Dh had an Epiphany yesterday (wife, marriage, woman, Chinese)
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We, dh and the 2 kids were sitting in a Chinese food buffett style place yesterday and talking about something, I dont even remember what, but what it boiled down to was myself and his mother. Here we go. He told me that she will always outrank me. Well, from his actions all these years I always knew that, but he sat there and said it out loud. So he was going on and on, blah blah blah and finally I told him that he needed to stop talking. He said ok, had no clue. I regained composure and said that when you marry a woman you become as one. You leave your family and start your own family. Your wife then becomes the woman in 1st place in your life, then your mother. He says well, she has exp with buying things and with medical and lawyers. OK, Now I got really MAD. I said all she has ever bought in her life is a PACIFICA and has reliec on men for all the rest. Lawyers because she is trying to take everyone elses money...dhs. Medical, yes she has problems, but so do I!!! She let things happen to their family growing up that was reprehensible and that I would never let happen to my kids and I told him if thats the kind of advise/exp he wants to learn/live by then he is off his rocker!!!!!!! He says, true... Then, I say lets look at her last marriage... one of the worst things in it was that her dh had more time and everything for his mother, and not his wife. he did everything for his own Mother and never spent any time with his wife, dhs mom, took care of her money wise and didn't keep groceries in their house...oh I could go on. So I say to dh... do you recall all the problems we have to hear about over and over about that marriage and his mother coming before your mother, well thats what you have been doing to me fore 15 years, even with all of the bad things she has done to you.... OMG lightbulb moment for dh. It was like I hit him with a brick! He said I can't believe it. He said from today on I am changing, mind you I said it takes seeing to believe... I had also told him that I was never going to follow her advise and exp... She may be older than me but not wiser. She has made so many mistakes in her life and this is why she needs all the lawyers. She has med probs, guess what? I do too, but I had them start from a much younger age. I nursed my Mother, Father, and Grandmother until the day they died, and I am the baby of my family, I took on the responsibility. I told my dh that I would NEVER take her advice exp and use it. I can't go into the childhood, but it was bad for them. I am so sorry, I know this was long, but getting it out, other than infront of everyone at the restaurant feels good for me. Dh asks me how we can accomplish things like this again, I told him I guess we have to go for Chinese... It was a good day, a day of realization.
We, dh and the 2 kids were sitting in a Chinese food buffett style place yesterday and talking about something, I dont even remember what, but what it boiled down to was myself and his mother. Here we go. He told me that she will always outrank me. Well, from his actions all these years I always knew that, but he sat there and said it out loud. So he was going on and on, blah blah blah and finally I told him that he needed to stop talking. He said ok, had no clue. I regained composure and said that when you marry a woman you become as one. You leave your family and start your own family. Your wife then becomes the woman in 1st place in your life, then your mother. He says well, she has exp with buying things and with medical and lawyers. OK, Now I got really MAD. I said all she has ever bought in her life is a PACIFICA and has reliec on men for all the rest. Lawyers because she is trying to take everyone elses money...dhs. Medical, yes she has problems, but so do I!!! She let things happen to their family growing up that was reprehensible and that I would never let happen to my kids and I told him if thats the kind of advise/exp he wants to learn/live by then he is off his rocker!!!!!!! He says, true... Then, I say lets look at her last marriage... one of the worst things in it was that her dh had more time and everything for his mother, and not his wife. he did everything for his own Mother and never spent any time with his wife, dhs mom, took care of her money wise and didn't keep groceries in their house...oh I could go on. So I say to dh... do you recall all the problems we have to hear about over and over about that marriage and his mother coming before your mother, well thats what you have been doing to me fore 15 years, even with all of the bad things she has done to you.... OMG lightbulb moment for dh. It was like I hit him with a brick! He said I can't believe it. He said from today on I am changing, mind you I said it takes seeing to believe... I had also told him that I was never going to follow her advise and exp... She may be older than me but not wiser. She has made so many mistakes in her life and this is why she needs all the lawyers. She has med probs, guess what? I do too, but I had them start from a much younger age. I nursed my Mother, Father, and Grandmother until the day they died, and I am the baby of my family, I took on the responsibility. I told my dh that I would NEVER take her advice exp and use it. I can't go into the childhood, but it was bad for them. I am so sorry, I know this was long, but getting it out, other than infront of everyone at the restaurant feels good for me. Dh asks me how we can accomplish things like this again, I told him I guess we have to go for Chinese... It was a good day, a day of realization.
Breathe 2,3,4
Seriously, that was good...sometimes a good gut-checking is in order and it sounds like your hubs finally saw the light.
Cin, remind me never to go for Chinese with you...lol
I was shocked at first because I thought the initial comment was his epiphany. But I'm glad you were able to stand up to what he was saying and get him to see what he's doing. You're right, seeing is believing. Hopefully he'll follow through.
I was shocked at first because I thought the initial comment was his epiphany. But I'm glad you were able to stand up to what he was saying and get him to see what he's doing. You're right, seeing is believing. Hopefully he'll follow through.
Yes, only when I see will I believe, because you can say anything you want... thanks for your input....
I am glad your hubby saw the light. I have a good friend whose husband is like your husband - puts his mom on a pedestal all the time and puts my friend down, and his mother is one of the most screwed up people on the planet!!! Just keep reminding him of how wonderful you are and your special talents. Sometimes these guys are so brainwashed that you have to chip away at that "my mom is so great" thing. Hang in there!
I was gonna do that but ........ MUST .... pull ..... stick ...... out ...... of ........ butt!!!!
Watch those splinters!!, you'll be dancing bowlegged if you're not careful!
(attention threaders and threadees...paragraph shift following)
What time should I expect you over to help me with this mulch? Should I go ahead and get started, or wait on you to get here?
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He said ok, had no clue. I regained composure and said that when you marry a woman you become as one. You leave your family and start your own family. Your wife then becomes the woman in 1st place in your life, then your mother. He says well, she has exp with buying things and with medical and lawyers. OK, Now I got really MAD. I said all she has ever bought in her life is a PACIFICA and has reliec on men for all the rest. Lawyers because she is trying to take everyone elses money...dhs. Medical, yes she has problems, but so do I!!! She let things happen to their family growing up that was reprehensible and that I would never let happen to my kids and I told him if thats the kind of advise/exp he wants to learn/live by then he is off his rocker!!!!!!! He says, true... Then, I say lets look at her last marriage... one of the worst things in it was that her dh had more time and everything for his mother, and not his wife. he did everything for his own Mother and never spent any time with his wife, dhs mom, took care of her money wise and didn't keep groceries in their house...oh I could go on. So I say to dh... do you recall all the problems we have to hear about over and over about that marriage and his mother coming before your mother, well thats what you have been doing to me fore 15 years, even with all of the bad things she has done to you.... OMG lightbulb moment for dh. It was like I hit him with a brick! He said I can't believe it. He said from today on I am changing, mind you I said it takes seeing to believe... I had also told him that I was never going to follow her advise and exp... She may be older than me but not wiser. She has made so many mistakes in her life and this is why she needs all the lawyers. She has med probs, guess what? I do too, but I had them start from a much younger age. I nursed my Mother, Father, and Grandmother until the day they died, and I am the baby of my family, I took on the responsibility. I told my dh that I would NEVER take her advice exp and use it. I can't go into the childhood, but it was bad for them. I am so sorry, I know this was long, but getting it out, other than infront of everyone at the restaurant feels good for me. Dh asks me how we can accomplish things like this again, I told him I guess we have to go for Chinese... It was a good day, a day of realization.
