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So I've done online dating for about a year, and before that I used to ask girls out at a party or event the first time I met them (not in the first few minutes, but you know, talk to them a while, then get their number before I leave). Niether approach really worked for me.
As I'm just focusing on having fun this summer, I've joined some random sports teams, already met some cool people playing softball, moving in with new roommates that likes to have parties next week, etc. I'm starting to meet more women that I feel I would be interested in. However, I'm no longer going to take a direct approach.
I'm interested what women think of the approach of just hanging out with these girls, getting to know them, even become friends with them, then maybe if I like them enough asking them out. I know about the friend zone and how all that works but I figure if a girl has attraction to you, she won't mind breaking the friend contract if she's interested. I really am mentially and emotionally exhausted of being a direct pursuer of women. I know women sit back and wait for guys to hit on them and take their pick, but I'm just tired of being that guy and I'm not going to do it. I'm just going to have fun, not do a thing, make some new girl-friends and if one shows interest I'll decide if I want to reciprocate.
What do you ladies think of that? I really don't even care if I ever go on another date again for years if that ends up being my fate. I'm not the type of guy to sit on his hands, if I want something I go for it, but I don't care enough at this point, and I'd rather just wait for a woman to chase me. I showed my effort, time to sit back. Thoughts?
Edit: May sound like a stupid question, I'm just trying something new, I've always been direct and the pursuer, so I'm kind of shedding out of my skin in a sense and it's not something I'm familiar with doing. Any tips as well on taking the friend first approach to meeting and maybe eventually dating women would be helpful.
Last edited by cdubs3201; 06-21-2010 at 08:30 AM..
Thinking that you're not going to have an approach and just relax and hang out is actually still an approach. What will happen is that you will immerse yourself in the other activities and this is good. However, don't do it for the women. Do it for yourself.
I think it's great. But don't approach it like it's a process with so many steps. Just take your time. After they get comfortable with you, they'll be more comfortable with showing interest and you may not have to do much to take it to the next level.
Over-analyzing prospective relationships is a killer. Do what you want to do with and by yourself. All else will follow. And I might add that paying some attention to your fellow man or woman and our four-legged friends who also need some attention are worthier pursuits than spending time fussing over what approaches directly benefit you where people are concerned.
Think you have the best idea of your romantic life. You are burned out so take a break and just chill. Enjoy people and having a low key social life. If you feel more energized in the future you can change course. Have a fun, relaxing summer!
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