Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
if i was in your spot, I would tell him that he needs to get his head on straight and needs to learn how to listen to directions or he will be homeless and have nothing.
No. I have done random tests on my own (of course my wife takes issue with this every time), and the results came back negative (this last one a week ago). I make him take the test because I want him to be fully aware that if he should ever fail he's out. I have no tolerance for anyone using drugs.
Whoa... ... just happened upon this thread, some of you are more up to speed on this o.p. but I am new to his issues. At a certain point, o.p. what may have been warranted concern on your part for your offspring became controlling, superior, abuse. I hate to say it, but, if this is the state of things with your son at 20, then... ... bzzzzt. Game over. You lost him. I blame you. You may lose your wife too before this all plays out. Do you listen to what anyone says here or do you just vent? Listen to macie's mom and anyone else who has told you to lighten up, at least on the kid's birthday. You don't need to work on your wife, either, that is a total dead end. If it were my family, I would seek the services of an outside social work agency that can mediate between all the parties concerned.
And also please tell us about his birthday - did you think better of putting those job apps in his card after all?
For his birthday when my wife and I got home she got him an Ice-cream cake and we sang happy birthday to him. I got him nothing. I did tell him that I was no longer going to carry him on my cell phone plan and called the company on the spot to cancel his service. My wife thought it wasn't fair to do that and I told her "he could always sign up for his own service when he gets a job, but since my bill is due today I may as well make the adjustments to cut back and save money like we discussed dear". To answer the question about my daughter, she NEVER says that he is the favorite. If anything she's motivated to do the opposite of what her older brother does. She learns from his failure.
For his birthday when my wife and I got home she got him an Ice-cream cake and we sang happy birthday to him. I got him nothing. I did tell him that I was no longer going to carry him on my cell phone plan and called the company on the spot to cancel his service. My wife thought it wasn't fair to do that and I told her "he could always sign up for his own service when he gets a job, but since my bill is due today I may as well make the adjustments to cut back and save money like we discussed dear". To answer the question about my daughter, she NEVER says that he is the favorite. If anything she's motivated to do the opposite of what her older brother does. She learns from his failure.
DUDE! I was trying hard to be in your corner, but you just acted like an ass, sorry.
It was the kids BIRTHDAY Geez, you better hope you don't need his help later down the line getting your butt wiped in the nursing home or something.
You are certainly free to discontinue carrying him on your cell plan - but to belittle him that way ON HIS BIRTHDAY is just cold. That conversation could have waited ONE freaking day at least.
Remember, when it comes to our kids, YOU reap what YOU sow. And your harvest is not looking too promising right now.
You decided to cancel his cell phone from your plan on his birthday celebration??? I really tried hard to sympathize with you and your issue, offer constructive advice, etc... but your passive agressive manipulation of things is YOUR issue and YOU are affecting your son in a negative way I think.
Why couldn't you just let your kid enjoy his birthday? And then if you want him off of the plan, do it a few days or a week later...
I was sorry to read this. I was hoping my take had been wrong. I believe the OP simply doesn't like his son and wants him to be gone and out of his life. With his attitude, the son might not be the only one gone....A birthday should be a joyful celebration where we express that we are so happy to have this person in our lives....You can love someone even when their behavior upsets you.
Wow, just wow. I read the whole thread and just shook my head - hits close to home.
So the daughter is like the OP, so she's great - the son is different, he is worthless. This whole "work ethic/tough love/reward" parenting routine is just a smoke screen for an adult in age only.
My Mom treated me the same way, my Sister is like her, so she is the favorite, I'm quite different from my Mom, so I ranked somewhere btween the cat and the dustbunnies under the bed. I excelled in school, have been a steady worker, a military vet, never got into trouble (unlike my Sister who still lives at home @ 47 paying no rent and dependent on Mommy). Finally got it thru my thick skull that no matter what I did, it wouldn't matter. My Mom burned the bridge, not me - it will be sad when the house of cards falls apart on them - zero help will come from me. "Tough love" can work both ways. Not bitter, but just finally accepted reality.
a 20 yr old who doesn't want to take responsibility for himself... hell yeah, I'd be doing the same thing. I wouldn't let ANY of my kids take advantage of me in any way. He's a grown-up, time to treat him that way. And that includes cancelling the cell phone.
In essence, by not paying this kid's bills, he's giving the kid the power to make his down decision regarding his own life. Too bad he's too immature to realize it. Let him suffer, he'll grow tired of it, just like his dad is.
Go dad!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Geez, you better hope you don't need his help later down the line getting your butt wiped in the nursing home or something. 
