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I have been out of a bad relationship for a year. I want to go out and have had chances, but I always back out. I usually do not date per se, I just fall into these relationships, so I want to be careful. Does anyone have or had this experience and how do you "Date" when you really never did. I am pretty sociable, but I am afraid I will not like the person and then what do I do? How do I reject him. What if he does not like me? EECH, I am 44!
I usually do not date per se, I just fall into these relationships, so I want to be careful. Does anyone have or had this experience and how do you "Date" when you really never did.
Hmm, I'll be interested in your thread, too, as I'm in the same shoes. I kind of doubt I will ever date per se. Supposedly it's about optimization - in other words, you get to sample different meals and find out what you like. The problem with me is that I have a very conservative palette and I don't like sampling things I know for a fact I don't like. I usually go hungry until I come across food I want. Then again, broccoli did grow on me in this country even though I'd never tasted it growing up and I'm not big on greens in general. So, who knows what's right...
Disclaimer: My way of doing things has not brought great results so far.
Hmm, I'll be interested in your thread, too, as I'm in the same shoes. I kind of doubt I will ever date per se. Supposedly it's about optimization - in other words, you get to sample different meals and find out what you like. The problem with me is that I have a very conservative palette and I don't like sampling things I know for a fact I don't like. I usually go hungry until I come across food I want. Then again, broccoli did grow on me in this country even though I'd never tasted it growing up and I'm not big on greens in general. So, who knows what's right...
Disclaimer: My way of doing things has not brought great results so far.
So far I have gotten fried chicken! The guy was too feminine and it was kind of weird because we ate at popeyes. I chickened out (HA)! on another date for coffee this weekend. I need to get motivated!
First all congratulations on getting out of the abusive relationship. It will come with time..... put yourself out there, and have fun!!!
If you don't like the guy, just let him know, you don't feel the chemistry. If he doesn't like you, no worries, plenty of fish in the sea. Just keep your standards high and DON'T settle!
imho your reluctance may not be fear it might be wisdom. if you are 44 and have made no major mistakes you are so very far ahead in the game. in this particular game people lose as often by mistakes than lack of ability. if you find those around you to be losers, dont date them. find a hobby. hooking up is not the all in all of life.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 09-23-2008 at 07:38 PM..
So far I have gotten fried chicken! The guy was too feminine and it was kind of weird because we ate at popeyes. I chickened out (HA)! on another date for coffee this weekend.
Eh, perhaps after some fried chicken you might come across a steak...
Quote:
I need to get motivated!
It's hard to get motivated for job interviews. I don't know how people do it, either. I've a coworker who seems to enjoy dating very much. It's beyond me how anybody can have fun with these awkward situations. It's not that I'm no sociable, but I like conversation to develop naturally, and based on what I read and hear about American dating, it just sounds no better than having a root canal done to me. I'm sure a natural and fun conversation CAN develop with some people, but I doubt they'd be the majority...
My own experience with "dating" amounts to a couple of not quite strictly defined as "dates" meetings. One was horrendous and the other one was very nice, but it did not develop into anything due to the other party wanting to be with somebody sharing a particular interest I'm not big on.
When you go out and date you approach each person as a potential new friend not so much as partner or husband material. That way there is much less friction, tension, and pressure. If you make a new friend then great, if you make a lover or partner then great, if the guy is a freakin negative neurotic psycho just be polite and do not return his calls or emails but only if he is absolutely terrible and toxic. You will know if he is toxic if he brings up how bad his past relationships were, prior drug abuse/addiction/rehabs, talks about his failures or treats you like a therapist, talks only about himself, and rarely shows interest in you (That is a toxic person or a user). Be smart about youre decisions. I noticed you rejected a guy that was too effeminate, maybe he could have made a good friend that could introduce you to other men, ever think of that?
Other wise give some guys a chance for the ice to break......and let them adapt to your style too. An immediate click isn't usual; however, that doesn't mean the guy is a freak of nature to be ignored or rejected.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Artsywoman
I have been out of a bad relationship for a year. I want to go out and have had chances, but I always back out. I usually do not date per se, I just fall into these relationships, so I want to be careful. Does anyone have or had this experience and how do you "Date" when you really never did. I am pretty sociable, but I am afraid I will not like the person and then what do I do? How do I reject him. What if he does not like me? EECH, I am 44!
If you make a new friend then great, if you make a lover or partner then great
I don't believe dating is a great foundation for friendships. Normally one person would like the other to be more than a friend and if it doesn't happen there are residual feelings that are not what friendships are made of, IMO.
I don't have that problem, that you seem to have. I'm fantastic looking and so is my personality; however, I know that I will be rejected for romantic material at some points in my life and I don't have an issue being just a friend.
It's when they say "let's just be friends" in a sharp and cutting tone of voice and then they never call or return emails. lol..now that is really mean and creates resentment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
I don't believe dating is a great foundation for friendships. Normally one person would like the other to be more than a friend and if it doesn't happen there are residual feelings that are not what friendships are made of, IMO.
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