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At this age, it makes little sense to be about looks. You'd think men would outgrow being so shallow.
Women need to remember that the greater the gap in age between her and her man, the more time she'll spend at the end of her life alone. Unfortunately, men do not want to date women over 50. They just don't. Younger women beware. If he's older than you, you're going to end up that over 50 woman who no one wants to date.
Women have good reason to avoid dating men older than them. Unfortunately, age differences don't become noticeable until men hit about their 50's. I swear my husband was 12 years older than me when we got married but some days it feels like more like 20 years now. When I'm 59, he'll be 71. Unfortunately, I, very likely, signed myself up for a long, lonely, widowhood.
Women should be finding younger men so that they have more time with their partners. We have this backwards.
Actually, I see the opposite. I see men letting themselves go more than women. Most women I know in their 50's still look pretty good. Most men, we're talking pot belly, wrinkles and out of shape. I see they're now making wrinkle creams for men. Maybe that will help.
I think that is a great example about what kind of trade offs are you willing to tolerate and accept when you consider someone with a huge age gap, even though culturally older man/younger women gaps are considered the expected norm in society.
Of course I have seen your ancedote in real life. This person has a 17 year age gap in which the woman is in her mid 50's and the man is in his 70's. The problem is that he has slowed down considerably to when they were courting 10 years ago. He doesn't have the energy and is starting to acquire more serious health problems. She is fine but is feeling the effects of having to take care of his needs at the expense of her own. She has as a result slowed down to his pace and can't do fun things anymore and thus she is somewhat miserable because she has to and he expects her to be catered to and taken care of.
Thus, unless the man is well off in which he can afford 7 star health care and the prospect that she may not have to scrimp and save after his death, huge age gaps should be considered carefully especially in these volatile times.
And in terms of ageing gracefully and the delusion that you may look 10 years younger than you are. Living among a huge senior citizen population of snow birds, both sexes are vulnerable to the ravages of time and unless you have good genes and a clean lifestyle to back you up--both sexes can and do age badly in equal measure.
Women in their 50s are as desirable as men in their 50s. I know many older men think they are God's gift to young women, but not to this young woman. Date people your own age or at least pretty close to it, and leave the rest of us alone. I think if someone is young enough to be your child or even your grandchild they are too young. What could you possibly have in common with them? I hope no man replies and says sex. Without Viagra most older men do not have that in common with very young women.
A male relative of mine is 51 years old and recently divorced. He is quite attractive and financially successful. He THINKS he looks 40. (Isn't funny that most men think they look so much younger than they really are?)
Anyway, he decided to look for love in the personal ads and has put in an ad. He is getting quite a bit of replies from women in their 50s. He looks at their pictures and is shocked. He keeps saying, "she looks so old!!" (Actually they look about as old as he does, but he does not see this!) He said no successful young looking 51 year old man wants to date the typical woman who is in the personal ads over the age of 50. He said the 50-60 year old replying to his ad could be seen as very attractive if they were your long term wife and you grew old together, but as a new person in the dating world she seems just old and unattractive.
My male relative is looking at woman mostly from 35-45 and thinks he will find love with a younger woman. What do you think?
Well, when I was 35 years old, I was looking for men 25 - 30. Why would I want some old guy whose idea of an exciting evening is a cup of cocoa and asleep by 10 pm?
Besides, younger women are still in "baby mode" which means 18 years of child support, or worse raising a child. Why would any mature man want to deal with that.
Tell him to try to put his shallow values behind him and get to know the person before he passes judgment on what kind of match they would be. I assure you, that a woman 35 years old is going to be after his money first and foremost. If he wants a "trophy wife" so be it, but if he wants a partner in life, he needs to look at women his own age.
And you should tell him that if he thinks he looks 40 he is delusional.
Being a 50 year old woman I can see myself appealing to a variety of ages. My personal preference would be 50-60 for myself. While I wouldn't automatically say no to someone younger they wouldn't be my first choice. Strangely though, I actually have a lot in common with guys (and girls) in their 20's...things I can't always find in people my own age. Probably because I've developed many of the same interests as my adult kids while most 50+ people stick to what they already know.
Interestingly, I had some experience on this topic over the weekend. I'm woman in my early 50's, and while heavier than I should be but not obese, look pretty darn good these days, as I do not have major wrinkles and the like.
I went out with a man also in his early 50's, and quite frankly, I look younger than he does. He also has a number of developing major health issues which I do not have.
Think some of us are like fine wines, we get better with some aging.
Not so. These days, older women are FAR more likely to be hitting the gym and taking such good care of themselves, that they are putting the potbellied pony-tailed 50-yr old men to shame. You have a lot of growing to do.
And nothing looks more ridiculous than one of those middle-aged men with not just a ponytail but a big, male pattern baldness "empty" space in the back of his head right above the ponytail!
Men tend not to be realistic about their looks for many reasons. For one, men tend not to update their look like women do. Women are taught to change their hair, make up and clothes to keep up with the fashion - men (generally) don't do that. As a result, as we all age men tend to show their age more. Additionally, when men have been out of the dating world for many years, they generally don't understand that women of "today" are not the same "girls" they may have dated back in the day. Things have changed.
Each decade has brought a different stage for me. I enjoyed dating in my 40's more than any other decade. Of course the variation of what we are attracted to has a huge impact.
An age difference will only make a difference if there is not a good connection. I have always been attacted to "older" men. That said, in one case - and only one - I found a man 14 years my senior was simply not comfortable with the age gap. I was perfectly fine with it - but he was not. Go figure. To each their own.
The best thing your relative can do is to allow himself to keep an open mind about dating. First thing he should do is to work on himself, as a woman would do; touch up the hair, update the styles, get a manicure, take a hard look at that closet!! I'm not talking about a false front or trying to be someone his is not, I'm talking about grooming and keeping up with fashion. Women do it all the time and still retain their own "style".
He really needs to keep an open mind about who he dates. It's better that he outlines what he is looking for (i.e. casual dating, serious relationship, marriage, etc.) If he is "recently" divorced - less than a few years, he may want to take it slow. A good rule of thumb is to allow 1 month for each year he was married before he even tries to find a serious relationship.
Best wishes to all.
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You have a lot of growing to do.