Dated for only TWO weeks and now it seems over and I'm so sad and confused. Advice please (dating, woman)
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I'm sad and need your advice. Basically I (31F) moved to a new city and in my very first week I met this guy (35M) at work which was only two and a half weeks ago. Hit it off right away, and we started hanging out almost every day, even though I was honestly not sure about his intentions with me. He kinda has a reputation as a womanizer, and I could see why. In the office I would always see him talking and flirting with girls and he wasn't shy at all to approach me. Also, I found him immature at times- Like he mentioned several times that he only flirted with girls in the beginning because he wanted me to be a little jealous. I did get the feeling though that he actually likes me. He took me out on dates, we spent so much time together, he was sweet to me when we were alone, also slept together, of course. Again, we met only two and a half weeks ago, so you see that things were moving fast. I started liking him more, I enjoyed my time with him, but I was also a little worried that in the end he'd just be playing with me and I would get hurt in the end (been there before and that wasn't nice).In these two and a half weeks we have not once spoken about being exclusive or about a future together. He also hasn't said he has feelings for me or anything like that.
This past Thursday we had a work party with the entire office, a really casual thing with open bar. We were sitting next to each other, but we wouldn't touch, hold hands, kiss or anything. For me that was very okay, because it's only been two weeks since I know him and have been seeing him, and I was definitely not ready anyways to go public with him (especially since we haven't even talked about being exclusive), and I was sure he feels the same. Then at some point this other guy from our work shows up, let's call him B and the guy I was seeing A. A cannot stand B for the sole reason that he knows that B has a thing for me, and that he always flirts with me. So B sits down next to me, A is on my other side. I hasn't seen B in days, so we started talking. Literally as soon as B sat down next to me, A started acting all territorial. He kept pulling me towards him, putting his hand on my legs in a very obvious way etc . etc. I did not like that at all, because I know he just did that to make it clear to the other guy that I'm 'his', and not because he always does that. When B got up for a few minutes to get another drink, A even pushed his chair away and said he hopes that B gets lost. Even a girl from my work that I don't really know came up to me and whispered in my ear asking if everything is okay because A seems to be acting extremely jealous. I told him in a nice way to stop this and be nice to B. B came back and we kept talking, while A kept touching my legs, pulling me towards him etc, and I kept pushing him away until I got really mad, so I literally told him to stop ****ing touching me and that I know he only does it so B knows I'm 'his'. A got mad, didn't admit to anything and then just got up, told me he's going home and left. I didn't follow him, I was so mad. Kept talking to B all night, nothing happened though.
The next morning (yesterday) I didn't see A in the office, so I messaged him and asked if everything is ok. He messaged me back saying that he felt humiliated and really hurt by my behaviour, that he thought this was going somewhere and that he can't believe that I told him to stop touching me, while I was 'flirting' with the other guy all night long. That he would never do that to me. That he doesn't understand why I would try to hide from B that him and I are seeing each other. I was like what?? We haven't even talked about being exclusive and we literally just met two weeks earlier, that I do like him and everything, but that I'm also very mad at him because of his behaviour. I told him to meet me after work so we can talk about this, and he said there is nothing to talk about and that he just wants to move on from 'this' and find someone who wants the same as him. I was like wtf? He then stopped responding. This morning he sent me a short text just saying 'I'm sorry for how I behaved on Thursday.' I answered, he read it and never answered again. A coworker I'm close with told me he met some random chick at a bar last night, so I guess he got laid.
I don't know. I feel so hurt, and mistreated, but also bad for hurting him. I wonder if I actually hurt him and his feelings though, or just his ego/pride. If he really cared about me, wouldn't he have wanted to meet me and talk about things, instead of getting with some random chick one day later? Isn't the whole jealousy thing a red flag anyways, especially so early on and especially since we haven't even talked about being more serious or anything? Or was it really disrespectful what I did, by talking all night to the other guy and telling A to stop touching me (I would have talked a lot more to A that night, but his jealous behaviour really pissed me off so I rather talked to the other guy).
I don't know, I'm sad and confused. So now it's over between us it seems, even though it hadn't even really started.He doesn't even seem interested in one last talk to clear up things. And as stupid as it sounds, I do miss him a lot. What do you think about all this? Do you think it's for the best that he's out of my life? Could I have done something different? Or what would you do in my situation now?
He actually sounds like a creep, so it doesn't seem like you lost anything valuable. Would you really be happy in a relationship with someone who treated you so much like a possession rather than a person? If you really think about it, I'm sure you'd realize that his behavior is not acceptable and that's why you're better off without him. Don't be sad, be happy you dodged a bullet with this weirdo.
I don't see working together as a huge issue. I work in a massive company with thousands of employees. He works in a different field, in a different team, on a different floor. I barely ever see him (or B).
You have not been on the new job for a month and already two men are at odds. You appear to be the new piece of meat and they all want some. Set some respect boundaries and stop dating men at your job. You know, they do talk.
You have not been on the new job for a month and already two men are at odds. You appear to be the new piece of meat and they all want some. Set some respect boundaries and stop dating men at your job. You know, they do talk.
Wow, what a rude answer. Stop dating men at your work? They talk? Really? NOTHING has ever happened with B, I'm not interested in him, he's just nice and interesting. I have never 'dated men at work' wtf. He's the first one and not even in my team or on my floor.
I'm sad and need your advice. Basically I (31F) moved to a new city and in my very first week I met this guy (35M) at work which was only two and a half weeks ago. Hit it off right away, and we started hanging out almost every day, even though I was honestly not sure about his intentions with me. He kinda has a reputation as a womanizer, and I could see why. In the office I would always see him talking and flirting with girls and he wasn't shy at all to approach me. Also, I found him immature at times- Like he mentioned several times that he only flirted with girls in the beginning because he wanted me to be a little jealous. I did get the feeling though that he actually likes me. He took me out on dates, we spent so much time together, he was sweet to me when we were alone, also slept together, of course. Again, we met only two and a half weeks ago, so you see that things were moving fast. I started liking him more, I enjoyed my time with him, but I was also a little worried that in the end he'd just be playing with me and I would get hurt in the end (been there before and that wasn't nice).In these two and a half weeks we have not once spoken about being exclusive or about a future together. He also hasn't said he has feelings for me or anything like that.
This past Thursday we had a work party with the entire office, a really casual thing with open bar. We were sitting next to each other, but we wouldn't touch, hold hands, kiss or anything. For me that was very okay, because it's only been two weeks since I know him and have been seeing him, and I was definitely not ready anyways to go public with him (especially since we haven't even talked about being exclusive), and I was sure he feels the same. Then at some point this other guy from our work shows up, let's call him B and the guy I was seeing A. A cannot stand B for the sole reason that he knows that B has a thing for me, and that he always flirts with me. So B sits down next to me, A is on my other side. I hasn't seen B in days, so we started talking. Literally as soon as B sat down next to me, A started acting all territorial. He kept pulling me towards him, putting his hand on my legs in a very obvious way etc . etc. I did not like that at all, because I know he just did that to make it clear to the other guy that I'm 'his', and not because he always does that. When B got up for a few minutes to get another drink, A even pushed his chair away and said he hopes that B gets lost. Even a girl from my work that I don't really know came up to me and whispered in my ear asking if everything is okay because A seems to be acting extremely jealous. I told him in a nice way to stop this and be nice to B. B came back and we kept talking, while A kept touching my legs, pulling me towards him etc, and I kept pushing him away until I got really mad, so I literally told him to stop ****ing touching me and that I know he only does it so B knows I'm 'his'. A got mad, didn't admit to anything and then just got up, told me he's going home and left. I didn't follow him, I was so mad. Kept talking to B all night, nothing happened though.
The next morning (yesterday) I didn't see A in the office, so I messaged him and asked if everything is ok. He messaged me back saying that he felt humiliated and really hurt by my behaviour, that he thought this was going somewhere and that he can't believe that I told him to stop touching me, while I was 'flirting' with the other guy all night long. That he would never do that to me. That he doesn't understand why I would try to hide from B that him and I are seeing each other. I was like what?? We haven't even talked about being exclusive and we literally just met two weeks earlier, that I do like him and everything, but that I'm also very mad at him because of his behaviour. I told him to meet me after work so we can talk about this, and he said there is nothing to talk about and that he just wants to move on from 'this' and find someone who wants the same as him. I was like wtf? He then stopped responding. This morning he sent me a short text just saying 'I'm sorry for how I behaved on Thursday.' I answered, he read it and never answered again. A coworker I'm close with told me he met some random chick at a bar last night, so I guess he got laid.
I don't know. I feel so hurt, and mistreated, but also bad for hurting him. I wonder if I actually hurt him and his feelings though, or just his ego/pride. If he really cared about me, wouldn't he have wanted to meet me and talk about things, instead of getting with some random chick one day later? Isn't the whole jealousy thing a red flag anyways, especially so early on and especially since we haven't even talked about being more serious or anything? Or was it really disrespectful what I did, by talking all night to the other guy and telling A to stop touching me (I would have talked a lot more to A that night, but his jealous behaviour really pissed me off so I rather talked to the other guy).
I don't know, I'm sad and confused. So now it's over between us it seems, even though it hadn't even really started.He doesn't even seem interested in one last talk to clear up things. And as stupid as it sounds, I do miss him a lot. What do you think about all this? Do you think it's for the best that he's out of my life? Could I have done something different? Or what would you do in my situation now?
Thanks so much.
Well, you proceeded with A despite all the red flags you had heard and observed about him, and then when he was actually acting like he was "with" you, you suddenly began flipping out and treating him like some player who did you wrong.
So what happened? How did you know the second guy was into you? Why didn't you go out with him? It reads like you just didn't want the second guy to think you were with A.
I totally understand why he is angry with you, after the way you treated him.
You seem to imply you know your actions were not for the best: sleeping with a know womanizer so fast. What happened was he used any reason (guy B) to do what he always does and put the blame on you. I know it hurts, but you played a part by making bad decisions. Suck it up and lesson learned...
What can you do differently? Have some self respect. If you want more than a fling you need to be clear with guys. It sounds like you made yourself available to both A and B, enough to make them feel jealous. I imagine you put out the message that you are not relationship material.
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