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Thanks everyone. I have 3 kids and they have really been dabblers--they all have found an instrument they enjoy, so that's one thing they have, and the younger 2 go to swimming lessons once a week--but I do feel like they should have a physical activity. My oldest likes to mountain bike, but even so usually only goes if DH spurs him on or a friend invites him. The middle one has tried fencing, karate, and basketball clinics, but has zero interest in joining a team, and he and his younger brother shoot down anything I suggest. They don't care if their friends play soccer--they just aren't interested.
We are all homebodies, and DH and I as kids were involved in more individual pursuits ourselves (running, dance, gymnastics)--the kids seem happy to stay home, play with us and each other (legos, board games, Wii, badminton when the weather is nice, watch movies). I guess I just wonder sometimes if they are missing out on something, and I admit to looking at them sometimes and thinking they are lazy (they are quite thin , but also out of shape). HOWEVER, I have also been in situations where they have been enrolled in an activity they no longer like, and forcing them to see it through is a NIGHTMARE--they act like zombies with sad/grumpy little faces and sleep walk through class, which is disrespectful to the instructor and frankly embarrassing to me.
So it is kind of a catch-22: how will they know if they like something without trying it, but how do I get them to try it without forcing them and potentially making all of us miserable?
At eight and eleven, my role is just to facilitate their interests. A few weeks ago, they both suddenly developed an interest in martial arts when the school held a demonstration. I found a beginner's class for them to try it out.
A lot of times other kids invite one or the other to participate in a team. My daughter recently joined a short-term volleyball team with a couple of her friends.
We live in a neighborhood where there are lots of different sports and activities. My kids have tried soccer, swimming, theater, karate, music, cross country, and jump rope in the last year. They're also in Scouts.
When they were younger, I usually signed them up for things that I thought would be interesting, but now they're old enough to make those decisions for themselves. They're both VERY social and adventurous, so all it usually takes is for a friend to issue an invitation.
I insist that my kids do at least one non academic activity but I don't force them into particular activities.
My oldest is into sports and he does football, wrestling, lacrosse and weighlifting. He tried soccer, swimming and basketball when he was younger. He also played the trumpet for 5 years.
My middle is into music. He plays piano, saxophone, and drums. He is in marching band and percussion ensemble. When he was younger he played football (1 season), roller hockey (5 seasons) and lacrosse (8 seasons).
My youngest is also into sports. He plays football and lacrosse. He tries roller hockey and basketball when he was younger. He also took some guitar lessons and a cooking class. He really liked the cooking class and would like to take some more. He is interested in taking violin when he starts middle school next year.
I can't see forcing them into particular activities but I do think it is important for them to try different things, but those things should be of their choosing.
My son has asked for what activities he participates in, my daughter doesn't. I have put her in many activities hoping for her to find something that interests her. She finally found something she loved, dancing!! It took several years and activities.
I probably doing this more because my parents never did. I was never involved in any activities and didn't realize the importance of them until it was too late.
my experience also. My kids are young, but I usually have them in one activity at a time - swimming lessons, t-ball, soccer, and we just added tumbling this month. We'll see what they want to stick with. I don't plan on doing ALL of this forever. Oh, and kid's choir at church. I'd love for them to try martial arts too.
Thanks everyone. I have 3 kids and they have really been dabblers--they all have found an instrument they enjoy, so that's one thing they have, and the younger 2 go to swimming lessons once a week--but I do feel like they should have a physical activity. My oldest likes to mountain bike, but even so usually only goes if DH spurs him on or a friend invites him. The middle one has tried fencing, karate, and basketball clinics, but has zero interest in joining a team, and he and his younger brother shoot down anything I suggest. They don't care if their friends play soccer--they just aren't interested.
We are all homebodies, and DH and I as kids were involved in more individual pursuits ourselves (running, dance, gymnastics)--the kids seem happy to stay home, play with us and each other (legos, board games, Wii, badminton when the weather is nice, watch movies). I guess I just wonder sometimes if they are missing out on something, and I admit to looking at them sometimes and thinking they are lazy (they are quite thin , but also out of shape). HOWEVER, I have also been in situations where they have been enrolled in an activity they no longer like, and forcing them to see it through is a NIGHTMARE--they act like zombies with sad/grumpy little faces and sleep walk through class, which is disrespectful to the instructor and frankly embarrassing to me.
So it is kind of a catch-22: how will they know if they like something without trying it, but how do I get them to try it without forcing them and potentially making all of us miserable?
I signed my kids up for many things when they were young just to give them something to do. If they really didn't like something then we didn't do that again and moved on. When they got older, pre-teen+, they chose their own activities. I usually insisted they do at least one activity or extracurricular per year, or something in the summer. I didn't overschedule them at all because it was a pain for me.
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This is pretty much what we did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucyhoneychurch
9th grade, 3rd grade, and 1st grade.
At these ages I would make sure they were doing at least one thing year round, especially the 9th grader as it will impact college choices if they are not involved in outside activities (either sports, clubs, church or civic groups). Check to see if your school has activities like a robotics club or Lego Imagination or whatever it is call (advanced lego building basically). It sounds like you have gone more of the sports route and it sounds like your kids don't like sports. Try to find more club things to do. If they are good in math, try the math team for example. Since they play instruments, do they have any offerings besides band class (marching band, jazz band, etc.)?
My DIL watches 2 kids at her house in the afternoons. She is 4 and he is 10. When she first started watching them, he walked in the door with his DS and the only time he took his eyes off it was to eat or see what was on TV. Their parents said they didn't make them go outside at all at home. DIL told the kids (and parents)that while they were in her house they would do things HER way. His DS is taken away as soon as he walks in the door and she doesn't even let my grandkids (18 months and 3 yrs) watch more than an hour a day. Hour and a half on weekends if they've been good. The 10 yr old started out actually crying because she made him do something besides his game and the TV. Today those are 2 different kids. If the weather is nice he plays outside instead of coming in when they get there after school. He's even playing soccer with his friends at school! Not the team version but with friends.
My kids choose what they want to do but I limit them to one activity a piece (I have three kids and a hubby that works all the time) except for swimming lessons, which I insist they all learn. I want my kids to be able to help themselves if they ever get into trouble in the water.
My kids do prefer to stay home and play. Some of the parents around me force their kids into every activity possible and some of these kids don't get to bed until after 10 pm on school nights. I can't see doing that to my kids. I want them to be able to occupy themselves but also to be socially involved. It's a balance I guess.
But if they didn't want to do anything, I wouldn't force them. Maybe encourage them a bit, though!
Yes, I agree with you, I do not think as a Parent we have to have an activity for each child every single day. They have to be able to occupy themselves, hey, we did it back in the day.
If a child likes a certain activity, I see no problem with that, but I think the children should be able to figure out something to do for themselves.
I don't force them into it, but I do suggest things when they look like they might be interesting. I also don't want to overbook them, because kids also need time to just be kids and play and goof off, and sometimes even relax.
It seems these days, some parent have their kids' lives way overbooked with extracurriculars, to the point where kids don;t have the time anymore to just play with their friends or relax once in a while. When I was a kid, there were no organized sports available until kids were about 8 years old...now they're starting kids sports leagues off at around age 4. Kids can now join football in my area at 5....that seems a bit young for regular tackle football, and too young to really grasp the sport.
When I think back to when I was a kid, I definitely had more fun playing pickup games of wiffle ball, nerf football etc, than I did playing in organized leagues.
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