Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
One thing I've found interesting in these families -- if there are no daughters but there is one gay son, he's the selected one but never a straight son it seems. Never.
I've never really noticed that, but I guess the assumption is that they're not planning to have children (not always true, of course). Or perhaps gay men are just seen as better caretakers? Weird, either way.
Quote:
Since the caretaker very often must forego having her own family, I always wonder who will take care of her when she needs it -- often she has no children of her own, and also no career so no retirement plan or pension.
Good point... I guess that's when they can call upon the NON-caretaker's children? "Hey, since I had to give up having my own kids, I'm borrowing one of yours when I get old!" Seems fair to me, lol.
Bottom line: This is precisely why elder-care facilities exist; and for those who are out of touch, they're not all the dingy & depressing places you might be imagining. Heck, my grandma's old place was gorgeous!! Now she's in more of a hospital-type facility, but the residential home she lived in prior was nicer than my apartment. And they're not prisoners, either, so those with mobility came & went as they pleased. It was basically like any other apartment complex, just with 24-hour medical care on the premises.
A lot of older people live on their own by their own choice. My grandmother could live with any of her 8 children. She refuses to move out of Kentucky and join them in Florida though.
One thing I've found interesting in these families -- if there are no daughters but there is one gay son, he's the selected one but never a straight son it seems. Never.
Since the caretaker very often must forego having her own family, I always wonder who will take care of her when she needs it -- often she has no children of her own, and also no career so no retirement plan or pension.
No one will take care of her. I do not think it wise for a single person (or a married person unless one of you has a great job) to quit her employment to care for an elderly person. Because their is that pension, that 401K, that retirement plan that she, herself, will need one day.
I think some of it is generational. My parents' generation (the greatest generation) seems to clearly want to be taken care of - in fact, that is their expectation.
in this nation. To me this is a result of the consumerist, selfish mindset that has permeated this nation. Please spare me the PC all races do this crapola. Ive seen the numbers and more whites throw their parents in nursing homes than do hispanics, blacks, and Asians. What a dirtbag mentality. The people who have given you life and brought you into this world, raised you and you cant be bothered with them? I am white, but I'll call out my own race when I have to and call a spade a spade. When it comes to how to respect your elders and treat your parents I really admire as we all should the Asians and Indians.
Whoa there trigger!! Don't be so quick to judge us for being loving enough to insure our parents have a safe place to stay. My Mom had Alzheimers and we allowed her at HER request, to stay at home as long as she could. We didn't walk away and leave her..I was there daily. When I walked in on her wandering around her kitchen naked from the waist down and peeing on the floor, it was time to get her into a place where she could get proper care. I don't know what kind of "homes" you have seen or where you get your opinion from but the home my Mom was in had a formal dining room, well decorated rooms, a church area, a bus that took them on field trips to our local park, a laundry, a library and more. We saw her every day as usual. The homes you are criticizing are inspected monthly and don't come cheaply..try on $8,000 a month for size..includes all of the above, a private room and all her meds. They are not some dump that leaves the elderly wallowing in their own mess. You are NOT calling a spade a spade and shouldn't be so critical of the people who fear for their elderly parents and don't have the proper environment nor medical experience to care for them. I definitely take offense at your generalization of people who have to put their parents in homes. We don't do it lightly and it tears at our heart strings big time. By the way, my Mom was ravaged by Alzheimers and her aide at the hospital cried as hard as we did when my Mom passed away at 80 lbs. I will love and miss her forever.
No one will take care of her. I do not think it wise for a single person (or a married person unless one of you has a great job) to quit her employment to care for an elderly person. Because their is that pension, that 401K, that retirement plan that she, herself, will need one day.
I think some of it is generational. My parents' generation (the greatest generation) seems to clearly want to be taken care of - in fact, that is their expectation.
My generation ~ not so much.
We will see how your generation feels when they get old enough to need help.
in this nation. To me this is a result of the consumerist, selfish mindset that has permeated this nation. Please spare me the PC all races do this crapola. Ive seen the numbers and more whites throw their parents in nursing homes than do hispanics, blacks, and Asians. What a dirtbag mentality. The people who have given you life and brought you into this world, raised you and you cant be bothered with them? I am white, but I'll call out my own race when I have to and call a spade a spade. When it comes to how to respect your elders and treat your parents I really admire as we all should the Asians and Indians.
This is one reason.........some of us would rather our children don't take care of us.
I'd say relationship with each other and what the families have agreed to works the best. Some people are just not caregivers.
No chit Sherlock!
The problem is; the poster is not taking into consideration the "pride" issue inherited through a few generations of "we will not live in such a manner that we will ever become a burden upon our children".
That was one of the cornerstones of moral imperatives that I can trace from anecdotal offerings from my grandparents and parents, and I'm sure their parents and grandparents before them.
One only need consider the generational differences from living in spare quarters with minimal room and the burden placed upon offspring to sustain them without anything like pension plans or social security to assist with that.
It must have been imperative for most to plan and desire to live well enough that when they became incapable of providing for themselves, that burden would not fall to their progeny.
My parents planned accordingly and so have I with the thought at the back of my mind: "aint' no way in hell my kids are going to be saddled with my old age needs".
PERHAPS, just perhaps, this is a predominantly white "self-pride issue" you are wrongly identifying as a lack-of-compassion issue?????? Only say'n.
We will see how your generation feels when they get old enough to need help.
I'll have over 2 million set aside in a trust. I won't be a burden to my family. That's the way it should be.
It's does seem to be the daughter that usually gets caught up in the Parents mess.
I've seen multiple families have issues because of "culture". In one case Grandpa gets so drunk his liver is now shot. His Daughter won't put him in a home where he would be away from the booze and have care. Instead the old drunk sneaks into the booze(no matter where they put it, or he sneaks down to the store) and now the son in law is picking up the tab for on site care.
Another couple, daughter is draining the bank account because nana wants high end everything. She sends money back to Mexico cause "poor old Dad" only gets half a pension. This one is about toast as son in law has about had enough. He tells me alimony would be cheaper.
Pick your spouses culture carefully. There can be a lot of built in baggage and you can seriously inherit other people's problems from a lack of planning.
Last edited by 1AngryTaxPayer; 04-12-2013 at 10:31 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
