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Thanks for that. I had been quite tense up until now this morning, but I can relate completely to the feeling you describe and I'm much more relaxed for reading your posts, so thank you for sharing with us. It's frosty here and very still outside. Peaceful in a different way but still peaceful.
Thanks for that. I had been quite tense up until now this morning, but I can relate completely to the feeling you describe and I'm much more relaxed for reading your posts, so thank you for sharing with us. It's frosty here and very still outside. Peaceful in a different way but still peaceful.
Deep breath. On with work...
Hello there! And yes! Good Morning....
It makes me so very happy to hear you say you are more relaxed for reading my posts... Thank you for saying that, you do not know how much it is appreciated by me, just so much.
It makes me so very happy to hear you say you are more relaxed for reading my posts... Thank you for saying that, you do not know how much it is appreciated by me, just so much.
Makes me smile... Thank you.
I think you just captured exactly how I feel sometimes - and when you get in that wonderful mood it puts silly everyday things into perspective doesn't it? So I was sitting here worrying about lots of trivial things but you just managed to put me back in that place where the sky is huge and everything makes you feel so tiny and unimportant (in a good way), and somehow you can just relax your shoulders and smile.
I was out with my camera this morning trying to capture how lovely the frost looked on the leaves, but in the end I thought no, forget the camera, just enjoy the scenery. Memory adds something to images that no camera can ever really reproduce.
Don't you wish you could bottle that feeling and let it out when you need it? Maybe I should print a couple of pages of this!
Hi Robyn, I'm enjoying reading your peaceful, joyful meditations...
Off topic, but here in the PNW we've seen lots of the sun for um....now Four Days in a row... Lol, that may be some sort of record for this time of year, though the clouds will roll in again soon. The weather is very different down here compared with where I previously lived, up near Canada.
When I went for a walk yesterday, I thought of you. This peaceful time in between the bumps in the road is refreshing, yes?
I am reading now. I am reading Where is the Love. I am a different person. So very different than then.
I read those posts of mine from the very beginning, all nicely printed out for me, and read and read. Who was that person?
I was afraid. I was in another world, so afraid of my life, so worried and scared.
I did not see the sky back then. I did not see it for all of the world being offered to me. I did not even see it at all, for a while.
I was in such a very bad place then. On July 16 was the first time I asked out loud Will I ever be loved again, and it looks to be the day I walked the track, thinking that thought. That day was my 12th wedding anniversary.
So many times I typed, I just cant do this, I cant live like this. So many days I was crying. So many days, misery in my words.
My words are not the same now, my writing is not the same.
Sometimes, I wonder if my writing throws off a depressing feeling. I wonder if people read my words, the words of me expressing what I see, and how I see,through my eyes, nature, and all it has to offer.
Then I look back to these pages of my story. I am not that person at all. I liken him to jekyll and hyde so many times. Well, it is not like that for me, I am a seperate being, a different person, not waivering back and forth. A whole new being.
It is completely unbelievable the radical change. Oh sure it took months, this change, but reading in the beginning, and knowing my now, crazy.
I cannot even believe it, but for knowing that I am the one who was living that life, typing those words. Other than that, if I put a writing of mine from then and one from now and set them next to eachother, reading each one.... I would not know they were from the same person. If I was an outsider to all of this, I would say, no.
The same person did not write these two posts. I would have no doubt in my mind that they were not from the same person, no doubt at all.
The reason I am going back, is because now I am writing, I am writing this book. I go back, to see what I will use, and I go back to see the change. I know all of my answers lie in my heart, and in all the thousands of pages here, and it will take time, is all, but I will see exactly what I need to see. I have already come across several, but there are so many many more to go through...
As the three of us ventured down the country highway the clouds were left behind us, wishing us farewell.
The early evening sky so very clear ahead, almost a periwinkle in color, the clouds that told us goodbye, the same color, but darker.
This road, it twists and it turns as it goes along. Much like my life used to do. On the right now I see a group of silver silos, and John Deere green. A John Deere tractor parked in the middle of a field ahead on the right.
A beautiful sight, the sun beginning to set upon the countryside, upon that tractor. I smiled as I passed it, the music wafting around me, the words coming from my lips. From my heart, and from my soul.
Rock Paper Scissors SHOOT! The kids deciding who will pick what is for dinner. A wins, and L graciously allows it.
We get into town and the sky is just a little darker now, when we left, the moon was so bright, and it is full tonight.
Stepping back out into the night air I look into the sky, it looks black now, with no stars, just that full moon staring at me, with a few clouds hovering around it, the clouds almost clear, as that bright silver moon illuminates them.
As we drive towards chimes, the sky is not so dark. The moon lighting our way, all the way.
Once there, I step out, and cannot help but look above me at that all giving moon. Now up the back steps of chimes we walk, bringing our things inside, and I go to the front door, to go back outside and see the view from the front of the house....
I have a need for that sky, a want, a must have for the sky. I stand in the same spot I stood this morning, but now, it is cool night air that touches my skin, brushes against my face, as I tilt my head to the heavens. My neck elongated to the sky, my hair is blowing back as I look above. The sky is not so dark here, in my small little town, not like it was back in the city area.
Here in the country I stand. I stand in the crossroads of my sidewalk there. I look at the moon and stars, the thin clouds drifting across the sky, the moon so bright shining through them , even as they try their hardest to cover it.
I look for my star, and there it is, still with the twinkle. It is winking at me, just as before.
The freedom track used to be my natures superdome, but now... now the world is my superdome. The sky.... The sun, moon, and stars; the heavens.
I am everything. I am always. I am awake. I am alive. I am free.
Will I ever be loved again? Most assuredly. If this sky can be so beautiful, we all will be loved, we all are loved. That star, it twinkles for a reason.
The sky takes me in, and I am one with it, always.
I think you just captured exactly how I feel sometimes - and when you get in that wonderful mood it puts silly everyday things into perspective doesn't it? So I was sitting here worrying about lots of trivial things but you just managed to put me back in that place where the sky is huge and everything makes you feel so tiny and unimportant (in a good way), and somehow you can just relax your shoulders and smile.
I was out with my camera this morning trying to capture how lovely the frost looked on the leaves, but in the end I thought no, forget the camera, just enjoy the scenery. Memory adds something to images that no camera can ever really reproduce.
Don't you wish you could bottle that feeling and let it out when you need it? Maybe I should print a couple of pages of this!
To capture a feeling with words is a wonderful thing, a thing I am so very happy that I am able to do in this life.
My life has allowed me this pleasure, this promise. From the pain I once had, to the joy I now have... the promise of a heart filled with love, and a soul never void.
The coffee is almost at its best, today, I am drinking chocolate velvet. That even looks good in words....
Yes, coffee is my friend. I will not go outside until I leave for work, too cold. Well, maybe a peek at the sky, it is still dark out, and that star should still be there.
Macrina... yes, these walks and meditations are wonderful.... just wonderful to behold the splendor, as I am about to take this tink mug and step outside onto my front porch, then I won't be able to stand it, and I will walk down those steps again.....
To view that welcoming sky, even if the air is cold.... even if.
The air is given to me, just like the sky, so it is my duty to welcome them both, right?
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Lol, that may be some sort of record for this time of year, though the clouds will roll in again soon. The weather is very different down here compared with where I previously lived, up near Canada.
