Is it true that SF is the "best place for single, straight women"? (San Jose: home, live)

[gingerdancer]

Wondering if I get can feedback....I have always been under the impression that SF - while beautiful, intellectual, and thriving with arts culture (opera, symphonies, ballet, etc), and reasonably clean, (not sure about the safety) - had a challenging dating scene for single, straight women. This seemed to be a general consensus amongst men and women in Cali - basically that the city was loaded with pretty, educated, successful women, and so the straight men are less interested in committing, as they have "so many options."

Recently, however, in speaking to a man who moved out of the city, he informed me that SF is "the best place a straight single woman can be. If you want to NOT be single within 6 months, move to SF." That there is a 5:1 Male:Female ratio, and the city is oozing with single straight men outnumbering the women by far.. He said that gay men are actually a huge minority. He added that (and this sounds really hard to believe) men are so desperate for women that at a given night at a bar (not in the castro) that every one woman will have 2-3 guys trying to talk to her. ?????

Wondering if I could get feedback from the forum, especially from single women who live there, but men too. This info is counter to my impression, there are even articles and blogs online about how SF is tough for single straight women.

(As is hopefully obvious, I mean no disrespect to gay men by posing the question. Just wondering about the dating scene for the straight ladies. )

[Hemlock140]

It's the highest percentage of same-sex households in the US but yet the number is only half as many as opposite sex unmarried households. The male-female ratio is still close to 50% each. I have seen data claiming all kinds of different things, but wouldn't suggest moving there based on any such studies. If you like it there, move. I was born there and it's a great city. A lot like Seattle actually though more fog and less rain.

[rkwalton]

I think the media just loves scaring the isht out of single straight women because there always seems to be some article talking about how we can't get a date, we're more likely to get mauled by zombies and will never get married unless it's to an abusive meth dealer.

All of my female friends that I know in the Bay Area who wanted to find a man to marry, found one and got married. Most married men on their level: meaning they were pretty close in terms of education and careers.

From my personal experience, I don't have a problem dating here in the Bay Area if that's what I'm seeking.

I always thought that people who stressed that San Francisco and the Bay Area were gay friendly didn't get that it doesn't mean that straight people don't also live here. We do and we find each other. It's pretty easy if you socialize and meet people. Plus, with online dating people are meeting that way too.

I can't say it's the "best" place, but it's not the worst.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by gingerdancer

Recently, however, in speaking to a man who moved out of the city, he informed me that SF is "the best place a straight single woman can be. If you want to NOT be single within 6 months, move to SF." That there is a 5:1 Male:Female ratio, and the city is oozing with single straight men outnumbering the women by far.. He said that gay men are actually a huge minority. He added that (and this sounds really hard to believe) men are so desperate for women that at a given night at a bar (not in the castro) that every one woman will have 2-3 guys trying to talk to her. ?????

Why bars? If men are so desperate, why aren't they talking to women everywhere, not just in bars? I can assure you, they're not talking to women that much outside of bars.

I read a strange article in San Francisco Magazine a couple of years ago, that said that women have more or less given up on dating, and are hanging out with friends, and spending time at home more. They don't like guys hitting on them in public, according to the article, so they've withdrawn.

I find that hard to believe. I think it's just a media phenomenon. Thoughts?

[DocGoldstein]

The best place for single women is obviously the South Bay (Palo Alto, Mountain View, Sunnyvale, etc). It's not even close.

[thecooler]

A friend found this quote and its very appropriate for the San Jose area (Man Jose), it's less true for SF, but can also apply. For single women - "the odds are good...but goods are odd."

I can't remember where I saw it, but somewhere online the male/female ratios were shown on a map. In general the west coast has more men then women, and the east coast has more women then men. When going out to bars, usually men will outnumber women. However that doesn't mean they're all fighting over the attention of the women. People here just seem really jaded and unless you're going to a bar specifically known for being a meat market and you're very attractive, in general there's not much intermingling of people who don't already know each other. San Francisco is a city where people come to not grow up. Where other places, people settle down and marry in their 20s. Here, most of my friends that did get married, did so in their late 30s. I know a lot of people over 40 and a couple over 50 who've never married, and some of them don't want to. This is an easy place to be single because of that, but you'll meet a lot of men who prefer to "hang out" and can't even be bothered with an exclusive relationship. Basically, its a mixed bag.

[mayorhaggar]

It's more like 52% men, 48% women. That's not a huge gap. And yeah there's a lot of gay dudes but there's quite a few lesbians too. And there are a lot of weird guys in the Bay Area so I don't think women have the pick of the litter or anything. But there are a lot of rich guys wandering around coastal California, which I think skews things--it's not like a lot of other states where if you walk into a random bar and just swing a cat around you just hit a bunch of middle class office workers rather than a bunch of 30 year old tech zillionaires.

[BayDude]

Look on dating sites like okcupid and howaboutwe. Most of the single women are from San Francisco.

Bars are heavily male skewed (aka sausagefests). Clubs not so much. I've been there. So it depends on the environment and context.

I would say straight men overall are at a slight advantage in SF. Lots of somewhat decent looking, young women. Not a terrible amount of competition whether from other straight guys (most guys there are timid and un-aggressive or just weird) or gay guys.

[rkwalton]

Originally Posted by mayorhaggar

It's more like 52% men, 48% women. That's not a huge gap. And yeah there's a lot of gay dudes but there's quite a few lesbians too. And there are a lot of weird guys in the Bay Area so I don't think women have the pick of the litter or anything. But there are a lot of rich guys wandering around coastal California, which I think skews things--it's not like a lot of other states where if you walk into a random bar and just swing a cat around you just hit a bunch of middle class office workers rather than a bunch of 30 year old tech zillionaires.

Totally, but the techies sort of balance out the weirdos. Sort of.

[clongirl]

Originally Posted by rkwalton

Totally, but the techies sort of balance out the weirdos. Sort of.

The saying down in Silicon Valley is that for women, the odds are good, but the "goods" are odd!

To the OP...I had no problems whatsoever with finding men to date. Of course this was a while ago since I eventually met my husband in the City.

Apparently, after reading so much whining and complaining lately from some of the men posters here, if you dress like a bimbo slu* and act like a wannabe reality star then your odds for getting hit on by arrogant, dooshbag, creeps are even better!!