Which areas best for making "mom friends" (San Francisco: co-op, buying a home)

[carlek]

It seems likely that my husband, two young children and I will be relocating to the Bay Area from Columbus, OH. I am currently a stay-at-home-mom and will likely continue to be for the next 2-3 years, at least most of the time (I do communications work, so freelancing is also an option). Our neighborhood here (Clintonville) is awesome for my present situation because while it is fairly crunchy and "educated," there are a lot of other stay-at-home or part-time-working moms of young kiddos to hang out with and get to know. A lot of that comes down to how incredibly affordable it is to live here.

Based on a couple of emails from some friends who moved to the Silicon Valley area last year (Menlo Park), it sounds like I might really struggle to find a community like that in the Bay Area. My friend who moved to Menlo Park and is only working part-time says that it's impossible to meet other moms because it's mostly nannies taking care of kids during the day, at the parks, etc. Granted, my husband would be working in the heart of San Francisco, so we would not be looking that far south. I'm just wondering if there are any communities in the area that might provide a friendly, neighborly atmosphere and where there are other parents who stay at home with their preschool age kids at least part time? I've gathered that Alameda, the Lamorinda region and Walnut Creek might be that way? What about the "hip" parts of Oakland--Piedmont, Glenmont, etc.? Should I even consider parts of Marin, like Mill Valley? We also will not be buying a home, but should be able to afford $4,000 - $4,500 per month in rent. Any insight would be appreciated. I hope this isn't too obnoxious of a question. Some of my best friends in the world are full-time working outside the home moms; but they don't make up my day-to-day community since they aren't around. I just don't want to be lonely and friendless, lol.

[California Vagabond]

I usually make it a rule not to suggest anything that the OP didn't ask about, but I'll make an exception here: a newcomer like you might make like-minded friends through a meetup group. I plugged 'mothers' into meetup.com, chose a radius within 50 miles of San Francisco, and quickly found (among other groups) these:

http://www.meetup.com/Adjusting-to-M...Support-Group/
Contra Costa County Mocha Moms (Hercules , CA) - Meetup
http://www.meetup.com/MothersMantra/

As for neighborhoods: In Marin, perhaps San Anselmo, or San Rafael, or farther north. An old friend from Marin complained on the phone that she didn't find Mill Valley to be 'family friendly,' but several City Data posters disagreed with that assessment when I shared her view here; they think Mill Valley is 'family friendly' as can be.

I'll leave it to others to suggest neighborhoods on the peninsula and in Contra Costa county. Welcome to the Bay Area!

[carlek]

Thanks so much! Yes, that should really be my next step. I'm part of the local MOMS Club here in my Clintonville neighborhood so I definitely need to see which areas have something like that. I have also been intrigued by Pacifica since it seems laid-back (I'm from San Antonio, TX originally which is a pretty laid-back place) and the commute to the city would be very short for my husband. My daughter will start Kindergarten either next fall or the one after (she'd on the cusp, an August baby), so I guess I need to consider schools too. Also not opposed to thinking about city neighborhoods, but I gather the schoo lottery process is horrible and in fact that is one of the same problems my neighborhood in Columbus has too.

[artemis78]

Alameda, Piedmont (which is actually a separate city), and the more affluent parts of Oakland (Glenview, Montclair, Rockridge) all have a decent number of stay-at-home parents, though you do have to seek them out. Piedmont in particular seems to have a very established stay-at-home-mom community. Two working parents is definitely the norm here, but I would say at least a third of the families we know (including ours) have a parent (not always a mom, though!) home full-time or part-time. You will definitely encounter a good number of nannies too. You might want to check out the Berkeley Parents Network site to get a better sense of East Bay communities. Wherever you wind up, if you look for moms' groups, that tends to be the best way to meet other stay-at-home parents--classes are great too, but on weekdays you will find many nannies and grandmas there so not necessarily the best way to meet other moms. Piedmont in particular has several parent co-op preschools (that range from a few hours to a few days a week) that would be a great means of meeting local parents. In the East Bay, I would look at Alameda (East Side), Piedmont, Rockridge, Crocker Highlands/Trestle Glen, and Montclair to start--all reasonable commutes with great elementary schools. Only Rockridge is near BART but the others all have Transbay buses that are a great options if your husband's office is close enough to the Transbay Terminal. Albany might also be an option--it's also near BART with strong schools--but not sure how many stay-at-home parents there are there. I don't know Marin or the Peninsula well enough to suggest places there, unfortunately.

[clongirl]

I think there's a potential to meet "mom friends" just about anywhere. But I totally understand that is some communities it's harder since you only end up meting the nanny.

I like to used this site as a great source of all kinds of information...Berkeley Parents Network:

I'm in Lamorinda and there are plenty of stay at home moms here and a huge community oriented kind of vibe.

[twins4lynn]

Join the Mom's groups for the city you settle in. Some are on meet-up, others have their own websites. Here are just a few on the peninsula from Burlingame south. There are lots of SAHM's, but you have to know how to connect with them.

Burlingame - Burlingame Mothers' Group

San Mateo & general area - San Mateo Mothers Club - Home

San Carlos and Belmont -http://www.scbmc.org/

Palo Alto & Menlo Park 0 http://pampclub.org/site/

[EdJS]

In Fremont, Union City, and Newark there is the F.U.N. Mother's Club:

F.U.N. Mothers' Club

[18Montclair]

How do you spell drama? MOMS CLUB.

lol just kidding

[bigdumbgod]

Originally Posted by carlek

I have also been intrigued by Pacifica since it seems laid-back (I'm from San Antonio, TX originally which is a pretty laid-back place) and the commute to the city would be very short for my husband.

Having recently visited an old friend in Pacifica who has two little ones and is quite happy with the situation, even with his commute to Oakland, this might be an optimal choice. Family/mom friendly, and the fog apparently isn't as bad as many make it out to be. Perpetual ocean views ain't bad, either.

[ccm123]

Pleasanton, and the Oakland Hills would be my recommendations.