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What daily goal should I set for myself to achieve this?
A) Cold approach (train, eatery, bookstore, grocery store, on the street, etc) at at least 1 girl per day? I thought about this but some days I don't see any women I'm interested in.
B) If I see a girl that I'm interested in then approach her? But if I don't see a girl I'm interested in, I get a pass for that day? This sounds more rationale to me.
C) Do something, anything, that day that will count as leading you towards getting a girlfriend? Clearly this is the softest and easiest approach.
Which of these do you think is best? Or is there another daily goal I could use?
What do you think is the most optimal plan?
Also, I'm not on social media so that's off the table. However, I would consider going out to places to meet women. Not sure I could do that daily though.
What makes you think there is a formula for this? Do you have trouble with social nuances and living an integrated life? That takes place outside your own head?
What daily goal should I set for myself to achieve this?
A) Cold approach (train, eatery, bookstore, grocery store, on the street, etc) at at least 1 girl per day? I thought about this but some days I don't see any women I'm interested in.
B) If I see a girl that I'm interested in then approach her? But if I don't see a girl I'm interested in, I get a pass for that day? This sounds more rationale to me.
C) Do something, anything, that day that will count as leading you towards getting a girlfriend? Clearly this is the softest and easiest approach.
Which of these do you think is best? Or is there another daily goal I could use?
What do you think is the most optimal plan?
Also, I'm not on social media so that's off the table. However, I would consider going out to places to meet women. Not sure I could do that daily though.
I think for some people the best approach to trying to get a partner is to stop trying entirely. Too often people make getting into a relationship the goal of their life path - when it is often better for them to have it be an event that happens along their actual life path.
When I was a lazy lay about loner up to - including and just after my college years I finally got around to making a change. I did not want to be a layabout no girlfriend loser any more.
So I actually did make a "daily goal" in my life. My daily goal was to be sure I was somehow better on that day - than I was the day before.
Physically - mentally - emotionally - education - spiritually - whatever. I would ensure that the person going to bed each night was somehow improved on the one the day before.
I would learn something I did not know before - or run a little further or faster than the day before - or be a little better at my combat training and martial arts - or cook something I never cooked before - or meditate better - something. Just something each day that was improved.
And after 12 years I can say those tiny changes have accumulated into a person who is simply unrecognisable compared to the me before. And I am happy in life and in a long term relationship with two women with 2 of 4 planned children and it is all going great for me.
This will not work for everyone of course. But this incremental approach to improvement really worked on me.
I think for some people the best approach to trying to get a partner is to stop trying entirely. Too often people make getting into a relationship the goal of their life path - when it is often better for them to have it be an event that happens along their actual life path.
When I was a lazy lay about loner up to - including and just after my college years I finally got around to making a change. I did not want to be a layabout no girlfriend loser any more.
So I actually did make a "daily goal" in my life. My daily goal was to be sure I was somehow better on that day - than I was the day before.
Physically - mentally - emotionally - education - spiritually - whatever. I would ensure that the person going to bed each night was somehow improved on the one the day before.
I would learn something I did not know before - or run a little further or faster than the day before - or be a little better at my combat training and martial arts - or cook something I never cooked before - or meditate better - something. Just something each day that was improved.
And after 12 years I can say those tiny changes have accumulated into a person who is simply unrecognisable compared to the me before. And I am happy in life and in a long term relationship with two women with 2 of 4 planned children and it is all going great for me.
This will not work for everyone of course. But this incremental approach to improvement really worked on me.
I agree with this. There was a quote in a dating book that I read that went something like this "You won't find a date between your couch and the fridge". You have to go out there and make yourself available, but as you said you also have to continue to improve in life which will gradually make you more dateable. Too many people overestimate their personal abilities in life and don't strive to become better versions of themselves, and some of these same people wonder why they can't find a date or advance further in their careers.
You need to do things you can't shirk yourself out of - no "soft approach".
Talk to at least 3 women a day...and at least two have to be women you haven't spoken to before. No - you can't rely on talking to your same "workwife" each day - you have to go beyond that. Certainly try to find women you're attracted to on some level but if it is 2:00 and you haven't met your goal, talk to ANY woman just for the conversational experience and to make a connection that might lead to her introducing you to someone. It's a numbers game and there is no avoiding that.
How comfortable are you in your own skin? Unless you are very outgoing, social, and are terrific at being a conversation starter... you may find cold approaches difficult and not get the success your looking for.
If your comfortable with people, then strike up lots of conversations. That is not necessarily an endorsement for cold approaches either, but could include them. Make friends. Be out there, doing things (hobbies, interests, etc) where your introduced to new people in comfortable low pressure environments that promote socializing, friend building, etc to build your social network.
A) cold approach - has the advantage of you almost never run out of new candidates, as long as you get out and circulate. It also has the least odds of success.
B) warm approach - better odds of rapport and success, but as you fail you will run out of candidates. Also, has the most potential for fallout - if you ask out the receptionist at your doctors office, and she says NO, it will be uncomfortable forevermore.
C) Yes, always work on improving yourself. However you want to define it.
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