Help me understand people who don't give a crap (introvert, woman, husband)

[Osito]

Not giving a crap sounds like a luxury. These aren't the people likely of killing themselves young because they carry around too much that people with feelings are more likely to carry.

Originally Posted by NJDevil

How do people get so brain dead. They don't care when they are disrespected. How is everyone able to let it all go? Nothing infuriates people anymore....are they all drugged? Yes I feel things strongly, I can't stand inconsiderate behavior, nor can I comprehend why people act that way.

The other part of this is people making no effort, or taking no responsibility. "Oh I can't change that, so what's the use." "Being your friend is too much work." People online want friends with "no drama." Life isn't drama?

Has it always been like this? Is the economy partly to blame? I've wondered if people who have lost their jobs or their house no longer care as much about other people, thus making them more obnoxious/rude/disrespectful. When I have been unemployed, my personality doesn't change, I am just depressed.

I feel like I can't talk openly and honestly with any so-called friends anymore, or I'll just be rejected. I don't mean I just want to complain, I mean having a conversation where you just talk about how you feel about things. I feel like part of it is where I live, but I really don't want to believe that.

(I know there is a similar thread below....but I'm not talking about young people.)

I think people who are going through extremely hard times (unemployment, poverty, losing their house, serious illness) naturally just don't have the energy and extra attention to be focusing outside of them. I'm guessing it may be ingrained like a survival mechanism or something.

Other than that, I know how you feel. I wouldn't even think of talking about frustrations with someone I don't know and I'm really careful of what I say to people since I never know who is simply being friendly to try to dig up dirt on me.

I feel that way where I live too, I've been to much friendlier places.

Originally Posted by Trimac20

You're upset that people don't get infuriated anymore? I wish they'd get infuriated less, or at least direct their anger towards the injustices in the world: like the way our planet is being ravaged, human rights injustices etc. People aren't really any different than before: the big difference I see is that they're more detached from each other, more slaves to their jobs, value things of no real lasting value, a false sense of self-importance...I really do think anger is an expression of pain in the soul - not excusing them, but I do think there's something wrong with the world as a whole.

I agree.

Originally Posted by jazzcat22

NJDevil, I understand! By the way, are you originally from Joisey and are now living in Tennessee? If so, I feel your culture shock (originally from NJ and now in Atlanta).

On another forum, someone started a thread about the lack of civility. People just don't care about much more than the double E's (electronics and entertainment, most often combined into one). I can't tell you how often I have a "friend" who prefers to watch yet another lame TV show than to get together---or when we are together, prefers to play on their electronics. I try to remind myself that it's not personal---that it's their problem, but it definitely doesn't feel good.

What strikes me as ironic is that all articles and books on mental and physical health stress that people need lots of friends and a great social network----but from what I find, the pickings are pretty slim and it's difficult to find people who can really honor a friendship. It leads to more frustration and stress than a sense of well-being from having these people in your life!

Also---I organize some Meetups and know how frustrating it is to have people join and then never participate. Or when they do, lots of complaints! have you checked out the organizers' forum on MU? Good place to vent....

I know. I have been long-tired of professionals deeming me fit to die of a heart attack or something early because I don't have any friends. It's like, thanks.

As far as meetup some people may have difficult schedules/jobs and possibly kids to work around and that might present a problem for some attending.

I quit Meetup after I realized I got deleted from a group a month after I joined. I hadn't attended a meetup yet but was waiting for one that was more convenient for me. Most groups were inconvenient for me. So I quit.

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by NJDevil

How do people get so brain dead. They don't care when they are disrespected. How is everyone able to let it all go? Nothing infuriates people anymore....are they all drugged? Yes I feel things strongly, I can't stand inconsiderate behavior, nor can I comprehend why people act that way.

The other part of this is people making no effort, or taking no responsibility. "Oh I can't change that, so what's the use." "Being your friend is too much work." People online want friends with "no drama." Life isn't drama?

Has it always been like this? Is the economy partly to blame? I've wondered if people who have lost their jobs or their house no longer care as much about other people, thus making them more obnoxious/rude/disrespectful. When I have been unemployed, my personality doesn't change, I am just depressed.

I feel like I can't talk openly and honestly with any so-called friends anymore, or I'll just be rejected. I don't mean I just want to complain, I mean having a conversation where you just talk about how you feel about things. I feel like part of it is where I live, but I really don't want to believe that.

(I know there is a similar thread below....but I'm not talking about young people.)

In the past couple of decades alone, society has become mired in complacency, mediocrity and apathy. You are not alone in noticing these things.
Why is it happening? Lots of reasons all rolled up together, but largely we are lazier due to out technical advancements. The lazier we get, the more entitled we feel. The greater the sense of entitlement, the more folks feel they shouldn't "have to" .....(fill in the blank)

This leads to the next logical movement, the blaming of others.

It goes on and on. Personal accountability is all but lost. I don't know if society, as a whole, can ever regain the morals we once held. We just have to take action on an individual basis and take care of our own.

[WyoNewk]

We're being taught that it's okay to take government handouts. This comes from many levels. If GM and the banks can take handouts, why can't we? It's stressed that if the handouts are there for us, we should take them. They were, after all, intended for us. The more government grows and the more charity work it does, the more we're encouraged to take advantage of it.

This is entirely different than it was decades age. When I was growing up, it seemed that government assistance was for the bottom 1%. I was raised in a fairly poor household, and at times we had to scrape to get by. We ate canned Treat, and if we had steak it was round steak. I remember my dad taking out a loan on his life insurance policy just to pay the bills, but I think we'd have starved before applying for food stamps.

I've been unemployed a couple times but never considered applying for unemployment, even though the unemployment lasted for long periods. I've certainly never considered food stamps or other government subsidies, even when I didn't know where the money for next week's groceries was coming from. I simply had too much pride.

But now most people would rather draw unemployment than work. I can understand it, since unemployment often pays more than a low-paying job, but it's still a handout. And once you resign yourself to picking up that unemployment check, other government assistance programs don't seem so bad. Assistance is offered everywhere we go, from low-cost housing to college tuition. We're encouraged to take it. It was designed for us, after all. We probably know others who do the same thing. Out goes the hand. Then it gets easier. Take, take. Give me more. I deserve it. Others have more money than I do, so they should give me some of it.

We're conditioned not to care what others think of us. It's not our fault; it's the system's fault -- the politicians, the fat cats, our parents....

[Cav Scout wife]

Originally Posted by NJDevil

How do people get so brain dead. They don't care when they are disrespected. How is everyone able to let it all go? Nothing infuriates people anymore....are they all drugged? Yes I feel things strongly, I can't stand inconsiderate behavior, nor can I comprehend why people act that way.

Blame it on technology. People are connected practically 24/7 to each other. The majority of this country (dunno about others, but this one for sure) is too disconnected from humanity and over connected to technology. Words on the screen don't hurt they think, and too many people forget that words CAN hurt in person, since they don't have enough human interaction anymore.

Originally Posted by NJDevil

This morning for the first time the car behind me wanted to make a right (blinker on) and I gave her a boatload of room and she didn't go. That kind of "brain dead" blows my mind, it's incomprehensible.

No offense, but maybe she couldn't tell there was enough room; or maybe she is really stressed and had a ton on her mind and was trying to think about it a bit at the light, or maybe she was on the phone and wasn't paying attention.

The real question is, why does it matter? She was behind you correct? So her turning or not turning had NO impact on your being there or not.

Originally Posted by NJDevil

I run a few meetup groups and new people join all the time but hardly anyone signs up for events. I ask what they want to do, I email some of them, and I hardly get any replies. No one gives a crap. So why do they join? People say they want to meet people and make friends, but they don't attend anything. I just don't get it. These are people with no family here.

You ever though they might be scared? Or maybe they have anxiety due to social situations. I know my MIL can't go shopping at large places, not to mention go to large places with lots of unknown people. Which means she does 99% of her shopping (not groceries) online, and the rest with her groceries at 4am through the week, when no one but her, drunks, and 3rd shift workers are there. She takes meds to be able to do even that much.

Not to mention the most obvious answer is maybe they don't like you. No offense, since this is the first postings I remember reading of yours, but maybe it's you.

I get what you are trying to say, but honestly, you can't let it get to you this much. If someone doesn't turn, or won't go out to make friends, that's on them, not you. Now if someone calls you a @#*$&*# #&%Y#& @#&$^ 'cause you asked them not to cuss in front of your kid, that's different.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by NJDevil

"Being your friend is too much work."

That would be a red flag if a friend said that to me, I'd be trying to find out why they felt that way.

Originally Posted by NJDevil

People online want friends with "no drama." Life isn't drama?

At my age I'm done with drama. That's a young persons game and I had my fill of it, to the point that, no, I don't associate any longer with people who insist on making mountains out of molehills. It's too draining, and I'd usually rather spend my time on people or things I find fun or uplifting.

[bumpus7]

.
People are getting tired and warn out ! ! !

People have been listening to whining and complaining about everything coming and going for so long now, that they are tired of the same old conversations being hashed out over and over every day ... day in and day out, and they are getting tired of it, and they want to talk about something knew for a change ! ! !

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by nurider2002

In my opinion, there is definitely a lack of civility today compared to when I was young. That said, even back then there were plenty of rude people with poor manners. I still get annoyed with bad drivers, extremly loud people, folks who litter, etc., the list goes on BUT, the bottom line is we have NO control over other people. If you allow everyone to annoy you, you will be angry all the time. As far as genuine friendships go, in my experience, if you have one or two good friends you can discuss feelings with, you are fortunate. Most folks today want their social needs satisfied by facebook, or other social media sites and have lost the ability to form new friendships, LISTEN to one another, etc. That is just the world we live in.

I agree with this. For example politics has become a blood sport. People have less tolerance, and they express their opinion strongly and frequently.

[virgode]

Originally Posted by nurider2002

In my opinion, there is definitely a lack of civility today compared to when I was young. That said, even back then there were plenty of rude people with poor manners. I still get annoyed with bad drivers, extremly loud people, folks who litter, etc., the list goes on BUT, the bottom line is we have NO control over other people.

If you allow everyone to annoy you, you will be angry all the time.

Exactly.

OP....



Judging the world and over reacting to the slightest injustice is as bad as someone who controlls others using the excuse they're doing it out of love bc they care, or people who are so self absorbed they don't care.

Anger isn't proof you care more, love more, or hurt more than others.

I'd say you need to ask yourself why others lack of anger makes you angry

Not over-reacting is promoted by spiritual teachers. Eckhart Tolle has written a couple of books on the topic.

[LargeKingCat]

Outward behaviors are a result of inner thoughts, and some people , inside, are not having good thoughts. My social worker was with me and we had to work with a very difficult and challenging patient. I think the thing she said to him that stuck with me was "We need to get out of here sometimes" (Pointing to her head as she said that)
So right, I see this kind of behavior from certain people and wonder what is going on inside their heads that would manifest itself in some socially unacceptable behavior. Does the person have such limited thinking and limited insight into life to make such poor choices in behavior?
MY ONLY recourse is to TRY to not be one of the ones who is so rude, obnoxious, uncaring.
OF course, I have a tendency to listen to people , I try not to judge and I try not to fix things UNLESS it is a situation wherein I am being paid to. Over -reacting does not help. Ignoring works far better.

I had a very difficult coworker years ago at my old job. I think I spoke to her once a week at most. She would say things to try to provoke and argument, I would just respond by walking away like she was not even there or going onto another task acting like I did not hear her. After a while, she did go away. And never spoke to me again. All I had to do was act like she did not even exist. I can do that out in public, but oddly enough, I often do the opposite.
I am that guy in the grocery store that will say HI to you when I go by (especially if you are a middle aged female) even if you have never met me. I am the kind of guy who helps out others, and I get all over my kids if they ask someone for something and do not say please or thank you.
I often apologize for things they say or do to others, in front of them, to reinforce that they are kids and they are still learning
Point is, we each can help ourselves and others by trying to be part of a solution and not part of a problem.

[Peggy Anne]

We have always had such people on the planet, BUT not in such great numbers. I find that minor pleasantries are still to be found. "Thank you" and "please" are the easiest to effect, but some people don't appreciate manners, or maybe they were never taught the basics. I give people the benefit of the doubt until I begin to doubt the benefits. I think that we all have moods. I know I can be withdrawn and grumpy when I am around ill behaved, rude, loud, creepy acting, etc. people.