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My daughter graduated from high school in 2003. She is now 24. In the past six years (since HS) she has acted immature and irresponsible as far as college and employment. College is academically difficult for her, so she has been dragging her way through one or two courses at a time. I have no problem with that but each semester she starts off strong then fizzles out. Her social engagements begin to take priority. At one point she dropped out so she could spend more time with her loser, unemployed boyfriend.
After six years of this, her GPA is 2.2. She is enrolled in a single online class that begins in two weeks and lasts for eight weeks. If she passes, she will graduate in December with her AS degree. Just the other day she was talking about dropping out and not graduating.
Employment has been similar. Starts off strong but then starts complaining, calling in sick etc. She has had a string of jobs. I know this may not be all that unusual with her peer group.
We have never had any major problems with her (arrests, pregnancy etc). I know things could be much, much worse.
About a year ago she got a student loan and moved into an apartment. Eventually she fell victim to the economy, lost her job and moved back home. For the first time she wasn't responsible for her unemployment.
Now for the good part. She returned home much more mature and responsible overall. She actually found a good part time job with benefits. The problem is she can't afford them on a part time salary. There is no chance of her going full time right now.
I know that was long but I wanted to give the background before getting to the dilemma.
She is on my health insurance. I do not pay extra for her. The policy covers children up to the age of 25. I told her this several times over the past few years in the hopes it would motivate her to find a job with benefits-this was before the economy tanked.
Unbelievably, the insurance plan changed and now covers children up to age 30. I have not told her this. She has mentioned a few times that she will be off the insurance in a few months and is concerned since she can't afford it.
She is bipolar and takes medication-which is expensive even with insurance.
On the one hand she is caught in the current economic recession which isn't really her fault.
On the other hand I don't want this insurance issue to be another form of enabling. We have already done enough of that.
Think of it this way - two ways in fact: if she were diagnosed with some horrible disease (God forbid) you definitely want her covered; or, if something happened to her - who would most likely end up with the bills. Keep her on. No question.
I would probably keep her on, but leave her hanging until the last minute. Bipolar disorder is a difficult disease to keep under control. If she can't afford her meds her problems will increase tenfold.
Incidentally, the problems you described seem consistent with bipolar disorder.
charge her rent .. use that to pay for the insurance and say nothing .. reason being is she is gonna have to make an effort to cover her butt some how and as long as she thinks she is uninsured she is more likely to try harder to get a job and help herself ..
I KNOW the ecomany is tanked to many of us are back to house shares with our kids and sometimes thier kids as well .. used to be 100 yrs ago extended families were the norm not the exception .. everyone shared or helped to best of ability .. and in todays new world we have returned to that .. pooling resources isnt fun at times but makes for a stronger family in the long run .. I would at least keep her on the plan for now and gift her with time to ride out the problems of no work for any one .. who knows she might find a nice guy and get married ! ( and he can take care of her LOL )
I say keep her on it because it won't cost you any extra. If you don't, she'll go without. I'm glad you are trying to teach her to be responsible, but it just doesn't make sense to me to turn down free health insurance.
I don't think covering health insurance is "enabling" - it sounds like she is on the right path but is in tough times....Not being able to pay for her meds could send her spiraling downward - I agree with asking her to chip in on it (even just a token amount) just so she understands and is prepared that at some point, she will have to pay for things....
She's covered, and you don't have to pay for it? It will take her up to age 30, and she's bipolar? (I know about bipolar people!) No question about the answer to this one....keep her on the insurance.
I agree. Keep her on it! Sounds like a great deal, and not enabling at all. She should pay for her own medication copays, though.
Even the most ambitious, responsible people out there are having trouble finding work with benefits (that they can afford) right now; sounds like she's on the right path, anyway, but if you're worried about her taking on adult responsibilities I'd bump up rent expectations or something else, but don't pass up the health insurance option.
For what it's worth, I don't think helping out with health insurance should be considered enabling at all. I think the least responsible people don't worry excessively about it one way or the other, so withholding it (over something else, like free room or board) wouldn't be a big incentive to get a better job. For the responsible people, though (and it sounds like she's on that path now) they either have health insurance or really, really want health insurance and know full well the problems and risks of going without. Of all the things that a parent could potentially pay for for an adult child (free room, board, maybe use of a car, car insurance, etc.) I'd cut the health insurance last of all, especially if it's not even costing you anything extra. Even if my kid was totally irresponsible I'd still keep him or her on the insurance for my peace of mind. The longterm financial and health risks of going without are just too high.
It is difficult to help you with your situation, because while some people may say you are enabling your daughter, to not grow up, it may be that your daughter is doing very well, and pushing her could have her lose the ground that she has gained. It is a difficult situation, without easy anwers. At least you don't have three grandkids to worry about too.
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