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The last sentence of your post pretty much says it all about your attitude in this relationship. Apparently, you NEED him for a paycheck. But it would seem that that isn't even enough to make you happy. If you hope to stay married for any length of time, I strongly recommend a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". You have a life that probably 10 million women would die for and you aren't happy. Why do I get the impression that there is no way to accomplish that?
20yrsinBranson
a husband in school, living off savings, and no help with the baby? Not something I'm dying for
Yes, of course he should be helping with the kids. Why would he not want to? They're his children! The baby is nine months old, so well past the "scary" newborn stages (my very involved DH was a little leery of having to care for the teeny tiny babies on his own, especially my daughter who never took a bottle, but by three or four months, he was perfectly happy to care for them while I went out here and there).
You contribute to the household in a way that is just as important as if you worked fulltime. Because you are home, your DH does not have to worry about what is for dinner, he does not have to handle half the laundry/cleaning duties, and he does not have to pay for daycare or wonder what's going on while the baby is in someone else's care. I assume that you are able to do errands while he's at work/school, so that family time is freed up on the weekends. Your job is "mother," not martyr!
Sit down and have a chat with him about the ways he can interact with your children while you take a couple of hours to go to the library/walk around the mall/whatever on a Saturday afternoon. Also, ask him to take responsibility for one area of the house... maybe he can be responsible for unloading the dishwasher in the morning if he goes into work at a not-too-early time, or perhaps he can be the official refrigerator-cleaner-outer on the weekends. (Ugh, I hate that job!)
Also, I definitely think that you should try to join the Moms Club or MOPS or a church group or whatever type of mommy activity that you can. Being home all day, day in and day out with little ones is extremely draining. At least then you'll have some support, and will have a network of other stay at home moms who understand what it's like.
Take this from a homeschooling mom... I know what it's like to have the kidlets around all the time, and we've moved out of state twice, so I understand doing it in isolation. Not having support is not acceptable. Your husband needs to step up to the plate.
The last sentence of your post pretty much says it all about your attitude in this relationship. Apparently, you NEED him for a paycheck. But it would seem that that isn't even enough to make you happy. If you hope to stay married for any length of time, I strongly recommend a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". You have a life that probably 10 million women would die for and you aren't happy. Why do I get the impression that there is no way to accomplish that?
20yrsinBranson
From this post, I can gather that you most likely have no children, or have never spent an extended amount of time at home with them! Do you have any idea what the reality of being home with two babies/toddlers and a house to care for fulltime is? And why would you think that a husband should not be expected to help raise his own children? (And why can I not turn off the italics in this post?)
From this post, I can gather that you most likely have no children, or have never spent an extended amount of time at home with them! Do you have any idea what the reality of being home with two babies/toddlers and a house to care for fulltime is? And why would you think that a husband should not be expected to help raise his own children? (And why can I not turn off the italics in this post?)
The emphasis of your thoughts were so strong that it overpowered CD's formatting!
I can understand that people move away from their parents because of the need to find work or if the parents are abusive. But it sounds like you don't fit into that category. So I reckon, you should move back to be with supportive people.
I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to have some "me" time.
I think you need to have supportive people around you.
Your husband should be supporting you by bringing in some money. Sounds like he needs to get a new job. You need to have a group of close friends so you can trade babysitting and parenting tips and cry on each other shoulders when nothing seems to go right.
I am a person with a fairly traditional view on life. I believe in having defined roles. That is, when it comes to raising kids, the father in my opinion (not looking for an argument here) should work and bring in money and the mother should stay at home and do the mothering. But that does not mean that the mother stays at home 24/7 and father just works and sleeps. Sounds like hubby is being slack.
I am recently married and have a 9 month old son. I stay at home to take care of him and my husband sells software when he can, and goes to law school. His company has not been selling software for several months now, and we mostly live off his savings so basically school is his only responsibility right now.
My question is: Is it wrong for me to expect him to take care of his son a few hours out the week and some weekends? He has given me no help AT ALL. I'm not asking for much. Just an hour or two for myself. We moved away from any family and I have absolutely no help. He expects me to be June Cleaver and believes the woman should take care of the kids. I also have an older son to take care of as well.
I'm so exhausted. I'm mostly writing this for emotional support. If anyone has been in the same situation. I take care of the baby 24/7, and clean up after 4 people. Before I had my second son I worked in the government for 8 years full-time. Now I just stay at home and he feels since he pays bills that is enough. Sometimes I feel that if I worked, at least I would get a break from the baby. But if I worked, what do I need him for?
Really it's between you and him, something you should have discussed before the wedding.
Some people opt for traditional roles in a marriage, the man supports the family, the woman maintains the household. That is one kind of partnership.
Others want to have both spouses working and earning a living, both spouses maintaining the household.
And in others the woman earns the living, the man maintains the home.
None are wrong, but you need to work these issues out before you get married, guessing about them and then trying to change the other doesn't always work too well.
I agree with those who've said it is something that should have been discussed before the wedding and baby. However, I don't recall discussing it with my husband. I guess we lucked out that we agree on this kind of thing so far.
Nobody can be 'on' all the time. That includes stay-at-home mothers. We all some time off to do things we want to do, as opposed to always meeting the needs of other people.
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