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Yes he is. My husband won't let me go over there while he is there. So I can't check things out for sure. The last time I was there was 1 1/2 years ago and I pissed him off and he threw his nes laptop across the room and destroyed it. I told him that I no longer considered him family and that I would never be back. He has ran off all of her family and friends. But my parents do stop by there occassionaly.
Thank goodness he got rid of all of him guns and swords.(I think) a couple of years ago.
I can't blame your husband of wanting to protect you!
If his "threshold" is already THAT CRUMBLED, that he even has fit's when someone else is around....he's already way to far into it, and will have no skrupel in doing more, if he sees it necessary in his mind.
The last line I have highlighted, scares me!!!!! (For her and anyone around him!)
My ex said the same thing.....just to have 1 gun left, hidden...and that was the one which barrel I looked into, when he pointed into my face.
Scary, scary thing...ever!
If someone loves guns, swords...whatever...they usually never give them ALL up, but will keep and hide their "favorite".
Sure, maybe he gave them all away...but, I sure the hell don't want to find out whether he did....or didn't!
If she can't "get out" at this time, for whatever reason, I would suggest she immediately phone a Domestic Abuse hotline or agency (state or city funded won't cost her anything), consider a visit, and discuss the situation.
They can give her a third party, educated reality check and get her started thinking about her options. These people are dedicated, experienced, and VERY GOOD.
She may be paralyzed into inaction by HIS actions at this time, and a trained counselor could help her make rational decisions.
True she cannot leave at this time. I do believe that she is in a mental state of mind that she will let me take her to Dove for expert advise and a reality check. Then hopefully we can proceed in a safe manor and get him out of there and get her into a happier life situation. Yes cost is a big factor. she can not afford anything and I am hoping that they can get her financial assistance with this matter and the divorce. I am hoping that her having 3 kids and one of them being a 1 year old will help to move things along at a faster pace.
I can't blame your husband of wanting to protect you!
If his "threshold" is already THAT CRUMBLED, that he even has fit's when someone else is around....he's already way to far into it, and will have no skrupel in doing more, if he sees it necessary in his mind.
The last line I have highlighted, scares me!!!!! (For her and anyone around him!)
My ex said the same thing.....just to have 1 gun left, hidden...and that was the one which barrel I looked into, when he pointed into my face.
Scary, scary thing...ever!
If someone loves guns, swords...whatever...they usually never give them ALL up, but will keep and hide their "favorite".
Sure, maybe he gave them all away...but, I sure the hell don't want to find out whether he did....or didn't!
I do think that she told me she found one gun hidden and got rid of it 8 months ago. But I will have her doble check the place when he returns to work on Monday. He is home for the weekend and she can't even talk to me on the phone today. I called he the AM and she was wispering and said she would get a hold of me later if she could.
I just got off of the phone with the police and they said contact Dove first , then get an Order of Protection, not a restraining order. He said this way if he destroys anything, he will be responsible to pay her for her half of it and they can arrest him. He also said that they will meet us out there so that she and the kids can remove some of the nesessary belongings in a safe manor. But that they could only give us like 15 minutes or so of time to get her stuff out.
Just contacted my parents and told them not to give her any more food or financial assistance if she asks for it because this will help her open her eyes to her real situation. This is how we got rid of the crack head.
My Mom said that she was going to go in there tomorrow and talk to him and I told her that if she did it would only make things worse and he might beat her up after they leave, or worse. I told her to stay out of it and that I was working on a few things and I don't want them to burn any bridges that I am starting to build. That this all has to be done in a certain order and within the law to protect everyone that is going to need to be involved.
So how am I doing so far?
Thank you for all of your advise, This is really helping me to assist her and I greatly appreciate every bit of it. You don't know how much this means to me.
I do think that she told me she found one gun hidden and got rid of it 8 months ago. But I will have her doble check the place when he returns to work on Monday. He is home for the weekend and she can't even talk to me on the phone today. I called he the AM and she was wispering and said she would get a hold of me later if she could.
That is a pretty sad state to be in, and must be tearing your heart out!
Have her turn the place upside down and inside out for any weapons...comes first thing monday morning. It really IS a matter of life, or death, and a trigger easily pulled in the heat, rage of an argument or confrontation.
Not taking ANY CHANCES...period.
And, yes....having the kids present WILL give it a priority level, and open more doors for her.
Even if the law sometimes doesn't seem to care for the adult individuals being involved in Domestic Turmoil....they DO CARE about the children (especially THAT young) to be exposed and involved in it!
BRAVO! You are "lining up the ducks, and get them all into one row"....
First things first...and you really are taking the proper steps, of supporting her to make it happen.
You guys are on the right track, re-claiming her rightful life and happiness, as well as for the kids!
They deserve non of this.
My family suffered through this for 12 years with my sister. She got out once too many only to return to the abuser. She put value on things, but not herself. Abuse ends in sorrow for most people. A year ago my 57 year old sister stabbed her abuser to death. My family was shocked and riveted emotionally by her actions. I was not shock that she tried to protect herself. This abusive man had a blood alcohol level of 3.8--extremely drunk. He attacked my sister who picked up a cleaver to protect herself. His drunken self fell into her and the cleaver entered his abdomen. He did not know he was even bleeding and proceeded to laydown. Blood and alcohol doe not mix. Although, help was called, she was charged with involuntary manslaughter. She served one day in jail and was free for over a year, up until last week. My sister for 12 years never filed charges against her abuser. I don't know why. Well, lets get to the end. My 58 year old sister is now serving two years for his murder.
At the trial, the only person from hs family to show was his brother. He was supeanoed to speak about his brother. Too bad most of it was damaging and it even help my sister. His brother told how he was an alcoholic with a violent temper, who often used physical force. How pathetic to know that his life meant nothing, that his family or friends did not show. There's no way to help the abusive person out if they don't want help. Let them know that you are available to get them out when they are ready. My blessings go out to all abusive people. I pray that they don't end up where my eldest sister would live for the next two years.
Batter women shelters have a lot of resources, if your sister is ready to get out. They can send her and her children out of the state to another states batter women shelter if she agrees. Tell her not to worry about the house, her investment lies in her still being here to take care of her children and grand children, it might be hard to start over, but it is worth it. If theres a 211 information line in the state contact them, just pick up the phone and dial 211, you will hear a recording, follow the prompts and you will be directed to a counselor that can give you a host of resources. Tell them the situation, one day while he's at work, pack as much as she can and leave. Make sure she has important papers such as marriage license, birth certificates (for everyone with her), social security cards etc, etc. It would be best if she was sent to a shelter out of town, as you said he has threatened her life. The shelter will assist her in filing for divorce, personal needs, nursery, some financial aid, housing and becoming self sufficient again.
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Come up with a plan!
