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My DD is dedicated to her gymnastics. After the holidays, her coach moved onto the older group, leaving her with the assistant coach. This assistant coach says things like:
"Stop crying and toughen up. Everyone gets hurt."
"I've seen kids learn that move in one day, so you can too."
"If you mess up again, I'll get mad."
The coach also tells personal injury stories like getting black eyes and being threatened with expulsion for crying.
I didn't grow up athletic. Is this acceptable coaching practice? We haven't experienced it until now. I'm trying to figure out what to tell my DD. She is hard on herself as it is.
DD just turned 10. She's pretty stoic but was really upset after practice tonight: getting hurt, getting emotional, getting lectured, getting stares. I don't know what guidance to give her.
Every kid is different. Some kids thrive with negative coaching. Some kids thrive with motivational coaching.
In my experience, sensitive children can't handle negative coaching. No matter how much it's dished out, they don't get desensitized to it. It can break their spirit. My son has social anxiety. He couldn't handle negative coaches. Don't get me wrong, he excelled in sports. He just couldn't be on a team with a negative coach. He'd be in a sport for 3 or 4 years, and then he couldn't remain on a team when it would suddenly get a negative coach. Sometimes he'd switch between club sport and a school sport to stay in the same sport. Sometimes he'd try a new sport.
How long will it be before you daughter is old enough to move up into the older group with the coach that's more motivational? In our experience it was all ways the other way around. The motivational coaches were usually with the younger children and the negative coaches were usually with the older children. If she only has a year before she will be with her old coach, remind her of that.
If your daughter is still in elementary school, I'd look for a new gymnastics school. Whatever you do, please make sure she stays in gymnastics somewhere. Sensitive children need to find their nitch and feel successful in something to obtain and maintain confidence.
I'll tell you right now---no good will come from complaining about the coach.
I think at 10, that is too hard, your daughter can push herself to hard and permanately injur herself. Tell the coach to back off your daughter, and if he doesn't, I would find another place.
Im a gymnastics coach, and my 8yr daughter old is on team (higher level than what I teach) Each coach is different, and really, Im the softy in the gym. My girl had a hard time the first few weeks as she just moved up a level and the coaches are tougher. She got a rip on bars, they looked at it, said "Ah, no blood, youre fine, toughen up" and up she went again. Her work out time doubled, and she is aware that she is to be putting up her best effort 100% or she is welcome to go sit out. They do have to get tougher with each level, but theres definatly a limit on whats acceptable. Ive told my kids of injuries Id had as learning examples. (ie, i broke my coaches nose because I wasn't paying attention to my body position and just let my arms flop out.SMACK!...or how I got my finger broke because I decided to do something my way after my coaches told me several times, NOT to do it that way) Ive also told my girls that if they dont start doing something correctly I will be upset and nobody is gonna be having a good time ( after telling them/showing them/spotting them a simple body position 50x in a row and they slop through it, it does get frustrating!) but I dunno, sounds like maybe your girls coach is going over board. Is she a newer/younger coach? I would suggest asking her in a friendly manner if you can talk to her between classes/after class one of these days and voice your concerns. Coaching gymnastics is not an easy job. You have to learn that balance and find out how to coach each child on how they respond best. Yet as they grow/improve, they also have to learn how to deal with different coaching styles. And from personal experience, Ive had one parent tell me they thought I was asking too much of their child, and the next parent tell me my expectations weren't high enough for their child. Same skill level, same trick, same ability, just totally opposite expectations/views from the parents.
I bet your daughters coach would way rather you approached her in a relaxed setting to talk and work it out rather than have you just pull her, or sit back in the parent area worrying and second guessing.
Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need some extra help/need to bounce some thoughts out.
They do have to get tougher with each level, but theres definatly a limit on whats acceptable.
The difference is that the OP's daughter didn't move up to a higher level. Her previous coach moved up to a higher level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffela74
I bet your daughters coach would way rather you approached her in a relaxed setting to talk and work it out rather than have you just pull her, or sit back in the parent area worrying and second guessing.
You sound like a great coach. I'd like to caution that many coaches aren't like you. Most HATE hearing from parents and often take it out on the kids.
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