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So I’m having issues with my boyfriend. We’ve been together about two years. I’m 19 and he is 23. There are so many things I love about him. But ive come to realize there are so many things about him that make it so difficult to progress in our relationship. First he is shy, and doesn’t talk about his feelings much. Which I understand, but when you don’t talk about them at all.. how am I ever supposed to know what you’re feeling? How are we supposed to progress? I have no idea what he wants in our future. I have no idea if he likes the way things are going in our relationship. Like I seriously have no idea. He seems happy I guess? He is a very hard person to read though. The only way we can ever talk about our feelings is if we’ve been drinking. Which is ridiculous. Yes its nice to have deep drunk conversations sometimes but if that’s the only way you can ever talk about anything..its dumb. How do I even bring any of this up to him? Like I don’t know how to randomly bring up what he wants for our future or if he even wants me in his future. Like for instance, I quit my job (It was a restaurant, and he also worked there. Only a few days a week though while I was there full time) Now I only work there on Sundays. I got a job offer working somewhere else for better money. The hours are very different though. I asked his opinion about it though and he like doesn’t even tell me what he thinks about it at all. And now ive decided to quit that job and work for my mom. And I ask him what his opinion is on that and he says he doesn’t know. Then I found out today that he tells my mom that he doesn’t know what I was thinking switching to the job with the odd hours. LIKE HE DOESN’T EVEN GIVE ANY SUPPORT? Its just so frustrating. Im at an age where im trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life and he is no help at all. I want him in my future but wtf am I supposed to do with it if he doesn’t give me an idea of what he wants? So his family owns a bar, and its in his name already and going to be passed down to him. Hes not sure if he wants to keep it though because hes not sure if he likes basically being married to the place. Plus his parents make him work there 6 nights and 4 day/nights a week. Plus he works 3 days a week at the restaurant. Its wearing him out. So we basically only have a night life together. Hes never even really taken me out on a date. I get birthday/Christmas/ and valentines day presents. Hes never surprised me with flowers or taken me out on a romantic date. He barely talks at family events. Like he gets along with my parents but hes so quiet around them. I mean hes not like that when he bartends?! Ugh im just so frustrated and don’t know what to do… And tonight I texted him asking what he was up to, figuring he was working cause he usually does on these nights but nope hes out playing bingo. Which he didn’t even tell me and when I go out without him I always let him know what im doing and which place im going to, who im with. Like he didn’t even tell me. I know hes not a liar or a cheater. I know that for sure. But why doesn’t he have that respect or support? How do I ask about this? Im so confused I love him so much but this is so frustrating? Can he become better? Is he worth it?
Paragraphs are everyone's friend.
Past that whatever issues you have about his attitude or whatever you think he is lacking are your issues and you need to decide if you want to continue to deal with him the way he is and apparently has been since you started dating him or if you want to move on and find someone else who is the way you think they should be without changing themselves for you.
It's highly unlikely you have a future as a couple.
Agreed. You got into this at 17. That's too young. It has gone nowhere in 2 years. It's not going anywhere. He doesn't want to talk about it, because there's nothing to discuss. He's taking you for granted.
It's going to be hard to accept this & move on, but it's up to you to do that.
If you go, and he comes after you, and talks, then things might change. Just be prepared, if he doesn't do that, to keep moving on.
So I’m having issues with my boyfriend. We’ve been together about two years. I’m 19 and he is 23. There are so many things I love about him. But ive come to realize there are so many things about him that make it so difficult to progress in our relationship. First he is shy, and doesn’t talk about his feelings much. Which I understand, but when you don’t talk about them at all.. how am I ever supposed to know what you’re feeling? How are we supposed to progress? I have no idea what he wants in our future. I have no idea if he likes the way things are going in our relationship. Like I seriously have no idea. He seems happy I guess? He is a very hard person to read though. The only way we can ever talk about our feelings is if we’ve been drinking. Which is ridiculous. Yes its nice to have deep drunk conversations sometimes but if that’s the only way you can ever talk about anything..its dumb. How do I even bring any of this up to him? Like I don’t know how to randomly bring up what he wants for our future or if he even wants me in his future. Like for instance, I quit my job (It was a restaurant, and he also worked there. Only a few days a week though while I was there full time) Now I only work there on Sundays. I got a job offer working somewhere else for better money. The hours are very different though. I asked his opinion about it though and he like doesn’t even tell me what he thinks about it at all. And now ive decided to quit that job and work for my mom. And I ask him what his opinion is on that and he says he doesn’t know. Then I found out today that he tells my mom that he doesn’t know what I was thinking switching to the job with the odd hours. LIKE HE DOESN’T EVEN GIVE ANY SUPPORT? Its just so frustrating. Im at an age where im trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life and he is no help at all. I want him in my future but wtf am I supposed to do with it if he doesn’t give me an idea of what he wants? So his family owns a bar, and its in his name already and going to be passed down to him. Hes not sure if he wants to keep it though because hes not sure if he likes basically being married to the place. Plus his parents make him work there 6 nights and 4 day/nights a week. Plus he works 3 days a week at the restaurant. Its wearing him out. So we basically only have a night life together. Hes never even really taken me out on a date. I get birthday/Christmas/ and valentines day presents. Hes never surprised me with flowers or taken me out on a romantic date. He barely talks at family events. Like he gets along with my parents but hes so quiet around them. I mean hes not like that when he bartends?! Ugh im just so frustrated and don’t know what to do… And tonight I texted him asking what he was up to, figuring he was working cause he usually does on these nights but nope hes out playing bingo. Which he didn’t even tell me and when I go out without him I always let him know what im doing and which place im going to, who im with. Like he didn’t even tell me. I know hes not a liar or a cheater. I know that for sure. But why doesn’t he have that respect or support? How do I ask about this? Im so confused I love him so much but this is so frustrating? Can he become better? Is he worth it?
Look, seriously....you're 19.
And while it is always possible you will eventually marry this guy and reach your 50th wedding anniversary, you just can't rush these things.
I know what you want. I know why you want it.
But you and he both have a lot of work to do in the next 5 years (at least) to finish growing up and preparing yourself for your future.
Spend your time now on planning for and working toward being the best you that you can be.
Finish your education in something so that you can support yourself.
Put your personal goals for growth and stability ahead of your desire to "have a future" with him.
Date him, have fun with him (use good birth control), even grow WITH him. Just don't make him your whole life until you've actually figured out who you really are and what you are really capable of doing to be the best you that you can be
I didn't even read the rest of your post. The title says it all.
You both are way too young to make plans. Maybe you should try and get some education instead?
That would be really good for your future....
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