Have you had an affair? How did it turn out? Was it a long term relationship or a one-night stand? (married, women)
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You DO have choices. Doing nothing for your marriage is a choice.
What will happen is that the two of you will hurt not only yourselves, but his wife and your husband and any children that are involved. It won't be pretty.
Once the fun has worn off - just like it has in your marriage - then what? You will be back to square one.
If the fire is out of your marriage then put some elbow work in and recreate the fire. How would you feel if your husband cheated. How would you feel if you contracted some std from his cheating? How would you feel if someone made a fool out of you for being loyal?
I've got nothing else to say because this is wrong on both of your parts. Remember, if your affair is discovered not all parties wrong may just cry and get over it. People loose it when someone is cheating on them so be aware.
I have never had an affair. However, if you are that unhappy in your marriage than you need to leave. You deserve happiness, your husband deserves happiness, and its unfair to your husband to expect his loyalty, and continuing devotion to your marriage when you are off getting it somewhere else. Why "can't" you change the situation?
Marriage is a promise you made in front of everyone there. Is it a walk in the park? No. The fire went out? What the heck is the fire? That's bogus. You signed a contract. The end. No one cares how you feel. A commitment is a commitment.
Chris Rock said in one of his stand up routines: "You always get caught".
You WILL get caught. Tinawina hit it right on the head. There will be one slip. Hell, you can be as careful as all hell and HE may slip - forget to delete a text, an email, something stupid. And it'll open the floodgates of an insecure or jealous wife who will ask a friend of hers how to snoop. Before you know it, you may wind up getting angry phone calls from her - what if your husband picks up the phone one day?
The internet is chock full of stories (go to surviving infidelity.com and read the horror stories in the just found out section) - how spouses tried to hide their affairs and got caught. Rarely see anything about how he or she is getting away with it.
Sure, you know the guy - or do you? How do you know he's not a serial cheater? He may be carrying and STD. Explain THAT one to your H.
I've worked with people that are in affairs. It always ends, and ends badly. Some get fired. You willing to risk that?
No one will know, right? Until that one time you're having dinner with him at your secret remote location
and suddenly someone you know sees you two together. Think those odds are high? Think again - its a smaller world than you think.
Sure, go ahead, have your affair. Just be prepared to own your ****.
No one you know boasts about their sex life after 10 years? Lady - after 27 years, the wife and I still have "fantasy night" and at least once a month find a hotel out of the area to get our freak on. I'll book the room, she picks the outfit. Sometimes she'll book the room and I'll pick the outfit. We work on it together. Sounds like something you and your H should do.
Could the W and I have gotten stale and fell into a rut? Yup - actually we did - but we saw it happening and decided to do something about it instead of finding another partner. We didn't take the easy way out and fell to desires with others - we worked hard on it to make it work.
You wanna ruin your life? Go ahead. I'm just telling you there are other options. If it worked for us, it can work for anyone.
Thank you for the replies...To be clear. I am in a corporate attorney. Husband is an investment banker. On the outside, we have all the trappings and appearances of a happy, successful life and marriage.
I don't even want to think about the expense and bull**** a divorce would require. Also, as someone pointed out, how I am going to see my Mr. Right again. Without divulging too much info, he lives/works in Chicago and I have a client there. Do I really need face to face time? Probably not = Skype would suffice but I want to see this man. I want to feel the heat, the passion and dare I say I say it, the romance.
Someone pointed out, how can I man "sweep me off my feet" so quickly?' You know what - the flowers were a nice touch, the romance, being wined and dined without having to plan for it all. It's been nice just being appreciated as a WOMAN. It was really nice.
No, I don't have children. So that is not an issue. Do I love my husband? Of course I do, but at 40 I am realizing I am not DEAD. Hate me if you must, but understand, that LACK OF ATTENTION, LACK OF SEX!!!! has a consequence.
Someone pointed out, how can I man "sweep me off my feet" so quickly?' You know what - the flowers were a nice touch, the romance, being wined and dined without having to plan for it all. It's been nice just being appreciated as a WOMAN. It was really nice.
The funny (and sad) thing is, he probably doesn't do those things for his wife. It's more exciting to do them for you because you're not his spouse.
Quote:
Do I love my husband? Of course I do, but at 40 I am realizing I am not DEAD.
Thank you for the replies...To be clear. I am in a corporate attorney. Husband is an investment banker. On the outside, we have all the trappings and appearances of a happy, successful life and marriage.
I don't even want to think about the expense and bull**** a divorce would require. Also, as someone pointed out, how I am going to see my Mr. Right again. Without divulging too much info, he lives/works in Chicago and I have a client there. Do I really need face to face time? Probably not = Skype would suffice but I want to see this man. I want to feel the heat, the passion and dare I say I say it, the romance.
Someone pointed out, how can I man "sweep me off my feet" so quickly?' You know what - the flowers were a nice touch, the romance, being wined and dined without having to plan for it all. It's been nice just being appreciated as a WOMAN. It was really nice.
No, I don't have children. So that is not an issue. Do I love my husband? Of course I do, but at 40 I am realizing I am not DEAD. Hate me if you must, but understand, that LACK OF ATTENTION, LACK OF SEX!!!! has a consequence.
So all this passion and romance you desperately need aren't worth the expense and BS of a divorce?
You have no children so the only expense and BS are what you and your husband bring to the divorce table.
If you love your husband like you say you do then fix it or get a divorce.
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