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Good idea. Keep the list short, but do let him attend parties. Some kids may not have much of a family around where they live, so this allows them to still have friends come over and attend their parties. You don't have to buy something really expensive either. Some parents don't even want the present. They want their kids to have friends over, so they don't feel lonely around this time of the year.
We didn't have a party every year, but when we did we used the age-to-number of guests ratio for the few parties that we did have. It generally worked out quite well. When she turned 5, we invited 5 kids to her birthday, when she turned 10, it was 10 kids. Her sweet 16 party probably had more like 20 kids, however. At that age it was pretty easy to manage, though. Since I was pretty close with all her friends' parents through school and soccer I circumvented the school issue by sending the invites directly to their homes. There's no way I could host a party for 25-30 kids without going postal ... lol.
As far as her going to parties, there were definitely a few years that the invites came in IN BULK it seemed. We let her attend as many parties as our schedules could allow and I never succumbed to the social pressure to buy expensive gifts. I think that's more of an issue between competitive parents, not the kids. I would spend $5 to $10 for the most part, and once she got into her teens she paid for gifts for her friend's b-days.
I definitely understand how stressful it can be however to keep up with it all. I admit that I'm glad those days opf parenting are over for me!
4 pack of play-doh or crayons and coloring books or stickers. You don't need to spend more than $3-$5 on any presents. It's social time more than anything so let that be your guide.
I kind of look at the cost of the gift as paying for the activity, more or less. If I were to take my child to a bouncy gym, that's $7.00, plus cake and pizza, that's another $7.00. I usually aim to pay about $15 for a gift. It works out, and they LOVE doing that kind of activity with their friends.
I think you should do whatever is right for you. Last year we were having a very hard financial time. Usually we invite a ton of kids and have a blowout over the top (frankly way too much money stupid) party for each kid. Both my children are a week apart, so it is a lump sum of money all at once.
We did a very low key party for them, sent the invites to the houses, and did not invite the entire class. The kids had a blast and really enjoyed themselves. I think a lot of time parents put more pressure on themselves to "out do" each other more than the kids.
As far as going to parties, since we are new to the area, I had the kids go to as many parties as they were invited to. That said, we didn't spend a lot of money on the gift for the child. It amazed me when my son's party came around, he received gifts that were very expensive, which of course made me feel terrible that we couldn't spend as much money.
Anyhow, I am rambling, do what is right for you, don't let other people dictate.
This sounds more like fear than experience talking.
Have you ever attended a group party? Most elementary school classmates have a really good time at those parties and they are fun for parents to watch.
I can see why these parties might not be fun for all grown ups/all situations but you make them sound like a real bully fest...a way for grown ups to appear like "big shots" and the birthday child to look "popular" and "get gifts".
From my experience, that couldn't be further from the truth....
This sounds more like fear than experience talking.
Have you ever attended a group party? Most elementary school classmates have a really good time at those parties and they are fun for parents to watch.
I can see why these parties might not be fun for all grown ups/all situations but you make them sound like a real bully fest...a way for grown ups to appear like "big shots" and the birthday child to look "popular" and "get gifts".
From my experience, that couldn't be further from the truth....
No fear at all. My belief is that birthdays are for personal celebration, not a national holiday.
Unless we had a conflict, I always took my daughter to all the parties she was invited to, for a couple of reasons.
It's a good chance to practice social skills--thinking of others when you're picking out a present, making and/or signing a birthday card, greeting the parents and saying "thank you for inviting me" when you're leaving, etc.
Also, and this was probably the most important to me, when she was small, most of the parents would stay during the party and we would get a chance to talk to each other. I was able to get a feel for them and how they parented. When my daughter got older and wanted to go to someone's house, or have another kid over, I had some info on which to base my decision. If the parents had given me the creeps, or if I wasn't sure of who lived in the house--no way. If I felt more comfortable, it was more likely I'd let her go for a playdate. I know that meeting someone for a couple of hours doesn't tell you everything you need to know about them, but it is a way to gather some information about your child's playmates and their parents.
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