Leave him or stay???????? (date, boyfriend, marriage, woman)
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I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The beginning of the year it was very sweet, then went sour. Well, like a dumb butt, I stayed in the relationship because he was going thru personal issues. Well, we passed all that and things began to get better again. Now, I'm at the point were I want to marry this man, but it seems to me he doesn't want to marry me. He tell me he wants a woman who is family oriented, who will have his back, who will love him unconditionally. Of course, I'm all of that, but he still doesn't see that and he doesn't want to break up with me. What should i do? Leave him or stay with him?
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The beginning of the year it was very sweet, then went sour. Well, like a dumb butt, I stayed in the relationship because he was going thru personal issues. Well, we passed all that and things began to get better again. Now, I'm at the point were I want to marry this man, but it seems to me he doesn't want to marry me. He tell me he wants a woman who is family oriented, who will have his back, who will love him unconditionally. Of course, I'm all of that, but he still doesn't see that and he doesn't want to break up with me. What should i do? Leave him or stay with him?
He wants to break up with you. Why is he saying he WANTS to. Why hasn't he DONE it. If the got off the pot, then you woudl not have to worry about it. The choice would be taken out of your hands. I, personally, would not want to be with someone who did not want to be with me.
The choice to leave or stay is YOURS AND YOURS ALONE.
You are so right CSD610, It is my decision, but i don't want to make the wrong decision. I know you and everyone else can't help me, but its nice to get some advice about the situation.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The beginning of the year it was very sweet, then went sour. Well, like a dumb butt, I stayed in the relationship because he was going thru personal issues. Well, we passed all that and things began to get better again. Now, I'm at the point were I want to marry this man, but it seems to me he doesn't want to marry me. He tell me he wants a woman who is family oriented, who will have his back, who will love him unconditionally. Of course, I'm all of that, but he still doesn't see that and he doesn't want to break up with me. What should i do? Leave him or stay with him?
He has already left the relationship.
He doesn't want to break up with you because he hasn't found someone else he likes better, and figures that you can entertain him until she does come along.
What does your heart tell you to do?
I have to ask this question: why have you been afraid to discuss your thoughts about marriage prior to the 5 years you've been in this relationship? Why haven't you thrown a hint earlier like "I very much look forward to being married with children someday." or something along those lines.
The decision is yours but I caution you from "going along with the program" rather than sharing what you would like and having a time clock in her head. You don't want to look up and 8 years later with 3 kids you still have no ring in sight and now you will be angry that you wasted your time and are now in a situation where it's harder to leave and start fresh.
Steve Harvey said: He hasn't proposed because you haven't required him to.
@hatgirl007,
I did speak to him about marriage a couple of years ago, he told me he wasn't ready. I brought up the marriage again few months ago and he told me we will set a date next year 2013. I really don't know what to think about that. Maybe RockJock1729 is right.
"He tell me he wants a woman who is family oriented, who will have his back, who will love him unconditionally."
Unconditional love is something parents give to their children. It is not something that has a place in a relationship between two equal adults.
If he doesn't know if he wants to marry you after 5 years, it's not going to change. Leave. He's acting like a child, and he wants a mommy, not a partner.
[quote=hatgirl007;25843041]What does your heart tell you to do?
I have to ask this question: why have you been afraid to discuss your thoughts about marriage prior to the 5 years you've been in this relationship? Why haven't you thrown a hint earlier like "I very much look forward to being married with children someday." or something along those lines.
The decision is yours but I caution you from "going along with the program" rather than sharing what you would like and having a time clock in her head. You don't want to look up and 8 years later with 3 kids you still have no ring in sight and now you will be angry that you wasted your time and are now in a situation where it's harder to leave and start fresh. Steve Harvey said: He hasn't proposed because you haven't required him to.[/quote]
^^^^ I vary much agree.... 5 years, what is he waiting for?! That is PLENTY of time to KNOW if you can commit the rest of your life to your SO. I think a major sit down conversation needs to happen, lay it out for him; your wants, desires, needs, the reasons behind it all and a time frame. Ask for his as well, if he clams up and won't openly communicate then you have your answer, a marriage won't last without great & constant communication. Regardless you will have a sure-fire answer after the "sit down".
I was always told don't go over a year without talking about future plans, and 2-3 years is PLENTY of time for those plans to start rollin into place. Regardless of your feelings(b/c you see & want a future with him/love him/ready to marry him), you must look at the facts instead, you don't want somebody to marry you b/c they feel pressured or like it's "just the next step"....You want to marry somebody that wants to marry you just as much!!
Best wishes to you!!
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Leave him or stay?????
