A few questions (and maybe red flags) (dating, girlfriend, how to)
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I’ll start with the good … I’m still seeing the guy, and for all intents and purposes, things have been great. We’ve been on 3 more dates since my last post, and have another one tonight. He went on a short trip 2 weeks ago, and we saw each other twice before he left. Then, he called me again the day after he got back and we went out a couple nights later. I heard from him again this past Monday, and we made plans to go out for dinner tonight (Wednesday). He’s been kind, responsive and classy about the whole “dating” process, and we always have a great time when we’re together.
So, I shouldn’t be worried, right? But (as you can probably tell from reading my last post) I’m still a little flipped out...
Thing is, ever since he got back from his trip, he’s been “busy” on the weekends. I don’t mind going out on weeknights, but we have to keep the dates relatively short, since we both have to work the next day. I’d love to be able to go out with him on a Friday or Saturday night, so we could spend more time together, but he’s been “booked” the last two weekends, and again this coming weekend.
I’m telling myself not to worry about it - the guy has a busy life and lots of friends - but it’s kind of bugging me and raising a couple of red flags. So, I figured I’d head back to the C-D forums to get some other people’s opinions on a couple questions going through my mind...
1.) We met a month ago and tonight will be our 6th date. I’m feeling like it might still be too soon to bring up the “What do you want?” discussion. Am I right? Thing is, I still can’t get a read off this guy as far as what he really wants. (He doesn't strike me as a player, but maybe he really likes being single...) Should I bring it up, or let it be for now?
2.) He’s told me that the last couple weekends, he’s had “plans with friends.” From what he’s told me, his group of friends sound like a fun bunch, and I’d love to meet them. So, I’m wondering, how long does it usually take a guy to introduce a woman to his friends? Is a month too soon for that? I don’t want to pressure him about it, but I’d like it if he started including me in some of his group activities as well as one-on-one dates.
3.) Finally, should I REALLY be worried about him being busy the last couple of weekends? Does this sound like a red flag? Or, once again, am I overthinking it?
Did you see him at all those two weekends? If not, then he ain't into you that much. However, 6 weeks is a long time if he just wants a physical relationship. I will introduce girls to my friends on the first date. Might as well break her in the hard way and see if she survives.
Man-time and woman-time are so different in dating - especially if things are going well, you don't want to scare him off with any insecurities.
It's far, far, far too soon to expect anything from this other than getting to know each other and having fun.
Take a breath and if you feel the urge to push the issues...count to 10 and think "Is this going to make me seem like I have nothing in my life but this guy?". Appearing/being too eager is a big turn off, for either sex (well, unless it's just sex...)
Please hold off and just continue to enjoy the company. Just my suggestion - I do not see any red flags here right now, however, given another month, you ought to be his Saturday girl. All guys seem to place their most important dates on Saturdays, in my experience.
If he doesn't take it up a level, then you need to start to be less available and less responsive. Most men can't stand to be ignored, but please don't let yourself be in a place where you are taken for granted; not much of a challenge for him then, so he will put less and less effort into trying to see you, because well, there you are.
His actions will dictate his interest in you and I hate to say it, but no amount of talking will change that and if you don't get the answer you want, you'll be hurting from the expectation of what you'd hoped would happen/how he "should" feel.
If you lessen your availability and he responds less too, then you have an answer without much drama.
Seems like he's being cautious, and that's wise. I don't see a problem, so relax and watch how things develop.
6 dates is enough to explore their intentions, you can casually ask what he expect from this relationship, if he frightened, then it is not worth continuing with him.
The biggest mistakes I've made in dating were having too many expectations too soon and spending too much time analyzing how things were going. You've had six dates...that isn't all that many really. It sounds like he's pretty consistently making time for you but he isn't yet at that point where he wants to spend all his weekends with you. He's living his life like normal and you should be too. Go out with your friends, plan something else to do, it is a HUGE mistake sitting around waiting for this guy to ask to see you. Live your life, make plans, and if he asks you to do something and you're already busy then continue on with your plans - he should have asked you sooner.
Seriously I cannot tell you how many times I started seeing a guy and made myself totally miserable because I was analyzing everything he said and did and wondering if things were going to work out and why hadn't he done this or why did he say that...you will drive yourself crazy and you will suck all the fun out of dating and getting to know someone. I know how hard it is when you meet someone you really like but please try to dial it back! And for some reason even if a guy really likes you if he thinks you want to be serious too fast or you start bringing up meeting friends it will probably make him back off. I would definitely NOT ask him where this is going.
Please try to relax! If in a few more months you haven't met his friends, he's busy every weekend, and you have no idea where you stand, then yes you may need to reevaluate if you guys want the same things out of this relationship. But I don't think you're there yet.
Man-time and woman-time are so different in dating - especially if things are going well, you don't want to scare him off with any insecurities.
It's far, far, far too soon to expect anything from this other than getting to know each other and having fun.
Take a breath and if you feel the urge to push the issues...count to 10 and think "Is this going to make me seem like I have nothing in my life but this guy?". Appearing/being too eager is a big turn off, for either sex (well, unless it's just sex...)
Please hold off and just continue to enjoy the company. Just my suggestion - I do not see any red flags here right now, however, given another month, you ought to be his Saturday girl. All guys seem to place their most important dates on Saturdays, in my experience.
If he doesn't take it up a level, then you need to start to be less available and less responsive. Most men can't stand to be ignored, but please don't let yourself be in a place where you are taken for granted; not much of a challenge for him then, so he will put less and less effort into trying to see you, because well, there you are.
His actions will dictate his interest in you and I hate to say it, but no amount of talking will change that and if you don't get the answer you want, you'll be hurting from the expectation of what you'd hoped would happen/how he "should" feel.
If you lessen your availability and he responds less too, then you have an answer without much drama.
Seems like he's being cautious, and that's wise. I don't see a problem, so relax and watch how things develop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
The biggest mistakes I've made in dating were having too many expectations too soon and spending too much time analyzing how things were going. You've had six dates...that isn't all that many really. It sounds like he's pretty consistently making time for you but he isn't yet at that point where he wants to spend all his weekends with you. He's living his life like normal and you should be too. Go out with your friends, plan something else to do, it is a HUGE mistake sitting around waiting for this guy to ask to see you. Live your life, make plans, and if he asks you to do something and you're already busy then continue on with your plans - he should have asked you sooner.
Seriously I cannot tell you how many times I started seeing a guy and made myself totally miserable because I was analyzing everything he said and did and wondering if things were going to work out and why hadn't he done this or why did he say that...you will drive yourself crazy and you will suck all the fun out of dating and getting to know someone. I know how hard it is when you meet someone you really like but please try to dial it back! And for some reason even if a guy really likes you if he thinks you want to be serious too fast or you start bringing up meeting friends it will probably make him back off. I would definitely NOT ask him where this is going.
Please try to relax! If in a few more months you haven't met his friends, he's busy every weekend, and you have no idea where you stand, then yes you may need to reevaluate if you guys want the same things out of this relationship. But I don't think you're there yet.
Thanks everyone, especially FreeSpirited and strawberrykiki. I know I'm overthinking things (as I always tend to do) it's just maddening when you meet someone you really, really, REALLY like, and you want to know where you stand with them.
I've tried really hard to "play it cool" with this guy. Other than asking him once if he wanted to get together before his trip, I haven't initiated any of our dates. I don't bug him or even contact him much, except for an occasional text message. And I definitely haven't brought up any "serious" stuff yet... as much as I'd like to...
Anyway, last night's date went awesome... and I tried to give him some subtle hints and signals letting him know I'm really into him. He put his arm around me while we were walking to the restaurant, so I gave him a quick smooch on the cheek and said, "You know what? I like you!" (Dorky, I know, but I was going for cute and quirky ) After dinner, we went back to his place and ended up just cuddling on the couch watching TV ... kind of "couple-like" I suppose ...
Honestly, based on our interactions the last few dates, I'm getting the sense that he's really just kind of an awkward, nerdy guy (just like I'm kind of an awkward, nerdy girl) who hasn't had a girlfriend in awhile and isn't sure how to act around someone new. Basically, I get the feeling we're in the same situation, and neither of us want to be too quick to act on it and possibly get burned. At any rate, that's what I'm going to tell myself ... and like you all said, just enjoy it for what it is and let things happen naturally ...
Treat him well, expect the same in return - have fun getting to know each other. There is no hurry in rushing things, except internal insecurities that make us wonder "will he get into someone else if I don't lock him down?" - we all know that doesn't work
What sometimes happens is an imbalance in the interest level and this fluctuates, too but it's whether you end the dates feeling good or not. Postive interactions beget more positive interactions.
I had a guy that was always questioning how much did I love him, was I really serious, et al and it turned out he needed this re-assurance so often, I lost interest. Thankfully, my gut was right and he was *so* wrong.
It may or may not go anywhere...all relationships are a mirror: what do you want reflected back to you? This is something to keep in mind, I believe.
P.S. I still make this mistake and I can say "I'm honest" or "I'm passionate" but I'm OK holding out for the guy that can handle it; your guy seems to be measured and cautious and that's pretty cool if you're cool with it.
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I suggest slow down a bit
) After dinner, we went back to his place and ended up just cuddling on the couch watching TV ... kind of "couple-like" I suppose ... 
