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I have tried to make the point in other threads that there is "true confidence" (believing in yourself, being comfortable with who you are, not afraid of truth, etc.), which is an inner thing, and then there are outer qualities (friendliness, salesmanship, showmanship, etc.). IMO, true confidence, being an inner thing, is something you might not be able to tell about a person until you know them well, while the outer things are readily apparent. While the inner/outer are often related, it is also not unusual that they happen separately (e.g., we hear many stories about people skillfully pretending to be a friend or sincere person, but it turns out they're not, and in fact may be pretty messed up inside).
Lumping all these qualities together as "confidence" makes for a meaningless discussion. I'm not sure how to make this distinction. Maybe "inner confidence" vs. "outer confidence"? Or "true confidence" vs. "appearance of confidence"?
In any case, I would like to suggest being specific when answering the OP.
Ladies how important is confidence to you in a man and do becomes before looks, personality, status ect....
Coming out of today's dysfunctional school system, those with confidence are almost exclusively either the bully/gang member/underachiever/jock/drug dealer types or the rich kids who attract women due to their obvious assets and because their parents can protect them from the worst aspects of modern school "culture".
One obvious thing I noticed about most of my peers - the middle class decent guys I knew at college; non violent, future oriented, net contributors to society - WAS their lack of confidence. Being academically inclined, they were usually from the lower portions of the high school social totem pole and this had already sapping their confidence. They followed this with many more years pursuing an education of uncertain value, racking up major debt and seeing their best years slip away in this pursuit. Certainly not confidence building, especially with members of the opposite sex.
Its no wonder there are so many single women with children. They are attracted to the confidence and easy charm of those lowlifes who escaped their school days relatively intact. This successfully covers up their readily apparent flaws, until they run out on their responsibilities. At that time, I was occasionally bemused by the bravado of these clowns, but young women ate it up.
However, one thing that still gnaws at me is how, in general, the guys I knew, were well aware that their opportunities for a successful marriage and a family were lessened with every year. This was due to the major shift in society that occurred at that time and continues to this day. They were trapped and knew they could expect far less than that of their parent's generation.
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What comes first
