I'm taking in two teenagers whose parents kicked them out! (step-dad, attorney)

[Hopes]

Two teenagers are coming to live at my house. Both have been kicked out by their parents prior to them finishing high school.

One is a girl who was kicked out during 12th grade when she turned 18 in the fall. She was allowd to live temporarily at a girlfriend's house for a couple of months. Once she could no longer live there, she moved into her minor (17) boyfriend's parent's house. She joined the military. Since her boyfriend is very abusive, she will be living at my house until she leaves for basic training in June after she graduates.

The other is a 17 year old boy who is in 11th grade who was kicked out yesterday afternoon. I swear his mother is insane. She kicked him out because he simply wants to have a relationship with his father (vist him now and then, and talk to him on the phone). She told him to pack his bags and leave instantly----literally threw him out on into the street with no time to make arrangements. He called me and I picked him up, spent the afternoon driving him to work and from work, and then took him to his father's house in the evening. (His father was out of town on a business trip until late afternoon.) His father dropped him off here at 5:30AM so he could go to school. Starting next week, he will be living with me on the weekdays and living his father on the weekends since his father lives far away and in a different school district. His father would gladly have him full time, but we mutually decided this was best for him. He's going through a very difficult time, and he doesn't need to deal with starting a new school at the end of 11th grade.

I don't understand parents who kick their children out prior to finishing high school! Their tough love isn't parenting. They are simply pushing the parenting onto other parents! They kick them out KNOWING their children have no other options than to go to other parents! Someone could say that other parents don't have to take these children into their houses, but no decent person is going to leave a homeless teenager on the street. I don't mind taking these teenagers into my home. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND THEIR PARENTS! How could they do this to their children?

All of this happened yesterday! No sooner than I got home at 8pm from helping the boy all day, the girl knocked at my door in tears!

[phonelady61]

I think this 17 yr olds mom could be charged with abandonment , I know in my state you cannot just throw a child unto the street and say goodbye . I would contact the authoritys and see if the mom can be charged and maybe she does have mental problems and if you contact someone they could get her some help . I think you might get in trouble housing these kids too without parental permission so maybe you need to check with a family attorney or the local authorities where you live . I would be leery of doing this . Good luck to you and you have a good heart .I hope it all works out for you please let us all know how it turns out .

[Magnolia Bloom]

Good for you! You are throwing them a lifeline and your actions will affect them for the rest of their lives. Although it is sad that parents would do this, it's probably for the best. Now the kids will know what it's like to live in a functional family.

I've taken in a number of teens in similar situations. Two pregnant girls whose moms would not let them stay BC they would not have an abortion. I never had any problems from the kids- even though some had gotten into some bad things before they arrived.

[springfieldva]

Maybe the mother of the 17 year old expected her son to go and live with his father when she "kicked him out". You have no way of knowing the history between those two parents and/or why the mother can't seem to deal in any sort of fashion with her ex. The boy might not even have the full picture.

At any rate, I would at least let the mom know where her son is, maybe try listening to her version of events. I wouldn't want this boy to be homeless but I wouldn't want to get into trouble for harboring a runaway, either. Good luck.

[findinghope]

well, all i can say is, Karma!
you have something wonderful coming to you, HOPES. if nothing else, the gratitude these 2 people will have toward you for what you are doing...

[wyoquilter]

Originally Posted by springfieldva

Maybe the mother of the 17 year old expected her son to go and live with his father when she "kicked him out". You have no way of knowing the history between those two parents and/or why the mother can't seem to deal in any sort of fashion with her ex. The boy might not even have the full picture.

At any rate, I would at least let the mom know where her son is, maybe try listening to her version of events. I wouldn't want this boy to be homeless but I wouldn't want to get into trouble for harboring a runaway, either. Good luck.

I agree, that maybe you need to talk to the mother of the 17yo. and get her version of what happened. My son who was 18 and finishing High School was becoming beligerant and was calling me names and saying I was lazy and interfering. I finally had it and one day while he was getting pretty nasty I told him, well if he hated living in my home so much and didn't want me being nosey then maybe he should find somewhere else to live. He packed his things and left.

I didn't throw him out, but he told everyone I did. He ended up staying at his GF's house for a short while. Her parents did call me and let me know where he was at and wanted to know what had happened. They were going to let him stay there with them until he started getting a bit beligerant with them and they saw some of what I was talking about for themselves. He ended up staying with another family, who thinks I'm the devil and the worst parent on the face of the Earth because I kicked my poor son out. They never did talk to me about what had happened and how he ended up at their place. He didn't give them as much trouble, but they didn't have much rules for him either. Heck, they weren't at all concerned that my son was about to fail school, which is what our biggest fights were over, because I was trying to stay on top of him to get his school work done so he could graduate and go into the Marine Corp like he wanted. Thankfully he did manage to get his grades up, thanks in part to my mom, step-dad and my sister stepping in and making him, (when I tried the other family wouldn't let me near my son) and he did graduate and is now finding that home life was much easier than the Corp.

[sskkc]

Hmmm... with kids, teenagers especially, we seldom know the whole story, even when it looks obvious. I'd be interested in hearing how this turns out in a couple months - as MTV says... "When people stop being POLITE, and start being REAL."

I know a lot of folks (myself included) who fell for some teen's lies and allowed them into their homes, only to be stepped on by these 17-19 year old know-it-alls with a strong sense of entitlement and a definite victim complex. Granted, they'd had poor parenting up to that point, but it was really too late for any of the teens I've met. So few want to be guided to adulthood, in my experience - they're really just looking for someone to finance them as they do exactly what they want, when they want, how they want.

[nightcrawler]

I really have such a problem with parents "kicking" their kids out, I believe that is a horiffic thing to do.
Wouldn't in now a days that be considered child abuse?? I would certainly think so.
One of my sons had a friend back in junior high that had problems at home, I would let him stay with us for long periods of time. I actually think he liked living with us, but even though I wasn't his parent, I still wanted to see his report card, make sure his homework was completed and correct, like my sons.
He also had chores (not many) like my boys. But for some reason the boy seemed happy.....I remember his mom telling me he would be trouble, that I shouldn't let him stay with us....
(long story).....but needless to say, the boy never gave me a problem.....did well in school and to this day is still best friends with my son.
Whatever I (we) did, I guess it was something right, so as a parent that makes me happy.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by phonelady61

I think you might get in trouble housing these kids too without parental permission so maybe you need to check with a family attorney or the local authorities where you live.

I can't see how I can get in trouble. The one is over 18 (and hasn't been living at home since Sept), and the father of the 17 year old gave permission for him to stay with me.

Originally Posted by Magnolia Bloom

Good for you! You are throwing them a lifeline and your actions will affect them for the rest of their lives. Although it is sad that parents would do this, it's probably for the best. Now the kids will know what it's like to live in a functional family.

I've taken in a number of teens in similar situations. Two pregnant girls whose moms would not let them stay BC they would not have an abortion. I never had any problems from the kids- even though some had gotten into some bad things before they arrived.

Thanks! The girls you helped were lucky to have you!

Originally Posted by springfieldva

Maybe the mother of the 17 year old expected her son to go and live with his father when she "kicked him out".

Not possible since the father was away on a business trip. He cut his trip short, but wasn't able to make it home until very late in the afternoon. As for long term, the father has a job where he travels a lot so it's sort of nuts if she thought he could easily go live with him without enough notice to plan---find a new job or some changes so he could parent 24/7! In addition to his work schedule, we came to the decision that it's best he stays in his current school district. Those are the reasons he will be living with me part time.

Originally Posted by springfieldva

You have no way of knowing the history between those two parents and/or why the mother can't seem to deal in any sort of fashion with her ex. The boy might not even have the full picture.

Oh, I know the full picture. I've known them for a lifetime. I went to school with the father. Our families have been very close throughout the years. Our children have practically lived at each others houses---vacation together all summer, etc. We even vacation together as families. Our lives have been very intertwined---more like family than friends. The mother just sort of went insane a few years ago. Can't explain it any other way. It's like she suddenly want crazy. Very bizzare. Ever since then, she's been very abusive mentally. I've been emotionally helping him endure it for a long time by giving him pep talks and advice. That's why he called me when it happened.

Originally Posted by springfieldva

At any rate, I would at least let the mom know where her son is, maybe try listening to her version of events. I wouldn't want this boy to be homeless but I wouldn't want to get into trouble for harboring a runaway, either. Good luck.

I called her to let her know that I was picking him up. She wouldn't answer her phone. I left a message telling her that I was picking him up and taking him to his father's house. I haven't heard from her.

Originally Posted by findinghope

well, all i can say is, Karma!
you have something wonderful coming to you, HOPES. if nothing else, the gratitude these 2 people will have toward you for what you are doing...

Thanks, findinghope.

Originally Posted by wyoquilter

I agree, that maybe you need to talk to the mother of the 17yo. and get her version of what happened.

I was on the phone with him when she walked into his room. I heard what she said to him first hand. She didn't deny her son's version of the story when she called the father. She readily admitted to him her reasons for kicking him out. It's just nuts.

Originally Posted by wyoquilter

My son who was 18 and finishing High School was becoming beligerant and was calling me names and saying I was lazy and interfering. I finally had it and one day while he was getting pretty nasty I told him, well if he hated living in my home so much and didn't want me being nosey then maybe he should find somewhere else to live. He packed his things and left.

I can see how that could happen. This is somewhat similar, but without the beligerance and name calling. She was harrassing him about wanting to have a relationship with his father, and she said in a nasty voice, "if you want to have a relationship, you should go live with him." He replied in anger, "Okay! I will!" Then she forced him to pack. That's when he called me. I was on the phone when she came to his room and insisted that he get his stuff and get out NOW. She wasn't giving him time to figure out what to do or anything.

Originally Posted by sskkc

Hmmm... with kids, teenagers especially, we seldom know the whole story, even when it looks obvious. I'd be interested in hearing how this turns out in a couple months - as MTV says... "When people stop being POLITE, and start being REAL."

Yeah, me too. I'm hoping it works out for both of them. The girl won't be a problem because she's leaving for the military in three months. She's a great girl----practically spent her life a prisoner and slave of her parents. (Strangely, I grew up with both of her parents too!) I really commend her for finishing her senior year while she's goiing through this. She never once considered just giving up and taking her GED. The boy is the one I'm most worried about because he has the longest to go. I'm hoping his father doesn't turn out to be the jerk his mother always claimed he was.

Originally Posted by sskkc

I know a lot of folks (myself included) who fell for some teen's lies and allowed them into their homes, only to be stepped on by these 17-19 year old know-it-alls with a strong sense of entitlement and a definite victim complex. Granted, they'd had poor parenting up to that point, but it was really too late for any of the teens I've met. So few want to be guided to adulthood, in my experience - they're really just looking for someone to finance them as they do exactly what they want, when they want, how they want.

I could see that. These two kids are different though. They are both very hard workers. They've spent their lives doing more chores than anyone I've ever known. They hold down jobs. They're both really great kids and have mostly paid their own way since they have been old enough to work. In a way, their parents did a good job preparing them for real life. They just tossed them out too soon. No teenager should finish high school as a homeless child. The boy has practically lived at my house in the past. I'm not expecting any surprises from him. The girl will only be here for three months before leaving for the military. If she turns out to be different than I expect, it's only three months.

[antiques55]

Originally Posted by phonelady61

I think this 17 yr olds mom could be charged with abandonment , I know in my state you cannot just throw a child unto the street and say goodbye . I would contact the authoritys and see if the mom can be charged and maybe she does have mental problems and if you contact someone they could get her some help . I think you might get in trouble housing these kids too without parental permission so maybe you need to check with a family attorney or the local authorities where you live . I would be leery of doing this . Good luck to you and you have a good heart .I hope it all works out for you please let us all know how it turns out .

Quite true. Parents cannot kick their children out if they are under 18. They have to find alternative housing for them.