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So those of you that know my postings realize that I am pretty cynical and kind of believe everyone is out to get me when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.
But something weird happened in the last few weeks and I met someone. We seem to be very much into each other, but in the back of my mind I'm always skeptical. He's very busy for various reasons (that are legit, I just don't want to post here), and I understand that. I'm not as busy so I have lots of time to think stupid thoughts.
My problem is that I really need to get past the fact that I feel like he's got some sort of upper hand on me. How on earth do I stop my brain from thinking that just because he doesn't respond to me on whatever, that doesnt automatically mean he doesn't want to talk to me anymore? How do I get around feeling like that he's going to drop me like a hot potato the minute he sees another girl? And how do I feel like I'm not being a bother when I'm trying to talk to him a lot ... I.e texting random things? Oh and I don't have a lick of patience for anything....
Basically, what's the best way to stop feeling like a moronic 12 year old when I'm thinking about him, and,more importantly, not act it out toward him? Any tips for dysfunctional me? I'd like to keep him around, when he's around, and not scare him off...
So those of you that know my postings realize that I am pretty cynical and kind of believe everyone is out to get me when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.
But something weird happened in the last few weeks and I met someone. We seem to be very much into each other, but in the back of my mind I'm always skeptical. He's very busy for various reasons (that are legit, I just don't want to post here), and I understand that. I'm not as busy so I have lots of time to think stupid thoughts.
My problem is that I really need to get past the fact that I feel like he's got some sort of upper hand on me. How on earth do I stop my brain from thinking that just because he doesn't respond to me on whatever, that doesnt automatically mean he doesn't want to talk to me anymore? How do I get around feeling like that he's going to drop me like a hot potato the minute he sees another girl? And how do I feel like I'm not being a bother when I'm trying to talk to him a lot ... I.e texting random things? Oh and I don't have a lick of patience for anything....
Basically, what's the best way to stop feeling like a moronic 12 year old when I'm thinking about him, and,more importantly, not act it out toward him? Any tips for dysfunctional me? I'd like to keep him around, when he's around, and not scare him off...
Keep busy and do something. Hobbies or socializing with friends.
Seems like not only would that take your mind off of his supposed 'upper-hand', but it would even out the relationship more by showing him that you have your own life, and a lot 'going on'...
You need to concentrate on believing that you don't need a man to validate who you are as a women...you need to believe that YOU are great on your own.
There is a reason why you are cynical. You were likely hurt in the past and that is why you are now the way you are. It is not right or wrong, just the consequence of going through some life experiences.
Secondly, you can't just make yourself stop feeling insecure or assigning false motives to your boyfriend. Sometimes our feelings are right, our intuition is telling us something is wrong. Other times, our feelings are tinged with paranoia which prevents us from seeing things objectively. One way to just sort out things is to communicate, ask your boyfriend if he feels you are bothersome or communicate too much and then watch his actions. If he says "No", but then ignores your texts or doesn't answer for hours, then he might really be bothered.
Lastly, remember that you can't make a man love/stay with you. If he wants to, he will. If he doesn't, nothing you do/don't do will. So try to relax.
I have seen psychotic, angry women get married to men who love them. There is someone for everyone.
Keep busy and do something. Hobbies or socializing with friends.
Seems like not only would that take your mind off of his supposed 'upper-hand', but it would even out the relationship more by showing him that you have your own life, and a lot 'going on'...
True. I'm still trying to get settled in here and frankly I can't find anything I want to do. Going shopping every weekend is not a legit hobby lol. I really only came here for work, and this situation has thrown a dangerous curve ball considering I could probably turn around and go back home at any point when I get fed up here.
There is a reason why you are cynical. You were likely hurt in the past and that is why you are now the way you are. It is not right or wrong, just the consequence of going through some life experiences.
Secondly, you can't just make yourself stop feeling insecure or assigning false motives to your boyfriend. Sometimes our feelings are right, our intuition is telling us something is wrong. Other times, our feelings are tinged with paranoia which prevents us from seeing things objectively. One way to just sort out things is to communicate, ask your boyfriend if he feels you are bothersome or communicate too much and then watch his actions. If he says "No", but then ignores your texts or doesn't answer for hours, then he might really be bothered.
Lastly, remember that you can't make a man love/stay with you. If he wants to, he will. If he doesn't, nothing you do/don't do will. So try to relax.
I have seen psychotic, angry women get married to men who love them. There is someone for everyone.
There are all very good points. I'm just so used to not being wanted that its just easier for me when that's the case.
Regarding affairrs of the heart, I'm certainly no expert. But I have, through the years, acquired a certain effervescent and expedient way to facilitate the hearts hearty desires.
However, I still prefer my wise old Grandpa's advice given years ago...."When love comes knockin' at your hearts door, look through the peep-hole before ya answer it."
I think you need to be a queen in your head. Don't think of him as having the upper hand. What he says and does doesn't validate whether you're pretty enough or good enough. I agree with Jobaba that you do need to take a break from always thinking about him by doing things that you enjoy. You have friends, right? Hang out. Do yoga. You should have a life that doesn't stop just cuz this guy showed interest.
And if it seems that he's always "busy," don't keep texting, calling. That means he's not 100% there and you can find someone else who will be. Know your worth and be confident, girl!
I felt this way when I first started dating my husband..i had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and most of my prior romances were with guys who deceived me in some way or another,,,so i was ALWAYS skeptical..
I did not wanto scare him off or let my paranoia get the best of me, so what helped me a lot was to keep busy with work, friends, social life..and also keep a diary..anytime I felt like his calls were short or not often during the week, I would vent about it to my online blog (anonymous). Some of the comments from other bloggers kept me sane and reinforced the fact that I was being paranoid..
As it turned out, my husband (then boyfriend) was working a lot of overtime and busy with work, and unbeknownst to me at the time, he was usually helping out his mom with stuff in her home...the closer we got, the less insecure I became..
So give it time..love grows over time...
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