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So sorry your in this position OP but honestly you need to say so long to this relationship.
It sounds like he's using you for a free ride and as soon as your savings is gone and you can no longer support him I'll bet he'll be gone.
No one knows this man like you do but from what I've read he sounds like a lazy man with no ambition but to sit around and soak up your savings.
Do yourself a favor and get rid of him.
Really.You deserve better.
Good Luck.
i'm sorry i can relate to the guy. i went thru the state of depression he seems to be experiencing. i worked as a land surveyor for 20+ yrs only to see my office dwindle from 25 employees to the day we closed the doors, meaning (my boss and me were the last to go). i have personally filled out 342 and counting, applications over the last year and a half.
if it wasn't for my wife, we would have nothing. we went from being comfortable to just surviving. she works a full time job, and i have resorted to doing about anything i'm asked(mowing yards,cleaning gutters and my favorite mucking out stables), unfortunely even the odd jobs are slowing down for the winter. i'm bored silly, there isn't a speck of dust in my house , in my garage or my mother in laws house. my wife goes to work ,comes home, and then watches t.v., all the house work is done, the meals are planned and cooked for her, clothes washed and dried or ironed.
am i whipped? i don't think so, i'm just trying to let her see i do care and appreciate all she does. but i got to admit this domesication of a half lumber jack, half outdoorsman has left me feeling belittled and ashamed. i hate i can't afford to treat her to great resturants or nights on the town,but i try. it is hard to believe that a job i used to pick about just being above minium wage is what we are currently surviving on. is his self worth gone? probably ....does he know what to do next? probably not ... should you kick him out? i wouldn't...... what should you do? love him, an encourage him to do something better than what he was doing..( mine told me to snapp out of this funk i was in and learn something new that will make enough money that she wouldn't have to work i owed it to her) we both remembered a vow we took some 15 yrs ago that included the phrase " for richer or for poorer". we have lived the poorer part now its my job to get us to the richer part.
i read in your post about the disagreements you have had over this. as someone who has had his share of nagging, it does work to a small extent , my wife is a first class nagger but even she knows that when you have done something wrong to keep harping on it only makes the other one get defensive.
as far as a plan b , who has one? do you think we could foresee your careers drying up, i sure wish i could better yet can you tell us which career will be immune to this recession, mcdonald's employees are the guys that used to work for me, the stockers at the grocery store have college degrees and worse than that the customer service people are from another country. so yes life has became very uninterested for some of us. temp work doesn't fill that gap either, i loved my job and flipping burgers isn't going to get me back into the woods looking for property lines, i might be a differnt type of person but i looked forward to doing my job, i honestly miss it. my wife and son found a cure for this for me with an activity called geocaching, hunting for objects hidden every where in the united states mostly in state parks using gps(sorta like looking for property irons hidden the woods), it is free u get out of the house and for me it gives my some of the same thrill as my lost job did. there might be something like that for him too.
ok thanks for the moment to vent and maybe even help understand some of what he is going thru.
It's time for something to change. Being unemployed for 3 years isn't the economy, it's a habit. A habit you are enabling. He probably is depressed.
This is what I would do. First I would make an appointment with him to discuss his ongoing unemployment. Sit down and discuss it calmly and say what needs to be said. I'd have a list of things he would need to agree to. I'd have a copy for him as well.
1) He needs to seek treatment for his depression by X date.
2) If he is not employed by X date, he will do full time volunteer work. Outside the house, in the community.
3) He will apply for part time low wage jobs.
4) He will be able to show you every day that he has actively looked for work.
You need to help him too. Send him jobs to apply for and let him know you care. Sometimes loving someone means you have to be tough. All money issues aside, it's not helping him to sit around the house all day, every day.
It's time for something to change. Being unemployed for 3 years isn't the economy, it's a habit. A habit you are enabling. He probably is depressed.
This is what I would do. First I would make an appointment with him to discuss his ongoing unemployment. Sit down and discuss it calmly and say what needs to be said. I'd have a list of things he would need to agree to. I'd have a copy for him as well.
1) He needs to seek treatment for his depression by X date.
2) If he is not employed by X date, he will do full time volunteer work. Outside the house, in the community.
3) He will apply for part time low wage jobs.
4) He will be able to show you every day that he has actively looked for work.
You need to help him too. Send him jobs to apply for and let him know you care. Sometimes loving someone means you have to be tough. All money issues aside, it's not helping him to sit around the house all day, every day.
Good luck!
That is what parole and probation officers do with their charges who are unemployed.
Does this lady really NEED a man she has to treat like a probationer/parollee?
After 3 years of him sitting around, I don't see much going on here.
It is high time for her to move on, and since this thread is a couple of months old, I hope she did.
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