Online dating for those who are 55+/retired. (marriage, dumped, crying)
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..."you are too tall for most men's preferences" (I am 6'1".)...
Dang! Bad timing, again. 6'1" sounds just about perfect for a 6'3" guy. Oh well. I'll be moving 1,200 miles away to a different part of the country when I retire next February, anyway.
I've tried on-line dating and have had mixed results. Went on a date with a lady, which involved a long drive through some pretty rough traffic, only to discover that she looked nothing like her picture. She must have used a college yearbook picture instead of something more current. A nice enough lady, but no 'spark', and inside, felt I was mislead.
On the other hand, I've met some very nice ladies and we have remained very good friends . One going on six years now. She would let me stay in an extra bedroom when I came to visit, which was nice. She'd go to work, and I'd go out exploring the wonderful wilds of Montana, (awesome place). She became a flight attendant and is now constantly on the road, (or would that be, "in the sky"?), so we don't see each other as often. We still phone or e-mail pretty much every week.
The greatest hindrance to establishing anything more than a casual friendship is the distances involved. I've learned that long-distance relationships just don't work out very well.
Being tall is a drawback. I'm 5'7" and even that has seriously limited me during my life. You feel self conscious enough but being with a man who is shorter makes you feel like a giant. It's not their fault, of course, it's just the way you feel.
My male friend who still does the online dating reports that many of the women are not what they appear to be in their pictures. He says many of them are obese and some have had that fat surgery so their skin hangs down--I never knew about that problem before!
He also gets women who are absolutely crazy. Living in a trailer in the woods with 100 cats or they are on drugs or alcoholics.
But for older people who don't want to go to bars and who never meet anyone eligible or who just aren't outgoing enough, the online thing can work. Find one for older people though and cast your net wide. The long distance thing is a problem but if the people near where you live are not your type, maybe that's what you need. Maybe they'd like to come and visit you and stay in a nearby hotel. Don't invite them to your home, of course. Not unless you meet them and get along with them and trust them.
When my dh came here, he stayed in a hotel, did not have my address, and I would pick him up at 10 am at his hotel and take him sight seeing with him paying for the gas. I wasn't crazy about him at first but we did get along and I was impressed that he wanted to see things like the USS Constitution (Old Ironsides) and the Paul Revere House. hmmmmm, same type of thing that I'm interested in.
Last edited by in_newengland; 04-23-2016 at 12:33 PM..
I retired in 07, my wife of thirty years died a few months later, we hadn't really finished the unpacking at a new house. Didn't date for a few years but eventually wanted to meet a woman who was looking for the same kind of life as me and found that woman on a web dating site. We married in 2011, best thing that happened to me in a long time. She says the same about her feelings of our being together.
We both had the death of our spouses as a common ground to begin the conversation we knew was an uncomfortable thing for many of our friends and family, after some sharing of our past with each other we moved on to our own life together, travelling, cooking, hobbies, kids and grandkids, it's all about us now and the past is the past. I never would have met this woman had I just spent my time looking for a relationship in the small town I lived in, the web is is simply a portal to the greater populace numbers, not a bad thing when one considers the alternative of a too narrow field of choice.
This subject has been beaten like the proverbial dead horse, but we are talking about people here and not politics, money, education, cars, or the myriad of other stuff that ignites the minds of the usual suspects here on CD who we know would be insufferable in any face to face time spent with them. Widening the range of choices is the one positive factor above the others that gets to the heart of most people's online dating problems, I ended up selling my home and moving a hundred miles in order to have the life, and wife, I desired, it's all about flexibility I guess.
I'll throw in the on the complaining by men who say they just can't find the "right" woman, it's been my experience that many women who were dissatisfied with their past relationships were not in a position to experience the kind of dating that is now a reality, thanks to the web. They can now be choosy, they can now be independent, and often are, they now can afford to have their own life outside of that of a man's determination of what's good for them, and that fact requires a far different man than any from the past.
In this modern day dating reality it is no wonder that older men find today's women so frustrating, at sixty and beyond it is daunting to be walking around with the mindset of that once thirty year old guy who thought women were put here to serve and take care of a man. Conversely, some older women now have a much harder time accepting this new reality of women's independence as it relates to the notions of a man woman relationship, many are very concerned with becoming "trapped" in the old paradigm of an earlier time.
Being tall is a drawback. I'm 5'7" and even that has seriously limited me during my life. You feel self conscious enough but being with a man who is shorter makes you feel like a giant. It's not their fault, of course, it's just the way you feel.
My male friend who still does the online dating reports that many of the women are not what they appear to be in their pictures. He says many of them are obese and some have had that fat surgery so their skin hangs down--I never knew about that problem before!
He also gets women who are absolutely crazy. Living in a trailer in the woods with 100 cats or they are on drugs or alcoholics.
But for older people who don't want to go to bars and who never meet anyone eligible or who just aren't outgoing enough, the online thing can work. Find one for older people though and cast your net wide. The long distance thing is a problem but if the people near where you live are not your type, maybe that's what you need. Maybe they'd like to come and visit you and stay in a nearby hotel. Don't invited them to your home, of course. Not unless you meet them and get along with them and trust them.
When my dh came here, he stayed in a hotel, did not have my address, and I would pick him up at 10 am at his hotel and take him sight seeing with him paying for the gas. I wasn't crazy about him at first but we did get along and I was impressed that he wanted to see things like the USS Constitution (Old Ironsides) and the Paul Revere House. hmmmmm, same type of thing that I'm interested in.
Ha, those sound like dream dates! I love history and in fact plan to finish the historical novel I've been slowly working on for years now that I'm retired.
I retired in 07, my wife of thirty years died a few months later, we hadn't really finished the unpacking at a new house. Didn't date for a few years but eventually wanted to meet a woman who was looking for the same kind of life as me and found that woman on a web dating site. We married in 2011, best thing that happened to me in a long time. She says the same about her feelings of our being together.
We both had the death of our spouses as a common ground to begin the conversation we knew was an uncomfortable thing for many of our friends and family, after some sharing of our past with each other we moved on to our own life together, travelling, cooking, hobbies, kids and grandkids, it's all about us now and the past is the past. I never would have met this woman had I just spent my time looking for a relationship in the small town I lived in, the web is is simply a portal to the greater populace numbers, not a bad thing when one considers the alternative of a too narrow field of choice.
This subject has been beaten like the proverbial dead horse, but we are talking about people here and not politics, money, education, cars, or the myriad of other stuff that ignites the minds of the usual suspects here on CD who we know would be insufferable in any face to face time spent with them. Widening the range of choices is the one positive factor above the others that gets to the heart of most people's online dating problems, I ended up selling my home and moving a hundred miles in order to have the life, and wife, I desired, it's all about flexibility I guess.
I'll throw in the on the complaining by men who say they just can't find the "right" woman, it's been my experience that many women who were dissatisfied with their past relationships were not in a position to experience the kind of dating that is now a reality, thanks to the web. They can now be choosy, they can now be independent, and often are, they now can afford to have their own life outside of that of a man's determination of what's good for them, and that fact requires a far different man than any from the past.
In this modern day dating reality it is no wonder that older men find today's women so frustrating, at sixty and beyond it is daunting to be walking around with the mindset of that once thirty year old guy who thought women were put here to serve and take care of a man. Conversely, some older women now have a much harder time accepting this new reality of women's independence as it relates to the notions of a man woman relationship, many are very concerned with becoming "trapped" in the old paradigm of an earlier time.
Good observations, and best to you as you continue in your current relationship. It's always nice to hear the success stories.
A woman I know got divorced after 44 years of marriage. Husband dumped her for an OLDER woman he met on Facebook, but she's pretty sure he had been a cheater at other times in their marriage.
She met a man she knew in high school at a memorial service for a mutual friend. His wife died a couple of years ago. It seems to be working well. So, maybe try online dating, but don't rule out funeral homes.
My friend who's 69 found out her live-in man of 10 years had 2 other women (one of them was his wife!) in the other cities where his work frequently sent him. So they broke up and within 2 months she was dating guys online. We were sort of stunned that she jumped in so quickly. The second guy she went on a meet-up she is now engaged to, just 4 months after their first date. He is 71. We are happy for her, but I think she is settling for this guy rather than loneliness. They are not a good match in our opinion, but we keep that to ourselves. He is a widower and is very "old for his age". She seems young for her age, and was very active in things like kayaking and hiking, enjoyed wine and rock and roll. He is into ballroom dancing and jazz from previous eras. Oh well as long as she's happy I guess.
I joined OurTime. I am new and learning my way around the site but there is a wide selection of woman for one to choose from. Several have contacted me but for various reasons (looks, size, profile information, distance, etc.) I have not responded to any. I have set up a Favorites List of some I did look at who seemed interesting, but I have not contacted any of them yet.
Will be interesting to see if any of my Favorites List contact me. That could make for a good start.
I was specific in my profile that I am not interested in a live-in lady friend nor in marriage.
I met my SO online. He came up on my list of likely prospects every day and he never contacted me. So one day I put on my big girl panties and contacted him. Neither of us had anything sexy or suggestive in our profiles and I didn't even have a picture. I'm sure he thought I looked like the Swamp Thing, but for some reason he decided to take a chance.
We met at a local restaurant for dinner and 7 years later, we are still together. And BTW it turned out I had never been on his list so if I hadn't contacted him, we would never have met. Online dating isn't perfect and there are plenty of nutbags out there of all ages. If you want companionship, it never hurts to try! And even if you are not attracted to someone, they could turn out to be a new friend.
She met a man she knew in high school at a memorial service for a mutual friend. His wife died a couple of years ago. It seems to be working well. So, maybe try online dating, but don't rule out funeral homes.
Reminds me of a line from the movie Wedding Crashers:
I sometimes wish there was online friends dating for singles. I'm interested in close committed friendship(s) but they can be hard find as you age. Most people rely on family and spouses or the friends they've had for ages.
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