Dearest Ex: Please stop breaking your heart (marriage, guy, love)
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How many ways, how many times do we need to say goodbye? We have been divorced for two years and still you find reasons to text, email and call me with your pain thinly disguised. You need to move on. I am sure your BF who adores you would can your ass if he knew what you were up to.
I wish things worked out for us but we tried and it did not. You told me I did not love my family yet it was you who was disrespectful and dismissive of their company and generosity, love and advice. You told me I did not love your family yet it was you who I gave every opportunity to take care of them, do errands for them and essentially live for them while I supported us. When I suggested your actions impacted our security or household cohesion you were indignant and called me selfish. It was you who laughed in my face when I wanted some reciprocity, when I said I needed some down time, when I needed whatever I needed you said 'suck it up'. You would say "I can't" when you meant, really "I won't" .
When I asked you to get a full-time job, you told me you would on your own schedule, not mine. I never did get a copy of that schedule. And you still don't work full-time. When I made a nice life for us instead of you contributing, you asked me what else I could do for you. You never made me breakfast, no once, ever in our 18 years together. You never did because you never went out of your way for anyone, not even yourself. You were always late, always avoiding social commitments, always handing me the poop end of the stick. That gets old. You did whatever was easiest for you and made me sweat the details, make the money, take the lead, take the hits, be the guy with the guts who always had to, in your words, suck it up. Pretty easy to say for someone who was nearly 100% dependent on me for your lifestyle and well being. You selfish, thoughtless *****.
I don't miss you. Not for a minute. I don't miss the complaining that you needed the A/C on high 24/7 or you were doing "my" laundry or that I would ponder your credit card spending and try to tell you how we needed to reign it in. And how you howled when I told you to stop with the $200 haircuts and your dinners out with your pals afterwards. I worked all day to make that money and you'd scold me for thinking somehow it wasn't my place to ask you to be more conservative. And the day I got out of the hospital after not eating for over 30 hours, where was my coffee and a muffin, or a bagel or SOMETHING to show me you actually cared about me, that you actually thought about me? And the jewelery I bought you in town - that you made me return and bring you the receipt so you could pick something for yourself. What ever happened to 'thank you'? Whatever happened to 'how sweet'? How about "honey, you're right! how can I make it up to you?"
But that's all over. I don't care. I made my choice to leave you because you made the choices you did while we were together. Bad choices. Selfish choices. Short-sighted, childish choices.
No matter what I did or how hard I worked for US, everything you did was for you. Then I got wise. I said things had to change, you needed to grow up. You said no. I said you better wise up; you laughed in my face. You hurt me. You took advantage of me. You walked all over me. You took me for a fool. You took me for a ride. Somehow I adored you and loved you for all time but all you did was take and take some more, insult me, disrespect me and complain about nearly everything I did - that somehow it was all wrong - the way I remodeled that bathroom or the new heating system - I was just a big idiot. You said you hated that I wanted you to change - perhaps change is necessary when all you do is what is best for you and your husband is a paycheck, a doormat, a fool. It was a marriage of convenience - yours. I lost my faith in you, to do the right thing for US. To care about US. It was all about you. So being single should suit you fine.
And I know you got fired from that last job (you lied to me - again!) for being uncooperative, full of lame excuses, disrespectful to your manager, late for appointments...just like your marriage. There is only so much people can take before they decide you can be replaced.
I don't need to say goodbye anymore.
My heart is healed, my life is better - way better, beyond my wildest dreams.
Please stop sending me texts, emails, leaving me messages when you know I am out - I know what the delete key is for and I use it all the time. Stop hurting yourself. When I asked you to meet me half-way, grow-up, act like an adult, be my friend, pull your weight, you always said no. I bet you wish you had said yes and I am sorry you have regrets but they are of your own making. You made me stop loving you because of your selfish, lazy, harsh and uncaring ways. Stop thinking there is a road back, stop looking behind and stop regretting the great life you once knew. It was hell for me. That's why I left. I don't want you in my life anymore, at all, in any way. We can't be friends. Friendship is part of marriage and you were not even my friend. You would not listen then and you still won't hear me now but I am out of words for you. I have said all there is to say.
How many ways, how many times do we need to say goodbye? We have been divorced for two years and still you find reasons to text, email and call me with your pain thinly disguised. You need to move on. I am sure your BF who adores you would can your ass if he knew what you were up to.
I wish things worked out for us but we tried and it did not. You told me I did not love my family yet it was you who was disrespectful and dismissive of their company and generosity, love and advice. You told me I did not love your family yet it was you who I gave every opportunity to take care of them, do errands for them and essentially live for them while I supported us. When I suggested your actions impacted our security or household cohesion you were indignant and called me selfish. It was you who laughed in my face when I wanted some reciprocity, when I said I needed some down time, when I needed whatever I needed you said 'suck it up'. You would say "I can't" when you meant, really "I won't" .
When I asked you to get a full-time job, you told me you would on your own schedule, not mine. I never did get a copy of that schedule. And you still don't work full-time. When I made a nice life for us instead of you contributing, you asked me what else I could do for you. You never made me breakfast, no once, ever in our 18 years together. You never did because you never went out of your way for anyone, not even yourself. You were always late, always avoiding social commitments, always handing me the poop end of the stick. That gets old. You did whatever was easiest for you and made me sweat the details, make the money, take the lead, take the hits, be the guy with the guts who always had to, in your words, suck it up. Pretty easy to say for someone who was nearly 100% dependent on me for your lifestyle and well being. You selfish, thoughtless *****.
I don't miss you. Not for a minute. I don't miss the complaining that you didn't like the A/C on high 24/7 or doing "my" laundry or that I would ponder your credit card spending and try to tell you how we needed to reign it in. And how you howled when I told you to stop with the $200 haircuts and your dinners out with your pals afterwards. I worked all day to make that money and you'd scold me for thinking somehow it wasn't my place to ask you to be more conservative. And the day I got out of the hospital after not eating for over 30 hours, where was my coffee and a muffin, or a bagel or SOMETHING to show me you actually cared about me, that you actually thought about me? And the jewelery I bought you in town - that you made me return and bring you the receipt so you could pick something for yourself. What ever happened to 'thank you'? Whatever happened to 'how sweet'? How about "honey, you're right! how can I make it up to you?"
But that's all over. I don't care. I made my choice to leave you because you made the choices you did while we were together. Bad choices. Selfish choices. Short-sighted, childish choices.
No matter what I did or how hard I worked for US, everything you did was for you. Then I got wise. I said things had to change, you needed to grow up. You said no. I said you better wise up; you laughed in my face. You hurt me. You took advantage of me. You walked all over me. You took me for a fool. You took me for a ride. Somehow I adored you and loved you for all time but all you did was take and take some more, insult me, disrespect me and complain about nearly everything I did - that somehow it was all wrong - the way I remodeled that bathroom or the new heating system - I was just a big idiot. You said you hated that I wanted you to change - perhaps change is necessary when all you do is what is best for you and your husband is a paycheck, a doormat, a fool. It was a marriage of convenience - yours. I lost my faith in you, to do the right thing for US. To care about US. It was all about you. So being single should suit you fine.
And I know you got fired from that last job (you lied to me - again!) for being uncooperative, full of lame excuses, disrespectful to your manager, late for appointments...just like your marriage. There is only so much people can take before they decide you can be replaced.
I don't need to say goodbye anymore.
My heart is healed, my life is better - way better, beyond my wildest dreams.
Please stop sending me texts, emails, leaving me messages when you know I am out - I know what the delete key is for and I use it all the time. Stop hurting yourself. When I asked you to meet me half-way, grow-up, act like an adult, be my friend, pull your weight, you always said no. I bet you wish you had said yes and I am sorry you have regrets but they are of your own making. You made me stop loving you because of your selfish, lazy, harsh and uncaring ways. Stop thinking there is a road back, stop looking behind and stop regretting the great life you once knew. It was hell for me. That's why I left. I don't want you in my life anymore, at all, in any way. We can't be friends. Friendship is part of marriage and you were not even my friend. You would not listen then and you still won't hear me now but I am out of words for you. I have said all there is to say.
Except one more thing: Please leave me alone.
Well put... I could cut and paste this and send this to my ex... me and you must have been married to the same person...
Change your cell phone number and create a new email address. Don't give her the new info. Or, you can pay a few bucks extra each month and block calls from people (this is true for Verizon - not sure about other carriers).
You didn't mention anything about sharing children, so my assumption is that you do not. So you should be able to walk away and never look back again.
Last edited by redjan1225; 08-24-2010 at 03:37 PM..
Reason: I need to learn how to spell
I'm sorry that you had to go through this for so many years. But, I commend you for finally being honest about the situation and moving on with your life. I know that had to be a hard decision for you, given the time you'd invested in your marriage.
Thanks Mel. They won't let me give you any more rep points, so here's a big ol' THANKS. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. No regrets, no more tears will I cry.
I put the blame all on her, where it belongs. We all deserve to be heard, and not just heard but listened to.
I guess though I fell in love with a picture of somebody I was hoping she might be. Or perhaps led me to believe.
Cwaggy I was curious, does she have any idea you feel this way and is she (actually) any different after you left her ?
Sounds like you lasted 16 years longer that I would have.
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Is your ex on CD?
