Issues of Control in a Relationship (married, woman, young, personality)
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Have you ever been, or are you now, in or subject to control in a relationship?
Sure, there are “control freaks” that have the desire or the need to control their SO. There are also those whose predilection is to be controlled. Often they find each other and live happily ever after, but not often enough.
I was talking last night with a lady who is married to a biker (affiliation shall remain anonymous) and although I know her to be a strong and independent woman on her own, she jumps when he talks. Last night's weather was nasty here – we had freezing rain and sleet which quickly gummed-up the roads. Business was way off and we were closing early, but evidently not early enough for this lady's husband.
Thing is, she doesn't drive. In fact, she lives a 5-minute walk from the club. OK, he was concerned about her slipping, but come on – she's a dancer; she has excellent balance and motor responses. She's young and healthy and this is actually a good neighborhood. But when he called and told her COME HOME NOW!, she all but tripped over her own feet getting changed out of her costume and into her street clothes.
I understand that the biker culture has its own rules. I've also known enough bikers to realize that they, like any other group of people, vary greatly, from the highly moral to the absolutely despicable. But I thought that this was definitely a control issue display.
As always, balance is what should be sought; control at times, relinquish it at others. Some things we can NOT control – it is said that time and tide wait for no man – nor do I think that we SHOULD be capable of controlling everything.
Like any other aspect of a relationship I believe that a certain amount of give-and-take is the norm, and that one personality may naturally be the dominant one. That's fine, but I also wonder how many are in such relationships unwillingly...
So my question is, have you ever been accused of being too “controlling”? Or have you been told “Get out of that relationship – you're being controlled!”?
Have you ever been, or are you now, in or subject to control in a relationship?
of course.
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my question is, have you ever been accused of being too “controlling”? Or have you been told “Get out of that relationship – you're being controlled!”?
No, neither of these. In particular, i don't get along with people who are compelled to tell me what to do.
i am allergic to controlling people. i usually spot them first, and avoid them.
Would that change if it were a work relationship - say your boss is a control freak; how do you deal with that, when you really cannot avoid them?
yea, i avoid jobs where i think the person (or place) is controlling. you try to hash these things out in the interview if you can. otherwise, yeah, it has made an impact on my comings and goings in past jobs. Good talk, Sifu. I have to go.
My situation lasted 9 months. She even cut my salary.... but then the day I quit she offered me the money back. I say no thanks. Now I am making so much more money with a normal boss.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Yeah, the subject of "control" between partners is a very interesting one. I just wouldn't use how a "biker" and a "dancer" (in a "club") get along, as the most "representative" examples.
BTW, one source of control that's not often mentioned, is "passive aggression", where someone doesn't overtly fight or resist whenever they might be pi$$ed off, but instead they just sorta don't "cooperate".... it's "control" alright, but very sneaky!
Yeah, the subject of "control" between partners is a very interesting one. I just wouldn't use how a "biker" and a "dancer" (in a "club") get along, as the most "representative" examples.
Be that as it may, it gave me the idea for the article.
Quote:
BTW, one source of control that's not often mentioned, is "passive aggression", where someone doesn't overtly fight or resist whenever they might be pi$$ed off, but instead they just sorta don't "cooperate".... it's "control" alright, but very sneaky!
So Gandhi was a passive/aggressive control freak?
Or do you mean like in a situation such as when you resent doing a job and you simply don't give it your "all"?
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