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Oh, our communication is fantastic. That's the thing that gives me hope. It's not a disagreement. It's a fundamental disconnect between my emotional needs and her physical ones (result in a challenge/head butting). We are going to have to try to find a compromise, which will be tricky and may require some failed trial and error.
But thank you.
I don't know the details of your issues but I kind of understand where you're at. I can come across as quite cold and distant if I feel my physical needs aren't being met, more so if I was feeling rejected, its a trigger for me because I dealt with a lot of physical rejection within my marriage. My defenses shoot up as though my head is preparing for things to go to s**t again, the coldness is a by product which is misleading because its actually when I'm at my neediest.
We apparently have one hell of a blizzard moving in, or so they say. Temps dropped from the 70's to the 30's in about an hour and a half. My office is closing at 11am!
Climate change is trippy, man.
But I'll sure take the afternoon off! Niiice...
Me too! But I'm already home 70 yesterday, foot of snow coming in 48 hours...
Me too! But I'm already home 70 yesterday, foot of snow coming in 48 hours...
This one is for you when the snow hits...put on your fuzzy slippers and sit down with a big cup of hot chocolate (or a hot toddy) and let this slow song soothe you:
This one is for you when the snow hits...put on your fuzzy slippers and sit down with a big cup of hot chocolate (or a hot toddy) and let this slow song soothe you:
I don't know the details of your issues but I kind of understand where you're at. I can come across as quite cold and distant if I feel my physical needs aren't being met, more so if I was feeling rejected, its a trigger for me because I dealt with a lot of physical rejection within my marriage. My defenses shoot up as though my head is preparing for things to go to s**t again, the coldness is a by product which is misleading because its actually when I'm at my neediest.
I get it, too. At least in the abstract, Timberline. I hope that things are either improving or that they do improve for you and your partner.
I think that different people certainly react differently to conflict and difficult emotions and such. Some seem to want to charge in a provoke and fight and carry on, explode and then recover. For some, this seems the most natural thing in the world. That whole mindset is horrifying to me, guessing because of my childhood and my parents' behavior. I can't deal with anger well, and I'm far more likely to get distant or to be avoidant even.
I had a situation about a week or week and a half ago. I was not in a good place emotionally and I tried to "use my words" and ask for what I felt I needed from my fella. I think I made a mess of it, and he became defensive, and I ended up just rolling over and letting it go but I was feeling pretty resentful that my attempt at an "ask" did not go well. I was feeling like, great, here's going to be another relationship where no one cares about what I need and I've got to just shut up and go without, and here's where it starts. Because I damn sure won't ask again. I feel sorry I ever tried. (That was in my head, I did not say it.)
Well. In hindsight, I was an ass. I admit it. I was so wrapped up in my own head that I was being horribly self centered. He was having a very stressful week, and it was not a good time to try and engage him in that conversation, he really did not have the emotional bandwidth, as he was having issues at work and waiting on medical tests about an ongoing condition that they monitor in case it could wind up being cancerous...I mean the guy was under enough pressure. He didn't need me being all mopey and insecure on top of it.
And after his stress factors calmed and blew over, he's been completely able to circle back and he's been extra conscientious and loving. He just needed a little time. I feel like a jerk for even thinking the way I was thinking. Or at the least like a petulant child. But I'm glad things are better now...my man, well, he is a keeper.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Yeah, thanks. We've never really fought. We have some intense discussions. We had one until very late last night. It was very productive in learning how each other is wired regarding an issue. Unfortunately, we are wired so very differently on the issue that its like another world. On the good side, both our wiring gets us to similar places (which is one reason we connected in the first place), but it also means when we mis stepped on things we didn't realize it would be a trigger for the other because we took for granted we were coming from similar head spaces. We weren't. We got to the same place through very different paths. We are exploring scenarios on how to make the differences complimentary. Hopefully it works. She is awesome. I'd hate for this to not work.
Sounds a lot like me and the bf, we are both very similar in many areas of our relationship but the way we process and achieve our goals is very different, I process quickly, I'm decisive and I like to execute quickly. He sees it as being reckless and not thinking things through and nicknamed me blitzkrieg, I see it as getting s**t done. He likes to take his time, take small steps, and analyze each stage in his decision making process. I see him as procrastinating and having too much self doubt. He thinks taking things slower means you can better predict the outcome. We had a lot of fall outs but kept coming back together because of the stupid thing called Love. I ended up dragging him to some therapy sessions and its helped us communicate so much better.
Good thing they do it about now, another month or two and they'd be roasting their brains out. Gets Arizona hot when you go that far east.
For people that aren't familiar with Ca and associate it with beaches they've got another thing coming, Ca is basically the same as Az when you get far enough inland.
If we turned off the sprinklers here on the coast, we'd really look like Az, LOL.
I have issues with crowds, I couldn't imagine being at a festival with over 200,000 people expected to be in attendance.
I feel sick watching the coverage of Notre Dame burning in Paris. Such a beautiful building.
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70 yesterday, foot of snow coming in 48 hours...
