tell your boss...but only you know your boss and how they'll react. As bad as his comment was, I'd still worry about repercussions to you. It may be wrong in every way, but reality is reality and some places think that sort of thing is funny. But I wholeheartedly agree you should work where you are valued...this is why I'm currently looking elsewhere. It's not exactly bad like that where I work, but any warranted complaints about brash and disrespectful behavior has gotten me absolutely nowhere.
Just ignore it. Next time you see him and he's looking the same way, brightly say, "Ah, Good Morning, cheerful Charlie - what words of joy do you have for today?"
I'm a woman working with a male co-worker in a large office. He's not one to be a very friendly soul, comes off as grumpy at times.
Anyway, the other day, just out of the blue, we were in the break room at the same time. He was looking at me but not saying anything, so I said hi.
He responded with "You know there are two kinds of women in this would, beautiful women and smart women. You are going to have to be smart"
I'm very pissed off by this comment, is it something I should skwak about or just keep quiet? What would you do if a co-worker said this to you out of the blue??
I suppose it hurt my feelings more than doing any real harm, but now I feel strange working on projects with him.
What if he had said you are going to have to be beautiful? Would it then have been OK?
I don't think it's inappropriate per se, but rude and inconsiderate. Like if somebody on the street said that, what could you do except ... nothing. Then again, I'm used to hearing a lot of rude comments, often commenting on my looks (in a negative way) sometimes subconsciously by the sqwaker.
I think it's kind of more of a 'rude person' thing than a company thing. And what can you do? There's tons of shallow people and a@@es in this world. Nothing is going to happen to guy if you squeal unless he's got a mark on his back already.
Just chalk it up to him being an a@@, avoid him, and try not to insult other people yourself.
That was obnoxious and unprofessional. You don't go arround calling other employees ugly especially not women. I can't even imagine acting like that.
That said only you can make that judgement based on the overall work environment, how receptive management is to such issues etc. Do you work in a professional environment or a place where bumpkins feel free to act like savages?
I'd have said "I'm beautiful AND smart, but you'll always be a jerk" and walked off.
And if he's single or divorced I would NOT be surprised.
It's up to you, do you think your boss would be responsive or would he just say "boys will be boys?" If it's the latter, don't even bother. If he would be receptive I'd just say you found that comment unnecessary and think that matter should be brought to his attention because the next person might consider that harassment. There's no reason to negatively comment on a coworker's looks! Specially when it has no impact on your job.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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You should deal with this on your own. You should have told him not to speak to you that way. You have an obligation to tell him his behavior is inappropriate before involving your boss or anyone else. Also, you should document the behavior and that fact that you told him to knock it off in your personal journal. If this behavior is a pattern, then you should contact your boss and/or human resources.
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