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There's this person I've been dating for a while, he's been very, very kind to me.
Here are the facts:
I've been on a date with him 5 times within 10 days.
We kissed, hugged and always hold hands in public from day one.
We always chat and send pictures of each other on Facebook (no nude pics)
We never had sex, although he admitted that he does wish to be with me in bed.
He's the one who always arranges the dates and pays for them (because he wants to be a gentleman (so he says)).
He changed his profile picture on Facebook of a picture of me and him and even tagged me on it,
We spoke about relationship from the beginning and he made it clear that he's more into a serious relationship and wouldn't want to waste time being with someone who doesn't want to be in one.
Today he asked me whether it would be ok for him to book a night at a hotel where we could cuddle and watch tv. I know exactly that it will lead to sex. The thing is I'm scared that he will abandon me after we had sex and I don't want to do anything that will ruin things for us.
I've never been treated so nicely by any other man and I really enjoy being with him.
I'm afraid that he won't contact me anymore after having sex, guys normally have sex with me and then never call me .
And I'm also afraid that if I do refuse that he'll find someone else. That's why I've been meeting him in public places where there's no bed.
Wait til you are married and wait till he puts a ring on your finger, its a set up how many times have you been thu this and when will you learn after only ten days and you plan on having sex no way if i was a man i sure wud think you were ((easy)) and a few other things i am speaking to you strong because i care an i don't want you to make the same mistake ...don't even go to that motel girl are you will be in tears later.........like they say why should a man buy the cow when he is getting all the sex free (milk) do not have sex with him a man can not tell if he really wants to be with you after only 10 day come on be smarter than that he is trying to get his rocks off like the ret of them if he really love you he will wait if he is only trying to get his rocks off he will go and let him go you are more valuable than that so you have to act that way. If he wants to leave cause you won't act like a 2 dollar hooker then there is more fish (men) in the sea............
It sounds like he already has his mind made up (possibly barring that first bedspin) about your "relationship" while you are not yet certain. There's more to a successful pairing than him being "very, very kind" to you. Compatibility, goals, differences on major issues..... I'd get that stuff out of the way before you decide on intimacy. Some women are fine with throwing sex into dating, almost from the beginning. It sounds as if you are not.
If you become intimate right at the beginning and are not comfortable with that, it may color your view of the relationship.
If it was me? I'd say "no" to the sex and put a wider space between the dates. 5 times in 10 days - it sounds like you've been dropped into a blender and spun around, not being given time to actually think about the future. If the guy really wants a future with you, he'll agree to work on it.
If he were truly a gentleman and interested in a real relationship, he wouldn't be asking you to get a hotel room with him after 5 dates in 10 days. Sounds like he might have a wife to me. If you are hopping into bed with guys you barely know, you can't expect that you are the girl they would want to take home to mother - marry. There are too many women ready, willing and able to provide sex so having sex will not be a way to hold onto this guy. I would be offended. I think he has a wife, probably kids but I do believe he does want to have sex with you and he probably figures that by picking up the tab on the dates that you owe it to him.
Tell him you have taken a oath of chastity and can't have sex until you are married but that you really like him and want to continue with the relationship. If he stays, he is keeper and if not, you have lost nothing. You can always change your mind about having sex later IF the relationship is what you want and need. I still wife and kids at home. Hotel is tacky!
I can completely understand that he wants to have sex with you now, he is a man after all. From what you are describing, he is really interested in you and isn't going to "pump and dump" you either. If you aren't ready to be intimate that is understandable too, but if things don't escalate sexually (oral, digital, etc) soon he may think you aren't sexually attracted to him. Men want to be sexually desired by their partners so delaying by too much time comes with risks.
My only question is why a hotel? Is there a practical reason for suggesting one?
And I'm also afraid that if I do refuse that he'll find someone else. That's why I've been meeting him in public places where there's no bed.
How old is he?
How old are you?
What's his educational background?
What's his current job/career?
What's his ethnicity and cultural background?
The answers to the above questions do not paint a whole picture of what he is all about since we don't know him personally, but it does allow us to give a educated guess as to his intentions and having a much higher chance of getting it right.
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